The question of ending relationships becomes extremely relevant when they cease to bring joy or minimal benefit. Women are looking for ways to get away from the tyrant's husband, as well as how to quit someone they no longer love in order to save their soul. The reasons are different and their weight, seriousness and urgency are individual for each couple, but there are some basic general principles for ending any relationship.
Thinking about leaving her husband should be considered the most serious reasons. It so happens that people ruin relations still alive because of a trifle, but sometimes it happens the other way around - they do not notice serious alarming signals. Trying to maintain a relationship that destroys your personality because you have come up with a fairy tale about eternal love may turn out to be the greatest recklessness in life. The main criterion for care or attempts to resume a good relationship is solely your own well-being next to this person, and not the presence of children, the opinions of others and any social norms.
Reasons for parting
The problem of parting is different and everyone is free to choose worthy reasons to end the relationship, but there are situations when it is strongly recommended by specialists in various fields, because nothing good usually happens without extreme measures.
In the first place on the seriousness of the reasons for leaving is not betrayal or lack of character and appearance, but the loss of trust between people. It is when this basic category is lost that interaction breaks down at all other levels. Those. treason and betrayal are only a consequence, and possible dependencies can be an attempt to escape from the more serious problems that have arisen. When promises are not regularly fulfilled and the husband cannot give you a sense of reliability and security, this is the most important criterion for avoiding him. Of course, before you take a radical step, you should talk to your spouse, explain your position, and only if nothing changes - leave.
The next reason is different life goals. Usually, in the first stages of building relationships, people do not figure out what the partner wants from them, where they want to go - it seems to everyone that their vision of life coincides a priori. After a couple of years, it usually turns out that for one it is important to travel around exotic countries with islands, and another with your own hands and build a house with your own project, someone wants six children, and a partner dreams of a career. Parting for this reason is usually most painless if both partners realize what they want from family life and do not seek to impose their ideals on each other.
Any kind of violence is possible at most once for all relationships, regardless of whether it was physical or emotional. Talking, repeatedly repeating your demands and complaints is not worth it, you can only warn your husband once that it is impossible to use force on you, after which any repetition leads to divorce. Those who allowed themselves to cross the line will repeat it again. Read articles on gas-lacing, emotional violence and manipulation - it is important to learn to recognize this kind of psychological violence. Legal protection is guaranteed only when physical injuries are inflicted, articles on emotional abuse are not spelled out in legislation, but this can lead to clinical depression, personality disorder and suicide, so only you can take care of yourself.
In society, there is a common misunderstanding about how to get away from an alcoholic’s husband, because there is an opinion that family support is a leading factor in recovery, and the main causes of any dependence in the family are hidden. This is true with one important amendment - the relevance of support is possible only at the beginning of the problem, provided that the husband himself wants to get rid of dependence. If this stretches for several years and the man himself is satisfied, and the woman continues to endure, suffer and try to pull him out, then there is no need to talk about healthy relationships - this is code dependency. Such stories end miserably, although variations may vary from beatings to joint dependence on substances.
Removing or breaking the physical or emotional connection between partners. On the physical side, there may be questions about how to get away from a cheating husband or not satisfying in bed. These problems arise at the level of trust, when there is no opportunity for a couple to openly discuss the problems that have arisen, but is an important criterion of relations. Where the family often swears, but in the intima everything is fine you can talk about this style of interaction, but where everything is quiet and decent, but for a long time there was no sex, it is likely that the divorce will soon thunder. Emotionally, distance and rupture look about the same - spouses share their experiences and important events with friends, relatives, and internet friends, but not with those whom they have chosen to live together.
Absolutely subjective reason, but no less important among the rest, and for women living in the sensual sphere, perhaps the most important is the disappearance of love. And it does not matter where and why this feeling was lost, because further life together becomes impossible.
Psychologist's advice on how to get away from her husband
If leaving with good reasons causes difficulties, and the woman is looking for ways to get away from her husband, then initially it is worthwhile to deal with your own state, which does not allow you to do everything directly and openly. This may be the fear of the husband (especially in cases of tyrants and any forms of violence), the absence of a place to go and any other types of material insecurity, as well as feelings of pity and anxiety about the children or the future life of the husband. Of course, such reasons can be continued, but it is necessary to work with them, since no precise planned action on pure logic will help to overcome internal barriers. When it is not possible to cope with everything, then you can turn to someone you trust.
Perhaps you are saving your own life or ending the relationship of personal development and the state of mind of both. Begin to dive into another, new life from the first moment of the decision to disperse, do not delay it until the date of the divorce, otherwise the number of doubts will only increase.
Enlist the support of friends and next of kin (if you want to keep them in communication), because usually a woman is condemned for dissolving family ties, and if she does it suddenly, then curses can be poured instead of help. Just before talking with your husband, share the situation with his sister or mutual friends, tell us about your intentions to leave - maybe you will be prompted by another solution or help with the move.
The greatest fear at parting is the possibility of scandal. It is possible to protect your nervous system from such experiences, if you openly talk about the situation and your decision with your husband. It is important not to play the role of the offended, the victim, the aggressor or the saint - speak as it is, as you feel. Variants when a woman will be held by force are quite rare and it is usually known in advance that a person will behave this way, therefore you can provoke any negative manifestations solely on your own by choosing an unfair strategy of behavior.
When you explain your position, take care not only about your state of health. Choose a time when the spouse is not waiting for extremely important things immediately after the conversation, do not start such a conversation in a state of fatigue or stress. Choose the wording - the option to scold yourself in everything and to praise it is hopeless, but the correctness of the phrases should be observed. It is important not only to honestly state the reason, to answer all the questions that have arisen to him, but also to thank for the good moments.
The next step is your move to a separate housing. This can be the apartment of friends or a rented room, for those who have neither material resources, nor friends there are shelters of social support just for such situations. It is impossible to divorce and live in the same area - after the conversation, you need to pack up and move. If this is your home, then ask your husband to move, give him some time to look for housing.
As soon as you get the idea of divorce, start collecting money, as separate living is always more expensive than conscientious. In addition to such an obvious fact, the divorce process itself may require funding, and a new housing and living arrangement is a costly undertaking. In order to minimize your own risks when dividing property, shorten the period of legal proceedings and ensure peace of mind, consult with a lawyer in advance on any issues that may arise. This will give you the opportunity to immediately lead the process in the direction you want.
Application for divorce must be submitted as soon as possible, not giving reason to think that your behavior is a quarrel or an attempt to manipulate. Again, it is not always the husband who will agree with your decision, which means that the divorce process will be delayed, so why else should you extend the term yourself. And do not forget to plan your future life, because a huge amount of free time and energy can drag you into depression.
How to start a new life if you have children
The critical question of how to get away from a husband and start a new life arises when a couple divorces with children, because there is no chance of completely forgetting a person - children will constantly remind of him, as well as his visits to them. The only way out is to change the format of the relationship. For the sake of children, it’s impossible to preserve the old type of relationship, even contraindicated - they are much more sensitive than many adults and will not believe in the parental game, but they can understand what they are deceived.
The first step is careful care planning, since responsibility for the life of a small person implies a higher level of organization not only of the care itself, but also of the details of each weekday. Requirements for housing, material support, the judicial divorce process and regulation of interaction with the spouse are increasing. There can not do without the help of a lawyer and understanding how you will now independently provide for yourself and your child. A separate important issue is the organization of all processes so that a new life and vigorous activity do not interfere with communication with the baby and the whole life in general.
With your husband, discuss alimony and the frequency of meetings with children, as well as the regulation of any interaction. Now everything has to be built according to clear rules, otherwise he will not let you start your own life with his sudden appearances or disappearances, and leaving him dependent on himself, but without support.
Not everyone can independently cope with such overloads, and even the strongest will not be prevented by a person who is able to support at least during the initial adaptation stage. It can be women (girlfriends, mothers, friends from playgrounds), who can sit with a child or a friend-entrepreneur, who has long been calling to her company on favorable terms. You should look for something that will take less time and bring more income, perhaps even to do the realization of their own hobby.
In your own time, be sure to leave not only such items as work and self-improvement for the sake of raising, but also communicating with your child, having fun, meeting personally with your adult friends and dating. Let you have a schedule and the child knows that mom will definitely give him time, but at the same time, organize the schedule so that you find time for coffee with a girlfriend and a new interesting colleague. This can be done during the child's extra classes or if he is older to agree that you spend Saturday evenings separately, and on Sunday you discuss who did what.