Moral violence in the family - This is an effective psychological impact to establish power over your partner. For outsiders, it is often intangible and imperceptible. Moral violence causes the same harm as physical and, often, it is accompanied by threats of intimate or physical violence. During life, people maintain different relationships with others. There is a certain type of destructive (destructive) relationships in which an individual falls after meeting a person (psychopath, emotional vampire, perverted narcissist) and becomes a victim of moral violence. Anyone can be such a victim.

The moral violence of a woman is an international phenomenon, which is present in all families, regardless of their financial situation. Psychologists divide domestic violence into moral (psychological), intimate and physical. At the beginning of a relationship, latent moral violence often occurs and at a certain point it develops into compulsion in intimate or physical violence.
The cause of moral violence in a woman’s family lies in the psychological weakness or violation of the man’s psyche, his low self-esteem, inability to keep a partner with literate verbal influence, in the absence of male confidence in the value of the union, in the pursuit of power. The partner achieves this power by means of psychological pressure, as he fears that he will not be able to do otherwise. Often, such pressure is carried out in the following ways: the husband limits his wife’s rights, establishes his own rules, makes unfounded claims, and arranges social terror. This is when a partner or spouse isolates a victim from communicating with her relatives, acquaintances, friends, prohibits working outside the house, threatens to harm her loved ones or things in case of disobedience.

This type of violence is often accompanied by economic constraints. This is especially evident in marriages with foreign wives, who are least protected economically, so it is easier to manipulate them. It affects a woman’s ignorance of the law, the language, as well as the psychological shock that arises after getting into a new cultural environment. In this category of violence include any actions of a partner or husband, aimed at the economic restriction of the independence of women. If the wife is engaged in housekeeping, the man tries to control strictly the expenditure of the family budget, and sometimes even refuses to allocate funds for her personal needs.

Signs of moral violence

The purpose of the perpetrator is to reduce the self-esteem of the woman, to diminish her dignity, make her lose self-esteem. Often this is achieved through neglect, insults, rudeness, various accusations, foul language, threats, intimidation, and active intervention in personal life. A mocking person often controls dating, reads personal correspondence and e-mail, asks "innocent" questions "where have you been and with whom?", Which is already a form of psycho-emotional terror.

The moral mockery of a woman includes the following signs:

- humiliation;

- constant criticism;

- surveillance by technical means and ongoing monitoring, including recording and using the phone, checking text messages and a call recorder, using spyware software for reading e-mail, as well as secretly installing video cameras in the house;

- on the part of the bullying person threatening to kill himself, children, women, relatives of a woman, including a detailed description of how he will do it;

- destruction of property, including your clothes, car, furniture, house;

- addressing a mocking person using derogatory words, for example, calling the partner “bitch” or “it”;

- the mocking person leaves the partner in a hopeless situation: picks up the car keys, empties the gas tank in the car, smashes or steals the phone so that the woman does not ask for help;

- women are never allowed to remain alone with themselves, they go from room to room, they are accompanied at all events.

Moral violence in families has a phased development.
In the first phase, the man becomes tense and irritable. In relationships, everyday criticism is noted, the number of insults and psychological pressure is growing. Her husband’s rage can be triggered by anything, such as the amount spent on purchases or clutter in the house.

In the second phase, the voltage increases even more. The wife tries to argue and defend herself, which causes even more irritation in response. A man can push his wife to the wall, throw it on the floor, hit it. Men in such cases believe that they are teaching "disobedient" wives.
In the third phase, the husband apologizes, promises to "improve", may give his wife gifts. This allows the woman to forgive and think that the relationship can still be corrected.

For a while, the husband behaves completely differently and the woman thinks that the problem was solved by itself, and this behavior of the spouse was episodic. But, everything repeats after a while with a new outbreak of moral violence, rudeness and exquisite cruelty. The behavior of the abuser is explained by the fact that he acts according to the “vicious circle” scenario and with his actions acts on the victim during the period when he was forced to ask for forgiveness and humiliate herself.

So, if the husband is constantly insulting, and the atmosphere of screaming and swearing leads the woman to lower self-esteem, to heavy experiences, stress or depression, then this is moral violence in the family.

Psychologists have proven that hidden moral violence or psychological mockery poses no less danger than physical violence. If a person is beaten, then it immediately becomes noticeable, but if he is morally humiliated systematically, then in most cases it is almost impossible to prove it. Often, even the victim is not able to understand what is really happening. The rapist often suffers from his aggression, and often does not realize that he is hurting his inner circle.

Psychological violence in the family can take and polite forms, but because of this it is not less painful. For example, insults uttered in a calm voice sometimes hurt even more, because the offensive words addressed to a woman cannot be explained by the fact that a man lost his temper because of emotions. A certain form of hidden moral violence is the pronounced silence of the spouse, and his apparent unwillingness to communicate. It should be noted that moral humiliation is practiced more often in families with a high level of education. In such families, in view of the fact that assault is not accepted, they prefer to humiliate them with a word. From here there are wives and husbands suffering from low self-esteem. Husbands in such families often acquire a whole bunch of chronic diseases or abuse alcohol, and wives turn into "downtrodden", afraid to say anything against their spouses. From this arise various diseases - strokes, heart attacks, as well as suicidal attempts that are in no way associated with moral violence in the family, since no one causes physical suffering to anyone.

Children are no less affected by moral violence in the family, and they have to be much more complicated, since the weak, childish psyche is very much influenced by adults. Children sincerely believe in what their parents say. And if the child is constantly inspired that he does not shine with beauty, stupid or worse than all, then the small person begins to believe in it, and as a result, many complexes appear over time, self-doubt and conviction arise that nobody is worse than him. Thus, latent moral violence is committed by parents against their children and the law in such situations is powerless, because moral rapist cannot be punished due to the absence of obvious signs of violence and it is impossible to bring him to justice for offensive words and a stinging tone that hurt no less than assault .

Moral violence in the family is in any case a consequence of psychological deviations, and the aggressor quite often understands this very well. Therefore, psychological assistance is necessary not only for those who are subjected to violence, but also for those who commit it. It happens that the aggressor is aware and critical of his behavior, but he cannot do anything with himself. He understands that he is behaving badly and after flashes of aggression he is filled with a sense of remorse. Therefore, psychologists also help such people. They recommend that the aggressors temporarily live separately from the family. Often after this acts of moral violence cease. In severe cases, psychologists recommend a divorce, because it is better to leave than to regularly endure psychological humiliation. After all, the family is a place of rest and spiritual comfort, and not a battlefield where spiritual, non-healing wounds are inflicted.

What if in the family moral abuse? Unfortunately, this is a common phenomenon and women often turn to this problem for help, as they do not know how to behave properly in such situations.

Psychological advice on this is as follows. A woman needs to ask herself questions and honestly answer them:

- whether it is in danger of violence;

- Does the partner often shout, swear, call him rude, abusive words;

- Does the ability humiliate, like mistresses, mothers, workers;

- makes jokes about women's habits and shortcomings;

- does not pay attention to the feelings of the woman;

- inflicts insults aimed at women’s vulnerabilities, hoping to deliver as

possible more pain;

- requires constant attention and is jealous of children;

- humiliates in the presence of others and family members;

- accuses the partner of their own failures and problems;

- threatens retaliation and physical violence;

- tells the woman about her love affairs;

- tells the woman that she will disappear without him;

- accuses the partner of aggressiveness, if she tries to defend herself;

- threatens to abuse children or to take them away from her;

- casts doubt on the feeling of reality;

- destroys the sense of female self-esteem.

If there is an affirmative answer to at least one question, then, most likely, the woman is subjected to ill-treatment and there is a high probability that she will continue to be subjected to moral violence, which will eventually grow into physical violence.

Moral violence in the family of a woman, what to do? The longer a woman stays in such relationships, the less she has the opportunity to leave them unharmed and intact. As a rule, nothing can save such a relationship, and the only way out of this situation is divorce.
There are traditions of family culture not to quarrel, not to tell others that they are not satisfied with their husband, because women are often not ready to lose their family and earner, they are afraid of condemnation and lack of understanding of society, they are afraid of loneliness, economic and social insecurity. For this reason, the criminalization of the family takes place, a way of life is formed, in which moral violence becomes the norm and is passed on from one generation to another. A woman should know that no culture or religion justifies moral violence.

How to get rid of the moral abuse of her husband? If a woman has or believes that she has relationships that are accompanied by psychological mockery, filled with horror and fear from her lover, husband or partner, then she can call the free, nationwide telephone helpline "Women's Aid" and get the necessary information and support. You can visit a family psychologist, who will help the woman to realize that she has the right to feel safe in her own home and always count on the part of the person with whom she lives in respectful attitude. The psychologist will not judge or indicate what a woman should do. He will keep confidentiality of all information received, will not tell anyone that a woman has turned to him for help. A psychologist will discuss a woman’s options for solving the problem and make a safety plan. It will help rebuild the life of a woman after she was subjected to psychological abuse. This will not happen in one moment, but every day it will become a reality and the psychologist will provide support along the way.