Secret of love interested people from time immemorial. Why does this feeling flourish in some people and only grow stronger with time, while in other individuals the opposite is true: do they part with their loved ones or live for years in an unhappy union? What is the secret of happy love among some people, and what makes other people so unhappy in marriage? And what is happiness in general? So, happiness is the state of the individual, which corresponds to the maximum satisfaction with the conditions of his being, the meaningfulness of his life and the realization of his human purpose.
Positive psychology gives the following formula of happiness. This is a deep satisfaction with life, plus a maximum of positive and no negative emotions. At the same time, positive emotions with happiness are connected at the moment, and full satisfaction is connected with happiness in a long period. The representative of humanistic psychology K. Rogers connects the concept of happiness with self-knowledge, giving the individual the ability to personal growth, self-actualization, self-improvement, which is an indispensable condition for achieving a sense of joy, fullness and awareness of the meaning of life.
Psychologist John Gottman, watching how a couple in love communicate with each other, is able to predict with certainty whether people will be happy together after years of years or their relationship does not have a happy future. John Gottman devoted 40 years of research and research to this issue.
What makes happy couples? In his opinion, this is the ability to see the positive in each other. This is something for which you can say "thank you" every day or simply rejoice and embrace that life has given the opportunity to meet with such a wonderful person, says Gottman. People in such couples build relationships purposefully on gratitude and respect. What happens in unlucky couples? People in these couples are always looking for something to find fault with, and catch every mistake of a partner.
The secret of a happy marriage, according to Gottman, is in a loving, careful attitude to a partner, even during a quarrel. The fact is that people in such couples are able to create an atmosphere of warmth, trust, love for each other.
Gottman found out that the main reason for divorce is neglect and contempt for the partner. Those people who are looking for the slightest reason to criticize and have not learned to respect the requests of their partner respectfully, lose 50% of the positive things they do for them, and see the negative in relationships where there is none. Such people not only kill criticism of feelings, but also weaken the immunity of their partner. Indifference and anger mean for the relationship the end and vice versa, cordiality, kindness, attentiveness, tenderness significantly increase the affection to each other, which over the years only grows stronger.
One of the secrets of love is an active search for something to thank the partner during the day, rather than focusing on the negative and on bad thoughts. Scientific studies show that kindness is the most important indicator of the stability of a marriage. Good attitude allows a person to feel needed, loved, valuable. Some people think of kindness as a trait of character: that is either there or not. In fact, Gottman argues that kindness is built like a muscle: the more an individual exercises in it, the stronger it is. This means that it is necessary to work on relationships so that they are always in shape and it is the loving partners who do this.
It is most difficult to show kindness during conflicts and quarrels, but even at this time one can be kind. When a couple has a crisis or some kind of conflict, the feeling of tenderness and kindness should be the support and support. Being kind does not mean hiding your anger, rather kindness helps and tells you how to express it better. This means that instead of insulting a partner, it is necessary to calmly explain the reason for your anger.
The secret of a long happy relationship is not in gifts and flowers, donated on time, but in how partners communicate with each other every day.
The secret of true love lies in the ability to share the joy of a partner, because the problem of unhappy couples often lies in the fact that they are not able to rejoice for each other, to share the success of a loved one, and this is just as important as being together during times of trial.
So, the secret of love is a collective concept that includes kindness, personal orientation, respect, caring attitude, and a manifestation of devotion.
Psychologists highlight the following secrets of love for men and women.
The first secret of love is the power of thought. Love begins with thoughts and the individual becomes what he thinks about. Only feelings full of feelings are capable of creating relationships full of love.
The second secret is respect for yourself and your partner.
The third secret is the power of giving. If a person wants to get a mutual feeling, you just need to start giving it. The more a partner of love gives, the more it receives, because what it means to love is to give a part of yourself, without reservation and payment, practicing just a manifestation of kindness. Therefore, the secret of the formula of love is not that a person can take from this feeling, but that which can be given.
The fourth secret of love is the power of friendship. This means that in order to acquire true love, you first need to find a true friend with whom interests and desires will coincide.
The fifth secret of love is to use the powerful force of touch that breaks down barriers and strengthens relationships. Touches change emotional and physical condition, make partners more susceptible to feeling.
Touches can help to warm the heart and cure the body, because opening your arms, you open the heart.
The sixth secret of love is to give freedom to your partner. If an individual loves a partner, then it is necessary to provide him with personal space and freedom. If a partner returns to a loving individual, then he loves him, if not, he has never been spiritually connected with him. Even in a sincere love relationship, partners need their own space.
If a person wants to be loved, you must first get rid of past sorrows, offenses, prejudices, fears and learn to forgive.
The seventh secret of love lies in the power of communication. When a person begins to communicate honestly and openly, his life changes. Love involves communicating with a person, because in this way you can make the partner understand that he is valuable. It should, as often as possible to talk partner about love and praise it.
The eighth secret of love in the power of devotion. It is necessary to be a devotee of love, and this devotion will be reflected in actions and thoughts, because loyalty and devotion are the real test of love.
The ninth secret of love is the power of the manifestation of feelings. Only sincere feelings do not let love die out and support this fire. Strong feelings of love are marked by deep devotion, enthusiasm, joyful excitement, interest. Surprises and spontaneity can warm and sustain the fire of love.
The tenth secret of love says that the most important thing in the relationship between a man and a woman is trust. Without it, the partner becomes anxious, suspicious, and the other partner feels emotional. Therefore, it is impossible to really love a partner if you do not trust him completely.