Psychology and Psychiatry

How to return a loved one

Returning a loved one is a necessity of extreme importance for the first time, hours and days after breaking up, especially if the gap happened on emotional grounds, and there comes an instant regret for words spoken and made. A slightly different spectrum of emotions covers the one who was left without scandal, but unilaterally - in this situation, the trauma of abandonment affects not only the sphere of interaction with society, but also the self-determination of the individual. Self-esteem begins to crumble, all sorts of complexes crawl to the surface, and some appear new, and then returning a loved one becomes tantamount to returning to one’s own good perception.

Tactics of return can be different, as well as life situations. If the separation was a deliberate and verified step, the person discussed everything in advance, it would be difficult to reconcile, and the rehabilitation of the relationship itself may take a lot of time and even the help of a specialist. It is much easier to fix everything, if the beloved left at the peak of the quarrel, then from the moment emotions subside there is a chance that repentance will knock not only on one heart. Deduction of specific action plans or follow the instructions of friends, how to return a loved one may be ineffective or you will part as enemies. All people are different, and if it is common for some people to sacrifice themselves, life principles, others prefer to take a wait-and-see attitude, only occasionally arranging random meetings and throwing innocent comments.

The main general rule is to be careful, do not rush to conclusions and listen to yourself. Having endured several days one can come to the conclusion that this relationship ended for the better, and the desire to return the loved one was dictated by the fear of the unknown, how to build a future life. Without listening to yourself, stepping over your needs, enduring mental pain and agreeing on fundamentally contradictory things, you only prolong the agony, destroying your personality or falling into co-dependent relationships.

Analysis of the reasons for the departure of a loved one

When the beloved left, how to get it back there are many ways, but initially it is worth taking care of yourself, because being in the grip of passion can be done a lot of stupid things. Behavior that leads to deterioration of physical condition (lack of sleep, alcohol, smoking, refusal to eat, etc.) will only spend strength and lead to depression, from which it will be necessary to pull yourself, not return a man.

To reduce the severity of experiences and to restore clarity of mind, it is necessary to cry all the resulting pain after parting with your loved one. Crying must be eco-friendly - in the office of a psychotherapist or alone. Sessions with girlfriends, podnachivayuschimi and develop the theme in its mainstream, offering alcohol as an anesthetic, will only lead to hasty conclusions and impulsive actions. It will well help to change the situation for a short time - it can be a trip out of town or a weekend spent in a beauty salon. It is not fundamentally the place to go, since the main goal is to change the situation, even if the thoughts are all the same problems, but before the eyes there will be a different picture.

After the emotional sphere is stabilized, it is necessary to begin an analysis of the reasons for his departure. Sometimes it’s pointless to fight for relationships, while others will just suggest a simple way out of the situation. Remember the claims voiced by him during the last conversation, and think how much you can satisfy his demands. So, if he reproaches you for lack of femininity, then you can work on behavior and appearance, if you talk about lack of attention, then review your schedule and prioritize its requirements and its understanding of the world. In the simplest case, you can simply call the man and tell you about the importance of this relationship for you, and then identify specific steps in the direction he wants.

Return tactics

For more serious situations, more time and some tactical moves are needed. Stop all communication, even if in the middle of the night brilliant messages come to your mind - do not write or call. If he himself appears, then meet in the afternoon and extremely quickly. The sharper you disappear after what happened, the more likely that a man will feel a bright contrast. Understanding that feelings still remain, many subconsciously await conversations, clarification of reasons or requests for a return, while total and instantaneous disappearance will make, at least, reflect and become interested in what is happening in your life.

Now you need to have fun - remember what kind of favorite things you haven’t been doing for a long time, who you couldn’t even get to visit, because at home there were business or a showdown. Just do not make a joke with a purpose, so that he learns and is upset, but sincere, for himself and his recovery from the past.

Then you can appear yourself and ask some general questions, because a person with whom he has connected a lot always has a reason to talk. Here the key point is the short duration of the conversation and lack of interest - to create a feeling of maximum ease and freedom. A little coolness in the interaction instead of the usual experiences and warmth, cheerful mood and he himself will have many questions, from the answers to which you must leave. After one conversation, it will again take a long break, ending with a meeting. It is important to think in such a way as to cause the maximum number of emotions. Let it be not the most beautiful external embodiment, but suddenly your melody, a ring, a gift from them or you are surrounded by admirers - let the fantasy play to the fullest.

You can start to see each other periodically, and cases of intimate attraction are quite likely, but try to keep a distance from physical intimacy until it has been agreed that he has returned to a relationship. No sex can not save what collapsed at the level of interaction and personalities. Give a man a lot of space, because the main reason for leaving is the inability to be in the same interaction as before.

Ways how to return a loved one, if he is already on the other

To return the former beloved from the existing relationship is not an easy task, but it is doable, but before you do this it is worth answering many important questions. This includes not only your inner strength to forgive him, and to forgive him in advance and a priori, because it is you who are returning him, which means there will be no apology. The next point is to understand how much your trust has shaken, and whether you can be without criticism of alertness from the sound of messages and phone calls. You will have to start with yourself, and not with conversations with a man about the reasons for the gap and his wishes.

When one woman is changed to another - this indicates that the first one has ceased to give something important, on which these relations were kept. To understand what the man lacked is possible in two ways - to analyze his rival and recall himself at the beginning of a relationship. Looking in the direction of the one for whom the lesson was redeemed is quite painful, and an overabundance of emotions can completely turn off common sense, so it’s best to remember yourself. Perhaps you were easier, more carefree, or, on the contrary, more serious, you tried to look beautiful for him, or, on the contrary, didn’t bother much about your appearance, preferring to spend time together. Go back to your former state, even if the relationship does not recover, because you will again be the one you fall in love with and who are happy.

Gradually, from analyzing oneself one can proceed to the analysis of who, what for this did, and why everything came to parting. Against the background of immersion in your needs and efforts to regain the former state of happiness, reflections on the causes of a break can be slow, and most importantly, logical. Small details that actually play a huge role can be remembered. The main thing to keep from monitoring the relationship of his ex - his pages get banned on social networks and his current girlfriend. Such surveillance takes a lot of time, mental strength, and brings only a feeling of weakness and paranoia. Having thought up the next round of their novel, you can make a mistake and make wrong conclusions.

Do not lock yourself at home in developing a plan for how to get your loved one back if he is already with another girl, but on the contrary, spend more time at various events and with friends. Let everything be organic, and if you meet there, remember that you have the same right to stay. Intermittently intersecting with you, the guy may begin to notice changes in your appearance and mood, achieved thanks to the return of his hobbies and interests.

If the stages of gap analysis were completed correctly and appropriate adjustments were made, then the changes will make him think seriously. After all, the relationship with you is an already known map of events, you have gone through some stages of lapping, and now you have added something that was lacking. Romance will end by itself, and what will appear instead of it is unknown.

Take a friendly stance with cool notes when communicating - this is how you give him the opportunity to communicate and show that you will not agree to accept him very quickly, and you don’t really need it at all, enjoying your life. Men are essentially conquerors, so one day, if a woman has been theirs, they will always think so, any changes in behavior and situations make us rush to the protection of the old prey, which is psychologically more important than the new one.

When the frequency of communication will increase, feel free to use the knowledge of its weak points, habits and interests. Remember how pleasant it is to communicate with old friends compared to new comrades - the same thing and he will feel, and the new girl will gradually begin to organize scandals and demand to stop this communication. The main thing is to turn the situation right at the critical point - to offer to stop communicating secretly or stop communicating altogether so that the opponent is calmer. In this sentence, the man will see an ultimatum and choose what is dearer and closer. And even if not, your conscience will be clear.

Psychologist Tips What Not to Do

Having succumbed to the first pain, the importance of feelings, feelings of failed plans and other negative experiences, women not only start a “war” for the departed man, but often “die” on this battlefield or destroy it and future relationships.

In order to preserve their own psyche from further serious restoration work, neuroses, and a psychiatric clinic, psychotherapists recommend not to do some things. The first thing to put as an axiom is the lack of attachment to the result. Naturally, all this activity begins with a specific desire to restore the relationship again, but it is important to treat this as a kind of duty to your love and your man. If you wish to return him by any means, then you risk getting the enemy, getting to blackmail and threats, and here the criminal responsibility is not far away.

It is also important to have a similar attitude in order to preserve your mental health, because in case of failure, when only one result is needed, the level of stress will be critical. Making feats in the name of love, remember that freedom is important for another, where voluntary desire to be with you is important, and not as an emotional “captive”.

To return a loved one, eliminate obsession in their behavior. It is better to overdo it with the cold and generally disappear for several weeks than to bother a person every day. He has already left, so give the man another space. Different manipulative techniques that literally force you to take the decision you need can lead to the opposite result and cause rejection. Even the threat of suicide will keep a person close until the ambulance or the police arrive.

Do not beg for forgiveness and do not be humiliated. Even now, it seems that he is right in everything and only having recognized all his made and made up mistakes, you will be able to return him - this is a trap. Humiliation and a glimpse of God can help for some time, amuse self-esteem, but if a man has left, because he always needs such an attitude, then you will appreciate if you can.

If this is your compulsory measure to cajole him, then, alas, those who have trampled on their own significance, who are humiliated and betray their selves, are not interesting to men. Character, personality, self-esteem - these are the traits that can make him look in your direction again, and not a broken inner core. This can also be attributed to the pressure of pity - any man understands that suddenly fallen problems are directly related to his departure, and the constant reports about how badly they are trivial manipulation without him.

Keep dignity, do not speak badly about him, do not dismiss rumors, better not even complain to friends who, worrying about you, denigrate his image from the best of reasons. And do not start revenge, even if your ex has a new passion. No matter how great the anger and sense of injustice is, revenge will definitely close all doors between you. And for those who are especially desperate, we note separately that there is no point in contacting witches, sorcerers and shamans for love spells, spells and fortune telling. If you start from the material world, then this is just pumping out money, if you remember psychology, the unresolved conflict is still a point of tension and will require its reversal in the future. Those who believe in the power of these rituals, who know that after such a man will return must understand that they will not return of their own free will and not out of love, but again due to manipulations. In addition, if the man himself finds out that the woman applied for such help, then forgiveness may never come.