Rejection is a refusal to accept something, withdrawal from one’s environment. This is all happening to people, making them feel unloved, flawed or unworthy. This phenomenon can manifest itself explicitly or it can be hidden. Explicit rejection is found, for example, when a spouse changes, when parents hit a child, being in despair or irritation because of his misdeeds.
The individual who committed suicide suffered a clear rejection of the surrounding society. With latent rejection, a person experiences similar painful feelings and disastrous consequences that an individual who has undergone a clear rejection, however, does not realize at the same time why a negative attitude towards his own person was born. An example of implicit rejection is parental hyper-care, increased control over the existence of a child, making decisions for a crumb. As a result of such upbringing, the baby grows unadapted to an independent independent existence.
Part of the individuals who have the trauma in question may lose in society the role of such a fatal woman lover who breaks fragile girlish hearts.
Any rejection is rooted in the lack of a love of self. People fear that they may be offended, but the responsibility for the appearance of a feeling of resentment lies with themselves. Each human individual independently decides to be offended or not.
An individual who has survived the rejection of feelings is often dissatisfied with himself, which is revealed in self-denial, lack of self-worth, the appearance of a sense of worthlessness.
The mechanism of formation of the injury in question is the following: external rejection is transformed into internal. The person renounces, first of all, the parts that are not accepted by the parents in him (split pieces) or from the parts that threaten the psychological being of the parent.
Rejection is direct or indirect. The first is to regularly ignore the needs of the child, refuse to communicate with him, systematic non-verbal or verbal messages directly to the baby. For example, parents tell a fucker that he is fat and he should lose weight, or they are compared with other kids, declaring that they are nice, and he behaves badly. Indirect rejection occurs when parents fill the child with recognition in one vital area, without showing attention to the others. Hence, the crumbs, often, the feeling that he will lose parental love, if mistaken.
Such injuries are often formed in the puberty period, because it is a sensitive period for the occurrence of all kinds of injuries and complexes. Here the leading is communicative interaction with peers, so peer evaluation becomes the most significant. At the same time, if earlier the parents gave the adolescent the correct promises, instilling in him that he was loved with all the winning features and flaws, then the fear of rejection would not develop in him.
The core of rejection is the feeling of the impossibility of being rejected. The individual believes that he will disappear psychologically if he does not accept it.
The consequence of the fear of rejection is the emergence of many other phobias - the fear of being wrong, of imperfection, of being abandoned.
It is possible to heal the trauma in question only from the inside - with the help of creativity, self-knowledge, study of the traumas that came from childhood, psychotherapy.
Emotional rejection of the child
Inefficient parental attitudes, found in deficit or lack of emotional interaction with the child, in the parent's insensitivity to children's needs leads to the experience of the child emotional rejection.
With a clear failure to accept the crumbs, the parent shows a dislike for his own child, feels discontent and annoyance to him. Hidden rejection is found in large-scale dissatisfaction with the crumbs, considering him not beautiful enough, clever, skillful. In this case, the parent formally takes care of the baby, performing parental duties. Often the phenomenon under consideration may be masked by bloated attention and exaggerated care, but the desire to avoid physical contact gives it away.
Often, emotional rejection is the result of parents' undemocratic consciousness. Therefore, in family interaction, there is a lack of positive emotional expression against the background of uncontrolled demonstration of repressed negative emotions. At the same time, parents may have a need to pinch a crumb, often they may feel an obvious or indistinct feeling of guilt due to the meager expression of affection. However, due to the lack of meaningfulness of their own emotional sensations, feelings are made their way by spontaneous bursts of caress outside the adequate context of interaction. The child also has to take tenderness and show a reaction to the manifestation of affection, even if he is not configured to show emotions at this particular moment.
In addition, rejection is also due to inadequate parental hopes regarding the child.
Often, parents perceive their own children more mature than they really are, and therefore - not needing to raise attention and care. Sometimes parents come up with a perfect, fictional image of a child, causing their love. Some create an image of a convenient, obedient crumbs, others - successful and enterprising. No matter what kind of image parents invented, the main thing is that it does not correspond to reality.
Often, rejection is accompanied by tight control, imposing the crumbs of the only "correct" behavior. Also, the rejection of the child can go along with a lack of control, indifference to the child, absolute indulgence.
Emotional rejection of a child by parents is often accompanied by punishments, including physical impact.
At the same time, mothers who reject their own crumbs are positioned to punish them by reason of appealing for support to them, for striving for communication interaction with them. Adults who reject babies and use an abusive parenting style believe in the normality and necessity of physical influences.
Often, disobedience or unwanted behavior is punished by depriving the parents of their love, demonstrating the worthlessness of the child. Due to this behavior, the crumbs form a feeling of insecurity, abandonment, fear of loneliness. The lack of parental involvement in the needs of the children contributes to the birth of his feeling of "helplessness", which in the future often causes apathy and can lead to depressive moods, avoidance of new conditions, lack of curiosity and initiative.
Particularly important is the age stage in which the crumbs were deprived of parental care and love. In situations of partial deprivation of care, when the parental caress is present even occasionally, the baby often begins to expect some kind of emotional response from his parents. If such an emotional “reward” comes solely after obedience to the requirements of the parents, then the development of anxious submission rather than aggression will be the result of this. Rejecting parents is often characterized by rearrangement of child-parent roles. Adults delegate to their children their own duties, behaving helplessly, showing the need for care. The basis of the emotional rejection of the crumbs may lie perceived or unconscious identification of the baby with certain negative points in the parents' own existence.
Identify the following personal problems of adults, causing emotional rejection of the child. First of all, the underdevelopment of parental feelings, externally manifested by the weak tolerance of the child’s society, superficial interest in the affairs of the child. The reason for the underdevelopment of parental feelings is often the rejection of the adult himself in the childhood period, when he himself did not feel parental love.
The personality traits of an adult, such as emotional coldness, also often lead to the rejection of their own children.
The lack of space in the plans of the parents for the child gives rise to an emotional rejection of the crumbs. The projection of their own negative qualities on the baby - confronting them in a child, an adult gains emotional benefits for himself.
Emotional renunciation of parents from the crumbs gives rise to the formation of such internal installations of the baby: "I do not love, but I strive to get closer to my parents" and "If I do not love and do not need, then leave me alone."
The first installation is characterized by two possible variations in the child's behavioral response. The kid experiences a feeling of guilt, as a result of which he sees the punishment for his own "imperfection" in the fact of his failure to accept his parents. The result of such experiences is often the loss of self-esteem and irrational craving to improve, to respond to parental aspirations.
The second variation of the behavioral response is manifested by the rejection by the child of the family. Here the child concludes that just the parents are guilty of not accepting it. As a result, the little ones neglect themselves, aggressively towards their parents. They seem to be taking revenge on adults for a lack of love. Aggression is becoming a response to emotional renunciation.
Another installation leads to the desire to avoid parental attention. A crumb shows his own stupidity, awkwardness, bad habits in order to "scare" an adult away from himself. This behavior directs the baby down the path of social development. The kid, who is rejected by parents, seeks by any means to attract parental attention, even through quarrels, with the help of a break in relations, opposing behavior. Such actions of the child are referred to as "the search for negative attention." A vicious circle is developed here: the growth of stubbornness, children's negativism is directly proportional to the increase in the number of punishments and restrictions, which provokes an intensification of the opposing behavior in the crumbs. The child takes root in their own immature, inappropriate attitude towards relatives, asserting itself through defiant behavior.
How to survive rejection
There are two of the most painful experiences, which are quite difficult to cope with alone. This feeling of despair and rejection of man. It is impossible to hide from these experiences, because you cannot hide from your own person. They are difficult to endure, especially at night, when a person is left to himself, when everything is immersed in the kingdom of Morpheus and peace is ruled by peace. It is then that begin to overcome the gray thoughts, driving away sleep.
The device of a person is such that often he commits actions, based on his experience, without taking any action in order to verify reality. So, for example, the guys who have been refused by young charmer women to go to a rendezvous with them, can later unconsciously come to the conclusion that they are not interesting enough, attractive, or smart. This can lead to the fact that the young men stop calling girls for dates, fearing again to feel themselves rejected. Also, the female sex does not want to relive the rejection of a man, so they avoid close contact with the opposite sex.
People tend to endow the surrounding individuals with the characteristics and traits that they have chosen for themselves within themselves, but at the same time they perceive these qualities as something they have gained from the outside. It is inherent to a person to ascribe to others in advance what they will do or what they say.
The pain of rejection can be healed. It is also possible to prevent its negative, emotional, psychological, cognitive effects. In order to get rid of the trauma of rejection, you need to pay attention to your own emotional wounds. We must accept rejection and understand that it is impossible to please everyone. Friendship gap, does not yet say that no one else will be friends with a person. Rejection by one man does not mean that a woman does not admire others.
In the emotions generated by the rejection of a person, there is a significant plus - if they are accepted and experienced, then these negative feelings will soon disappear.
It is necessary to recognize that non-acceptance causes pain, anger, vexation, aggression towards the rejecting subject, but it is not recommended to get stuck on such negative emotions.
The pain caused by rejection prevents adequate interaction with the social environment. Therefore, the sooner a rejected individual allows himself to experience the whole range of emotions generated by non-acceptance, the more rapidly he will be able to heal.
It is not recommended to ignore the emotions caused by the trauma in question, as they give a powerful impulse to a person for further professional development, as well as personal development.
With a feeling of rejection, first of all, you should try to detach the situation. Often, events can suggest that in the behavioral model of a person causes others to problems. At the same time, people tend to often exaggerate, accepting rejection as personal, not realizing that, for example, a refusal in a position does not characterize him as a person.
No need to take rejection as a frustration. Even if you previously had to endure rejection, you need to comprehend that this is not a negative assessment of a person’s personality. This is only a subjective discrepancy between the desired and reality.
It would be useful to make a small list consisting of five winning qualities of character, features that are especially appreciated by a person. It is desirable that this list be interrelated with the role in which he resided when he was rejected.
If a person is repelled repeatedly, and for a long time he is not able to get rid of painful memories, then it morally devastates him. Individuals subjected to regular rejection are predisposed to alcoholism, depressive moods, drug addiction, suicide. If a person cannot cope with the negative consequences of rejection on his own, it is recommended to seek professional psychotherapeutic help.