The topic of human relationships is a priority for understanding, awareness, and implementation, not only because of spiritual experiences and the possibility of self-realization, but also thanks to the simplest evolutionary mechanisms that acquire social realization. In this basis lies two basic instincts, embedded in any creature - the desire to survive and continue the race.
A person is social, therefore acceptance in a group of people like himself ensures survival, while rejection and isolation are almost equivalent to death (especially in ancient times) or serious mental disorders (now that you can physically live alone, but communication is still necessary). The breeding instinct pushes for giving the greatest importance among all possible social interactions to gender interaction, therefore the relationship between a boy and a girl becomes almost the only topic that occupies the consciousness of adolescents and young people, when hormonal surges control consciousness and all behavior.
Understanding what a relationship between a boy and a girl is, what types of interaction are there, how to distinguish the seriousness of intentions from simple flirting is an individual task for everyone, as well as the requirements for a partner (whether it is a friend, a loved one or a friend) are different for everyone. But in order for young people to somehow orient themselves in the initial period, there are basic things that appear in all normal relations, and this is not the ideal correspondence of a partner with certain parameters, which is impossible in essence, but features of communication. For any kind of relationship, mutual respect and acceptance, support and friendly perception, a desire for help and an interest not only in the partner’s personality, but also in his activities, hobbies, and attitudes are important. Deliberately showing such manifestations is impossible, and it makes no sense to force oneself - it is better to search for that person to whom all this will manifest independently and from the heart.
The psychology of the relationship between a guy and a girl involves building the first stages of interaction based on trust. If this factor is missing, then no intimate attraction, a logical understanding of the similarity of tastes will not help to overcome the barrier of constant tension and alertness. People strive to continue communication throughout their lives in order not to expect betrayal and have constant access to the opportunity to share meaningful experiences and events, to get support or to relax emotionally, to feel that you can be yourself.
In addition to trust, there must also be a sense of the need to give and take care. I mean not the reckless gilding of a loved one, but the ability to support, if necessary, devote his time, sacrifice personal interests, accomplish what is not peculiar, but is done for the sake of a loved one.
It is possible to build relationships between a boy and a girl in different ways, because people even get to know each other in categorically different conditions, and having a luggage of psychotraumas, upbringing, internal foundations also lay different routes of convergence and carry out access to the darkest corners of the soul at different speeds. There are those who after the third date go to register relationships, and there are others who prefer to be friends for several months, then meet for a couple of years. But there is always an opportunity to trace how people begin to relate to people, how the first sympathy manifests itself and what should be taken into account in time for feelings to turn into something serious.
How to start a relationship
Any beginning of the relationship between a man and a girl implies a certain place and acquaintance, so it is worth designating where the romantic feelings can originate. There is no clear list, but there are statistics, where most often acquaintances grow into something more. The most popular places are companies of common friends or colleagues - this gives an initial sense of security and a guarantee of having a minimum number of common topics and interests.
If an acquaintance happens among mutual friends, then be sure that the interesting person that you meet will definitely be pleasant to you, because friends are unlikely to invite obviously opposite friends, besides this, in an indirect way, you have a guarantee of decency of a new acquaintance, or you can ask about it Familiarity on collegial grounds is also frequent among couples who have established serious relationships, since initially people who have much in common not only in the sphere of interests, but also physical indicators, are gathered in a professional environment.
You can uniquely complement each other, come up with a new project, and also understand each other perfectly. Mental features necessary for any professional sphere imply the same type of nervous system, and over time more and the same professional deformation.
Also popular for starting relationships are nightclubs, studios of interest, places located close to home and the Internet. Variants when people meet under unusual conditions are rare, similar to the plot for a film or a fascinating story, but unfortunately, having fallen into the conditions of everyday reality, they turn out to be unviable. The partner usually loses its charm or disproportionate demands are made on it.
Understand that the relationship will be established will be serious in a couple of months, this is enough to get acquainted with the key personality trends, then there will only be detail in the situational moments. People who choose each other decide to spend their lives together in the first half of their acquaintance, while those who have been friends for a long time or have been dating for several years risk creating a problematic family. This is exactly the same as the wedding of two old friends is more like a forced escape from loneliness than a conscious choice with the participation of heartfelt feelings and the coincidence of the values of the surrounding world. Of course, this does not mean that the earlier a serious stage of relations begins, the better, because it takes time to take a closer look and find out the partner in the minimum number of situations.
The rapid development of relationships is possible when feeling love at first sight or understanding that the meeting is very similar to the description in the novels, as well as in the karmic teachings about the kinship of souls. There is nothing mystical about such experiences, just as the skepticism of acquaintances about the passage of obsession will be inappropriate and in the end it will turn out that this is not your man. The feeling of instant love occurs subconsciously, bypassing the criticism of logic, when a person has an approximate understanding of which partner he needs, where he will be comfortable - this is a kind of list of qualities and behavioral features, perhaps elements of appearance.
When a person encounters a person who matches the list of subconsciously desired partners as close as possible, the brain and all systems begin to signal strongly, in practice this manifests itself as a feeling of love and a kindred relationship with a stranger. Such spiritual closeness can be explained by the fact that his image has already existed in consciousness for a long time, and now it has found a material incarnation.
After the acquaintance, as well as the internal radar, identified the new man as a potential partner, all systems of the psyche and somatics begin to work on the realization of these relations. In the classic case, the man will take the initiative, and the girl will react and take signs of attention, but if the temperaments of the partners are different. The first signs of sympathy are manifested in flirting, long-term communication, expression of interest in personal life and passion. Non-verbally, one can determine mutual attraction by the fact that people have longer delayed eye contact, tend to touch each other by accident. Then they spend time together, the company of friends can merge into one large field of acquaintances, where the main unifying elements will be lovers. Later there are thoughts about the wedding, the simple relationship of lovers gradually become more serious.
What is a serious relationship
Serious relationships between a man and a woman are not necessarily determined by their duration, because there are many novels lasting for decades, and people for each other the opportunity to meet their own biological or emotional needs. This is not an exceptionally good sex without any obligations, it is also a possible all-consuming passion, requiring periodic lengthy partings or clarifying the relationship that puts the relationship at risk.
Determining the degree of seriousness in each case is individual and is determined by internal senses (life history) and value system, upbringing and family traditions. So the criterion can be physical intimacy - such a tradition is less relevant in modern society, but some continue to believe that marriage implies the virginity of partners, and intimacy is the last step, after which people become inseparable.
There are possible options for meeting with relatives, whose opinion is important for the person - this is a kind of invitation for a partner in his family. When relationships lasting several years may look serious, but partners are not familiar with each other's families, one can hardly speak of seriousness of intentions or confidence in one’s own choice.
Certainly, marriage is the brightest of the criteria of long-term and noble intentions, but since the procedure for divorce has become simplified, and moral values have been changed throughout society, there may be options. The choice of relationship design (civil, ecclesiastical, registered marriage, cohabitation or meetings) is also influenced by the age of the partners. One can trace the tendency that the older the people, the more serious their relationship. This is due to the fact that there is already an understanding of what love is, certain mistakes have been made and experience of various experiences has been gained, as a result of which the distorted romantic perception of relationships leaves as something magical. Adult people rely on stability and long-term, unlike adolescents, whose choices are dictated by a jump in hormones and a thirst for emotional experiences. The criterion of the desire to continue long-term interaction indicates a serious development.
An agreement is needed on long-term prospects, including the efforts of both spouses to develop and deepen communication, material and psychological well-being. The vision of both partners for a joint future is the same, or approximately in the same direction is more significant than longevity. Where people initially see their interaction for a short period, after which they are going to live separately and do not hide it, we can talk about seriousness, even if it lasts a week. In the variant, when one wants a family, and the other a short novel, and no one talks it over with a dear person, it is impossible to speak about any seriousness.
Also important is the lack of the need to search for other people as a replacement or backup options. This applies both to a global life approach, so that there is someone in case of a divorce, as well as small daily betrayals, when instead of waiting for his person, another changes him for friends or a friend, giving important information or asking for support, especially to them.
You can go to an unknown part of the forest for a picnic, quietly leave with him an unlocked phone and your documents in a visible place - it means that you have a common psychological space. Serious relationships do not mean a stern expression, on the contrary, there is a lot of space for humor and ridiculous everyday situations, the shame and awkwardness of which disappears, and there is warmth and acceptance even in a cold state or after a hard day at work.
Not only the external barriers of its manifestation fall (the girl is not shy to go out without makeup, the guy can afford not to control the body sounds), but also moral communication, when any topics are open for discussion and problems and emerging issues are not ignored. This is especially clearly seen in the discussion of intimacy - when it happens openly and without restraint, then this is a serious attitude, and silence speaks of a crack in emotional intimacy.
Stages of boyfriend and girlfriend relationship
The psyche and all processes affecting it function according to certain laws, passing through the stages of development and transformation. When two personalities begin to interact, the relations between them are transformed, not frozen in one phase. Some consider such changes to be the fading of love, as they constantly strive for psychological fusion and a feeling of eternal euphoria. This is a kind of infantile understanding of relationships, when you only need to get high without recognizing the deep processes of the personality, the development of both partners. Those who want only bright and positive constantly change partners, believing that relations deteriorate or people lied to them earlier, showing only their positive side, but if you understand the stages of relationships, it turns out that such changes are quite normal and they are all couples, retained alliance for a long time.
The first stage of the relationship is called in love and the views of scientists and people on it are different. So a person perceives these manifestations as true love - hormones rule everything. The danger lies in the fact that the criticism of both the state and the perception of the partner is reduced. Impossible oaths can be made here, marriages can be concluded without awareness, if someone quarrels with the parental family, choosing a chosen one, then this happens during a period of extreme love. Such an emotional storm lasts no more than a year, for some it passes in a month, it all depends on what the partners additionally do with their feelings.
After such an emotional period, the so-called satiety phase begins, when the constant need for the presence of a partner weakens, and the person changes the locus of attention and again draws it from the dual interaction to its own mental and external life processes. At this stage, the criticality of perception is turned on, deficiencies are beginning to be noticed, both of the personality of the partner and the style of the relationships themselves, which no longer absorb all their lives. The man is trying to renew past interests, relationships with friends and the daily routine. Sometimes this boredom alone leads to termination of the relationship. In general, this is a rather critical period for a couple, since even if none of the partners wants to return to the usual bachelor life, then the exit from the merger can be perceived falsely as a cooling of the senses, followed by parting.
Smoothly the stage of satiety turns into disgust, the desire to leave and stop all interaction. Here their own illusions finally crumble at the expense of the image of the partner, and he, in turn, having relaxed, begins to demonstrate not only his positive aspects. Such changes for many are extremely striking, which causes resentment and a sense of deceit, betrayal. Few couples can survive this period, even if at a theoretical level they do not realize difficulties or enter into relationships with the expectation that the whole world will be beautiful and revolve around them. If this period cannot be overcome, the couple breaks up and each separately begins to build other relationships again before the onset of disgust, and if they managed to overcome such a crisis, the interaction goes to a deeper level.
Thanks to their own wisdom or the help of a psychotherapist, those who were able to preserve the relationship receive a unique reward - the opportunity to be accepted fully and in any condition, but completely and for what it is. It also requires the mutual full acceptance of a partner, which is harder than falling in love with the invented ideal image, but for the first time in the history of a relationship of personality, people are found spiritually naked without psychological defenses. In such a relationship, for the first time, tolerance and understanding come to the place of unrestrainedness and passion, partners understand that they can be together not only when everything is fine with the two, but a demonstration of love rolls over. This makes it possible for you to relax yourself a little, to express yourself freely and to control every gesture and word - to live.
When he learned acceptance and showed all his sides and needs, the stage of joint ministry begins. It may seem that the stage of falling in love has returned, but in terms of internal mental processes it is a completely different state. Если в начале отношений хотелось радовать другого слепо, не замечая его потребностей и скорее для создания собственного чувства значимости, то теперь появляется готовность жертвовать ради другого из позиции сохранения отношений. Тут начинает действовать принцип не причинения вреда другому, при этом сохраняется собственное ощущение потребностей и проявления интересов. На следующей ступени возникает глобальный базовый уровень уважения.This respect is not for age or merit, beauty or skills, it is true respect for the person who has done a lot for the preservation and development of the relationship. Many are unable to reach this period, surrendering to the second and third stages, not revealing their souls and daring to truly see the partner.
Only after passing through all these stages, a person can meet love, honest with open eyes, looking at a partner. In our society, by this time there are already common children, savings, ups, downs, scandals and crises, and only a few years later people discover not love or dependence, but true deep love, which can manifest itself in friendship and anger, and not only intimate level.