Whiner - this is a disgruntled, whining, forever complaining person. The word whiner comes from the verb "whining", literally means "to make plaintive, weeping sounds." In the languages ​​of the Gothic group was synonymous with the word "dead", and the Irish translates as "hunger", which well reflects the semantic meaning of the word - suffering, selfish requirement of something.

Whiners often call people who are not permanently satisfied with themselves and their surroundings, and also constantly express their discontent with those around them. Whiners, as opposed to people who are looking for help, do not consider options to address the issue, but only talk about its availability. If at the initial stages of communication the interlocutor has a desire to help, respond to the disaster, then gradually realizing that the goal is not a way out of the situation, but the process of discussion and complaints, an impression of a consumer attitude to communication.

General well-being in various areas of life is not an argument to abandon whining. It is not a reflection of the existing reality, it is a character trait, a prism through which life is perceived, and no references and arguments that contradict this perception are denied as far-fetched and unfounded.

Whiner is not able to provide support to the interlocutor, even being in a similar situation and, when mutual assistance is relevant and desirable, he will further aggravate the situation. He draws a resource of attention and puts emphasis on himself, sometimes distracting from aspects that are quite amenable to change and improvement. Translating his negative perception, he creates an atmosphere of apathy and decadence.

Who is the whiner?

Man whiner manifests itself at every opportunity. For most of them, the subject matter is of little importance, since in either one can find negative or controversial aspects that can be explored. At the same time, even the only reason for whining can be a reason to perceive the whole situation as negative.

People prone to whining are associated with weakness and weak-willed, as well as with aggressiveness and selfishness. The sad mimicry, the mournful intonation, the slowed-down, heavy speech reinforce the image of the sufferer, a person who is not able to cope even with domestic problems. At the same time, if you persistently offer a person a way out of the situation, giving advice and pushing towards the determination can be met with tough resistance and accusations of insensitivity and pressure.

Whiners are not inclined to take responsibility for their lives for themselves, tend to blame the environment and circumstances in their plight, even if they created it themselves objectively, often because of whining. But even a direct and reasoned indication to whiners to this is not perceived rationally, everything translates into a plane of excuses.

A whiner can perceive himself as a person who objectively looks at things, realist and rational thinking. The older a person is, the more he will be strengthened in his position, arguing the subjective experience and reinforcing the authority of his position over the years. He is confident in the correctness of his relationship and others can be perceived as small children who build illusions in a situation of fatality.

A man is a whiner in society as the most negative, since culture prescribes him less opportunity to express weakness and more value in solving problems. And since men, on average, are less talkative, the overall percentage of whining in speech is more noticeable to those around them.

A man whiner gives the impression of being irresponsible and passive, even if he actually copes with his tasks.

Our perception takes the lion's share of information from non-verbal signals and the overall image is formed fully. And since the constant repetition of the pattern of behavior is only strengthened in the psyche, the person is a whiner, with time it really becomes more vulnerable. Getting used to his image, it is harder for him to abandon him, whining becomes the dominant trait of character. He begins to increasingly look for excuses for inaction, justifying this and closing the pathological circle.

The society tries to avoid communicating with whiners, as decadent sentiments are dragging out, and refusing to respond to advice on how to get out of the situation offends. Mostly close relatives, especially marriage partners, are affected, and this trait can cause a couple to break.

Baby whiner

From birth, children are not prone to unreasonable moaning, their discontent is associated with biological needs and the desire for intimacy with their relatives. But having an example of whining before his eyes, the child will want to repeat it and, getting what he wants, he will quickly realize that this type of behavior is effective for him.

A child is a whiner prone to whims, poorly responds to educational requests, does not perceive failures. Moreover, being in opposition to an adult, even the smallest and very objective prohibition will cause a long attack of whining. As they get older, the cases of this behavior only become more frequent, since adolescents increase negativity and stubbornness in relation to the authority of an adult.

The transfer of behavioral style to peer communication leads to a deterioration in the socialization of the child in the team, as the whiners make a negative impression on others. A situation of social vacuum is created, which negatively affects the whole life of a growing individual. Just as serious harm is the fact that the child is a whiner often in a depressed state, which has a devastating effect on his health.

To answer the question - if in a family a child is a whiner, what should parents do, it is necessary to take into account that the emerging psyche is very plastic. Children, from birth, learn behaviors inherent in their close surroundings. And if there is a whiner nearby, the risk of the child forming a whiner becomes higher. Because an important step will be the eradication of this feature in adults. The child should calmly and convincingly explain the causes of the situation, which causes the desire to whine. Further, it is possible for some time to ignore the child's nagging, to give him time to understand the information provided. To be led by a whiner’s child is fraught with, as a positive reinforcement of his behavior will motivate him to repeat the situation.

How to stop being a whiner?

Whiner is a style of behavior, a manner of perception of problems. To begin with, it is necessary to understand that whining problems does not solve, but drains time of force and harms communication. Nagging can be perceived as a bad habit that must be disciplined to eradicate.

How to stop being a whiner? To begin with it is necessary to distinguish the range of issues that cause the desire to whine. If the problem lies outside of access to solve, for example, if we are talking about bad weather, then it is important to whiner consciously give the installation to yourself not to speak on this topic, except for maintaining the conversation and only one, maximum two, phrases. Thus, most of the topics for whining will disappear by itself.

In the case, if the question requires direct participation, it is necessary to consider it from a different, productive angle of perception. Therefore, for correction, it is necessary to change the strategy of attitude to problems and move on to perception of them as tasks. It is important to strive to remove the value judgment from the context, to try to look at the problem from the side, impartially.

It is necessary not to state the fact of having a negative aspect, but to ask questions how to influence it. To discuss not the negative aspects of the situation, but the ways out of it. In the first stages, possible options should be recorded. This will help, in the case of a nagging attack, to soberly see that the problem still has solutions that can be manipulated.

Also, it is important to use the available information, rather than seeking to annul its value in absentia. This moment is especially important when communicating with other people, because whiners do not like, because they do not accept the advice they are supposedly asked for, thereby devaluing the adviser. Because of this, the interlocutors seek to avoid the person whiner and his social environment will be poorer.

Sometimes, whining can be a signal of weakening the core of the personality, the onset of depressive changes. For differentiation, one should pay attention to whether other symptoms of depression have appeared, whether nagging has suddenly manifested itself, or it can be argued that a person has always adhered to this style of behavior.

A person who wants to get rid of this trait should avoid contact with people who support or provoke him to be a whiner. This is especially important in the early stages, when there is a desire to use the old pattern of behavior. Over time, it will become more and more noticeable from the side, how ugly this trait looks, how many negative emotions to the interlocutor it causes, and the motivation to completely remove it from her personality will only strengthen and increase.