Psychology and Psychiatry

The first love

The first love - this is a feeling attributed by many to the most powerful and sincere emotional experiences from the entire spectrum that are accessible to a person throughout life. The first feeling of being in love begins in most cases under the influence of a hormonal surge, but thanks to the novelty and brightness of what is happening, it gives rise to the illusory feeling that first love is forever. This elevated and even magical state, which motivates a person to think about the happiness of another, adds energy, fantasy and optimism. All body systems work in a heightened mode, so that lovers are able to carry out actions bordering on feats (do not sleep for days, do not eat, walk a distance of tens of kilometers). The cognitive functions also increase, however, only with respect to the object of love (i.e., it is easy to calculate the time schedules of two people so as to spare an extra minute of the meeting, but solving the equation for the second class can be difficult).

First love is a stage of initiation and contains the most valuable life experience, which is not erased from memory and is able to influence the future life of the individual, as well as the development of interpersonal relationships.

People act differently with their first love and memories of it. Someone wants to return those bright feelings, someone will bask in the memories, and someone prefers not to remember and not to meet. It all depends on what the first love was filled with and how it ended.

What is first love?

First love is a kind of stage in the development of personality, which helps to form the ability to accept another. A common cause of the end of the first strong feeling is the heat of passion. In such a state, a person notices only his own new emotions, and does not love another, he rather loves his new state, attitude, love itself. The object of love is not much noticed, only your own need for it is felt. Passing through the experience of first falling in love teaches us to notice and take care of another person, to express one's feelings in the most acceptable form, to show attention and ability to build contact, dialogue, joint pastime.

First love leaves an imprint on which partners a person will choose in the future, and which scenarios will be followed when building a relationship. If the experience was painful, but it was not possible to draw constructive conclusions and assign the experience gained, then it is likely that this unfulfilled experience will be transferred to your future life (choose similar partners, continue to make the same mistakes). Such actions are unconscious in nature and are aimed at resolving the situation in the past, seeking to recreate it until the desired positive result appears.

Any situation tends to be complete, and it is better to return to unlived feelings, to see what this person teaches you and the experience you have had in order to have more power over your own emotional life in the future. It is the unspoken words of love or unlived parting that can push you back into the arms of a person who has simply used or significantly changed in the past time, but these changes will not allow you to see his image frozen in your perception.

When does the first love come?

The first words about the appearance of first love begin to fly off the lips in kindergarten, when the time comes to the next stage of sexual development and the child notices the difference between boys and girls, acquires his own sex-role identification. To call this feeling love, despite the promises of the baby "to marry Masha," no one takes it seriously, and for the lover himself the object changes very easily. This is not love, but training in managing social roles, fitting a new image, researching the reactions of others in the light of new information.

The first love and its beginning approximately coincide in many people, and this is a natural phenomenon caused by hormonal changes and the completion of the process of puberty. Such lovers have a chain reaction in adolescence, and soon after the first couple it turns out that everyone is in love.

At the age of 11 to 16 years old, sexual desire is recognized, which, due to the lack of experience of these experiences, is confused with first love. Also, due to the age characteristics of one of the basic needs of a teenager is the recognition and desire to like. Against the backdrop of sharp mood swings and the division of all life events into excellent and terrible, and people like friends and enemies, it is easy to succumb to illusions and decide that first love is forever, only thanks to the approval of a certain person and the novelty of sensations.

If relationships arise on the basis of sincere feelings, rather than a desire to merge with a crowd of peers who are already mired in Shakespeare's passions, then there will be anguish and anxiety associated with analyzing one’s own behavior. A lot of complexes and psychological barriers, lack of experience in building relationships add unnecessary discomfort and so bewildered to a lover.

What many consider to be the first love is rather to be taken for being in love, since this feeling is dictated mainly by physiological needs, and not spiritual. That is why the first love ends with parting, because a person develops, begins to look closely at his companion, when the hormonal storm subsides a little and often reveals a person far from ideals, values ​​and aspirations inherent in his own soul.

True love comes after this hormonal explosion. When there is already an interest not only in emotions, but in the personality and thoughts of the chosen one, when the experience of interaction with the opposite sex is obtained, and when a new knowledge about oneself has appeared. This usually happens at the end of a school or at the beginning of an institution, but it all depends on the person, his personal characteristics, and his willingness to open up to another.

Those who have had a traumatic experience of teenage love can shut themselves off from romantic feelings and for a long time have no relationships and feelings. Those who survived this more or less positively and took into account the mistakes made, shake off and begin to love.

When does the first love come? First love flashes against the background of common hobbies or hanging out, can be mutual and lead to a wedding, and may not be mutual. In any case, this is a step in the development of one’s own personality, whether it is the ability to show one’s concern for a person, support, develop conflict resolution skills or self-development, the purpose of which is initially to please the love object, and the result can be very different. And if a person is not able to see the next stage of development in what is happening, but plunges into depression, closes itself from the world, stops taking steps forward and regresses, then the question may arise how to forget first love after many years.

How to recognize love at first sight?

Love at first sight can occur in a fifth of a second, and this rate of inspiring feeling is due to hormonal release and is not a rare occurrence. There are several reasons for the existence of such a mechanism and the first one is genetic, based on the fact that for the emergence of healthy offspring a certain genetic compatibility is needed, which is calculated for these few moments, and accordingly, the stronger the sympathy, the better the genetic coincidence for the continuation of strong and enduring kind of possible. Analysis of physical and intellectual capabilities is useless here, everything happens at the level of smell and pheromones. Another reason for the emergence of fast love is the similarity of the faces of lovers (the person seems familiar in advance, which causes trust) and the benevolence of mind, the interest of the love object in the other. Approximately on the same principle, it is likely to quickly fall in love with someone similar to their parents, even with a few features.

So it is worth looking at your chosen one with a cool head and looking for whether you have something in common besides a successful combination of chromosomes. Rate the degree of closeness of your level of education, life, cultural preferences, because it may turn out that you will not have to do anything but smart sex together due to an irresistible cultural abyss. Decide what kind of relationship you expect, and if this is something light and short, then physical attraction will suffice, if you are applying for a serious romance, you will have to take a closer look.

Love at first sight has its merits, such as the absence of a search for a partner, comparisons, disappointments and long lapping. This is where the negative sides may lie in wait, because if you hurry and don’t get to know a person better, then the probability of a divorce increases. Such little things as life and habits, religious and political views seem insignificant only on the wave of emotional uplift, which will definitely subside and it would be good at this moment to be in the same apartment with a person who shares your goals and principles.

Love at first sight requires endurance and the ability to keep your emotions under control. You should not hurry and overwhelm the object of your feelings with confessions, even absolutely sincerely, such behavior is alarming and makes you think about frivolity.

It happens that love at first sight and its rapid emergence is due to prolonged loneliness or being among those who are not interested or from another circle. This state is insidiously the ones that the image of a person is invented and hung on a new acquaintance, while it is not possible to notice the real state of affairs. Take a pause, clarify things that are obvious to you, check that this is a person like this or it’s you who have come up with it.

How to forget the first love?

First love is one of the strong experiences that a person experiences, it affects the events of the future life and leaves its imprint on everyone's soul. That is why it is impossible to forget the first lover, whether this love is happy and mutual or not. The memory of this can live, even when a happy life has already been built with someone else, and to bring a pleasant romanticism, tell about their grandchildren about this. Although it happens that these memories can bring unpleasant emotions, and there is a desire to delete them. First, honestly, you should answer yourself if you really want to forget your first love, because dramatic experiences can serve as makeup for creativity or motivation for achievements, perhaps this is how you defend yourself from other relationships by giving all the reserve forces to experience negative emotions. What happens if this memory disappears? Where does creativity come from, why achieve success and how to communicate in a new format? Many new and complex questions arise after this, and perhaps even unnecessary changes.

Forgetting the following relationships is usually easier, wounds after them are delayed more quickly, but with the first love everything is more complicated. It is unlikely to be forgotten, but you can stop reacting so painfully and bring back the colors of a full life. You should not isolate yourself from friends and hobbies, try to continue to live as before, following the same schedule as before. Faster is the fact that did not entail a significant change in life, and by maintaining social contacts, you can get support. Staying with the same activities - does not mean staying in the same emotional state and pulling a smile, crying, when sad memories roll in, let your feelings out.

How to forget the first love? Usually, when parting, there is a lot of free energy that was previously spent in relationships, and then begins to be sent to memories and suffering, to bear plans for return and depressive thoughts. Let this energy on your dreams, for which there was not enough time or energy (study, travel, new projects, creativity).

The first time you have to watch out for your thoughts, so that they do not constantly turn around the object of your affection, and also do not acquire an unreal catastrophic character ("I will no longer be happy", "I will never love", etc.). Try to take care of yourself and provide basic needs (maintain a sleep mode, provide good nutrition, take care of your appearance), since such ordinary and automatic things often become less important against the background of strong feelings, but their violation can only aggravate the situation.

How to forget and experience parting with first love? To reduce the painfulness of memories it is worth analyzing these relationships, to understand what good they brought, what they taught. Analyzing the past, you care about your own future, and do not allow the same mistakes or you will not get involved with the wrong person.

Asking how to forget the first love after many years, many people forget about the good moments and concentrate on the bad ones, as usually happens if you try to completely remove the memories. If you give them some time to flow freely, then you can see a lot of bright memories, encouraging words, practical advice that may be useful in the present moment, cause a smile and gratitude to the person.

Over time, there comes an understanding that there was nothing special and unique in the first love, just the brightness of perception against the background of the absence of such experience. If you compare your new relationships with first love, they always lose in terms of richness, but not in depth. Like all the first, the first love will be brighter, as the first day at a new place is always brighter than the next. Compare the quality of relationships, if you have already made comparisons, instead of enjoying the uniqueness of what is happening.

So, how to forget the first love after many years? Set new life goals or return to the realization of old ones that were forgotten because of the love itself or the experience of parting. Such activities will help you to distract and fill in the empty spheres of life, to tighten gaps or to reach new heights. An unacceptable option to escape is to enter into a new relationship, without awareness of the previous situation. This is an unconditionally powerful method, and you, of course, will distract from the experiences, thanks to a new partner, but you risk being again with a ruined personal life, repeating the same mistakes.

Get rid of things that are reminiscent of first love, and fill the places with new emotions (arrange a picnic with friends in the clearing where you sat or ride with your girlfriend on the rollers along the streets where you loved to walk). Be busy, and your life, and not a permanent profile view of the former in social networks.