Psychology and Psychiatry

Women Friendship

Women Friendship - it is a kind of friendly interaction based on disinterested relationships, which are built on mutual trust and sincerity, common preferences of interests arising between women. The concept of friendship does not have its division by gender, friendship is defined by relationships and their quality, certain moral principles governing and underlying these relationships.

Female friendship in life is represented by various options (situational and long-term, deep and friendly, due to interest in the activities or personality of a friend), which originated in antiquity, when all women of the tribe were near the hearth, waiting for men to hunt. It is this form of building society that laid in women the need for constant female communication and such its features that distinguish female from male friendship. For women, social acceptance and security are more important, as well as meeting the need to throw out their own feelings.

The version that women's friendship does not exist, appeared after comparing female relationships with men’s and is generated by the peculiarities of the female psyche, which is characterized by inconstancy and excessive emotionality. Often girlfriends disagree in moments of falling in love with one man, while men themselves consider female friendship a pretense because a woman is able to blacken her friend behind her back in a fit of feelings or a bad mood, smiling into her eyes. However, there is also an opposite opinion that women's friendship is stronger than men’s, because not every man rushes at night somewhere or hangs on the phone for hours "because a friend has a bad heart", and a woman always tries to help her friend in a difficult situation, and no matter how objective the difficulties are.

Is there a female friendship?

Friendship is an analogue of marriage, only without intimate relationships, and the remaining duties and privileges (support, dedication, interest, communication, sharing of impressions and life) remain.

Accordingly, the statement that women's friendship does not happen is fiction, although the presence of certain features cannot be denied. Conversations are more important for women than actions. That is why it is more important to discuss the problem in detail (even if it takes a few hours) than to look for ways to solve it or solve it, because the goal is to share an emotional state. Such a female trait, as the desire to preserve relationships, results in the maintenance of friendship as a stable form of the existence of these relationships, with much less attention being paid to what kind of content these relationships carry. So, a friend can be terribly annoying, expose, you can swear at her and complain about her every day, but still remain friends.

But women are often prevented from being friends by envy or the appearance of a man. In the first case, the sense of competition does not give rest and begins quite anecdotal confrontation about the fact who has a longer coat, and who has a bigger house. There is nothing new or strange in such behavior, because friendship is initially a union of equals, which allows us to find common points of contact. And in the case of the appearance of a man, not a single female friendship has collapsed, from the competition for the attention of one man or from the fact that a friend has ruined the family and led her husband away.

Does a female friendship ever happen, usually shows time, over which relations undergo various changes and either strengthen or break up.

Psychology of female friendship

Of course, any friendship has some common points, which is defined by this concept itself, but there are certain psychological gender features that make certain adjustments to what men’s and as female friendships look like.

Features of the female psyche do not allow just to listen to her friend. Each time a woman immerses herself emotionally in a friend's story and experiences the whole range of emotions from joy to grief, depending on the story. The high level of empathy, which is inherent in women genetically and formed as one of the mechanisms supporting the connection between mother and child, works for women not only with respect to their own offspring, but also when communicating with loved ones. When women communicate, they exchange emotions, imbue their sensual sphere, launch the mechanism of energy circulation.

From the point of view of a man, such communication may look like useless chatter, and not as friendship, because all the time he is busy retelling what happened and there are no options for finding a way out of a difficult situation. Such a distribution of dialogue would be indicative of male friendship, whereas women understand that a friend now does not need a ready-made solution, she needs an emotional response and the ability to speak out.

The psychological foundations of female friendship are laid from an early age when children play, divided into boys and girls. Initially, this is due to the presence of interest in certain games and playing specific social roles, and historically it was this order of things. So, from a children's society graft ability to same-sex friendship.

In addition to the historical and educational predestination of the emergence of female friendship, there is a physiological aspect of its occurrence. Since the nervous system, hormones and psyche of women and men function in different ways, then the methods of communication are respectively different. So it turns out that with the same presentation of information, one woman will understand the other, and a man can be unsettled and sound like an unknown language. There are facts in a man’s speech, a clear presentation of information, and the emotional part is practically absent, and therefore not a lot of words are spent, everything is simplified and reduced to the maximum. In women's communication, the main place is occupied by emotions, the narrative is rich in comparisons and metaphors, stories are told in faces and intonations, and the purpose of the conversation is the process of conversation. It is in order to share the emotions of women and make friends, and men choose a men's society to shut up and solve any issues.

Whether female friendships sometimes happens depends on the balance of energy in a relationship (it is necessary to invest equally in interaction when someone becomes a vampire, then the relationship collapses), mutual respect and the absence of hidden mercenary motives, compatibility of interests.

The most sincere and strong female friendship appears in childhood and school years, when the soul of a person is still clear of double thoughts, and a person is interesting in itself, when heart wounds have not yet been received and the person has not become more closed. With such friends, you can be yourself and feel comfortable, because they just saw us by any and in different states. It was with them that the first joys and losses, difficulties and love, dreams and fears were shared. With friends of childhood, a sense of family can arise and such a feeling can last a lifetime if friends develop at the same pace and maintain common goals and a worldview. If, in the process of developing and acquiring different life experiences, the spheres of interests and values ​​change, there are fewer points of contact, then friendship just fades away. This is the most painless way to end female friendship, and at its opposite pole is the desire of two friends to the same, causing competition and destroying relationships, whether it is the desire to occupy the same position, love for one man or the desire to win at a dog show.

At a more mature age, we begin to choose friends consciously, and communication is based on joint interests, but it starts to include special conditions that will be beneficial to the parties. It may be a desire to seem more beautiful against a less presentable girlfriend, a desire to use connections, using a girlfriend to drain your own negative emotions or as a magic wand. Increasingly, friends are not divided according to the degree of trust (as a child, there was definitely a "best friend"), but according to the functions performed. On one you can go shopping, on the other on the bars, the third is an excellent masseuse, and the fourth can sit with the child, and so on to infinity. And this is fine, as long as communication is mutually beneficial, and not one constantly fulfills the whims of the other, thereby depleting the relationship. And one more fact in defense of such an approach in female friendship is that with age it becomes harder and harder to meet a person who has formed just like you, and satisfaction is required by all the diversity of your personality.

Why there is no female friendship?

The fact that women's friendship in life happens is usually questioned by men, but they do not question the existence of real male friendship. Indeed, there is much more interference with women, because in relationships they are guided by feelings. And if in a male friendship two people can logically and calmly assess the situation, one is able to maintain a rational perception of the situation and thereby smooth out sharp corners, then when two women communicate, they get a nuclear mixture of emotions and moods that are poorly amenable to intellectual control.

The first thing that wedges between friends and does not allow friendship to exist is envy. By and large, the feeling of envy is an indicator of desires and needs that are not currently being met. In women, the feeling of envy flares up quite sharply, as it is directly related to the instinct of survival and the provision of offspring. Keeping such a sense of competitiveness doesn’t prevent girls from having heart-to-heart conversations, spending time together, but waiting for any victim in a critical situation is not worth it.

True friendship does not pass with age and implies a sufficiently deep knowledge of another person. Men who may not know how many children his friend (guided by tactful behavior in asking questions and the position “we are not friends with children”) are able to maintain good relations for much longer than women. This distance makes it possible to remain in an acceptable manner. In the case of female friendship, friends know everything about each other, in general, everything, so the illusions of communication with the most beautiful person soon dissipate, there are moments that contradict the inner convictions of one of them, as well as the vulnerability to get hit in the most painful place. Not many people usually withstand the test of closeness, but those who have passed it remain together for the rest of their lives. This feature also gives reason to doubt the presence of female friendship, as such, because it looks like they met - became friends - in two months the enemies. Although in these two months of events for the inner emotional life could have happened more than with the male friendship for decades.

Friends should be friendly to girls, because there are cases when telling your best friend everything about yourself, your man or your job as a result of jealousy that has arisen or if you have a divergence of ways you can get a backstab. When male friendship ends, men simply diverge, while women may begin to avenge or give up on marks and painful comments. About the many cases where the "best" friend, knowing all the features of her personal life, led away her beloved man, many articles and topics were written on the forums. Close together is worth careful, and the details of the most valuable about your life is better to trust only the closest ones who will be glad for you, and not envy.

If you do not rely only on external non-essential manifestations, then we conclude that women's friendship exists. It is the ease and ease of communication, which can border on not necessarily causing a feeling of lack of serious friendship, but when the situation becomes serious, reliability, seriousness, and the desire to come to the rescue is manifested. Male friendship is more weighty and serious all the time and becomes more productive in critical situations - there is simply no internal resource left, while it is women who are able to mobilize and pull a girlfriend out of a stuck car or coma.

The rules of female friendship

It is good when there are friends and time-tested friends who, however, can be lost due to non-observance of simple rules of friendship.

Try to be friends with equal to you, on social status, on intelligence, level of success and marital status. The smaller the gap between friends in each of the spheres of life, the less likely there is envy, which destroys both the person and the relationship.

Personal problems that you have with your man, boss, mother - decide with these people, and do not run to complain or consult with a friend. You will not solve your own problems with this kind of behavior and overload it by dragging in the wrong relationship, where your friend should not be, but will be the third, very often interfering party. In difficult situations where you can not cope on your own, contact the psychotherapist better, so you can keep your family and friendship.

In any relationship, you must observe the psychological distance - temporal and informational. The first is about leaving your friend's personal time and space needed for a holiday. There is nothing worse than intrusiveness when a person believes that he has the right to demand your attention at any time. The second information distance is about the amount of information that you trust your friend. You should not tell everything, at least, because the information that came into the access of your girlfriend, can be unwittingly told to third parties, without any malicious intent.

Any relationship has a chance to be long-term and mentally nutritious under the condition of equivalence, i.e. if you are now donating an hour of your time to a friend, then you have the right to a service of a similar cost. It is also the case with care, attention, support. As soon as the imbalance begins, and someone only gives, and the other accepts, the friendship ends and parasitism begins.

The unspoken rules of friendship include protecting the interests of a friend in her absence, voluntary help, lack of criticism from outsiders, sharing news, and keeping secrets of trusted information. The violation of such obvious things leads to complaints, quarrels and cessation of communication.

And most importantly - appreciate those who can genuinely rejoice at your success, perhaps this is the most obvious sign of true friendship.