How to forgive cheating wife - This is a question that worries all husbands who are faced with female infidelity. Should I forgive the betrayal of his wife? How to survive betrayal? Is it possible for the family to function normally after it? The topic of infidelity is one of the most frequently discussed and acute problems. And if men's treason is more traditional, then female treason as a common phenomenon began to be discussed only recently. Psychologists observe that it is men who are more confused after the fact of treason.
Treason is a manifestation of some long-existing psychological problems in a couple, usually it does not occur in a day. This problem reveals subtle places in relationships. Actually, a purely physical fact of treason, an intimate relationship outside the bondage of marriage is only a small part of the injury. The emotional distance, betrayal, recognition of secrets in a relationship, that a part of a wife’s life goes beyond her husband’s careers are also wounded.
Therefore, having asked a question whether to forgive his wife’s adultery, a man can decide it for himself positively, having considered betrayal as an indicator of the current crisis, the point after which nothing can be changed anymore. Surely, before the fact of infidelity, you had to turn a blind eye to the difficulties in marriage, and now he has put you in front of the awareness and choice - to solve them or to break off the relationships you have created by both.
Of course, many men, especially after discussing this issue with friends, or if the fact of the wife’s betrayal became known to others - when asked if they should forgive the wife’s betrayal, they react extremely negatively and emotionally. Here they play and restrained pride, and a feeling of insolubility of the bulk of the problems, revealed in an instant.
But at this very moment the spouses, having gathered together and trying to understand what is happening, can for the first time consciously think about how to transfer their relations to a higher level. They first begin a normal dialogue. And if the actual betrayal itself does not break their relations to smithereens, then from this point on it is possible to build a more functionally active family.
Is it possible to forgive the betrayal of a wife?
Should I forgive the betrayal of his wife? For various reasons, a woman can make this mistake. But the "glue" that binds their relationship, if the spouses value them, have something to save the marriage, often gives rise to a desire to correct and build a relationship again. If it is not, if the wife of this treason sought only to find an additional reason to break the relationship, make the problem worse, make the unspoken obvious - perhaps the marriage was already “dead” and there was nothing to save.
It is necessary to ask a question whether a man should forgive his wife’s adultery without being blindly following the advice of relatives or friends. Because they often have a personal, albeit unconscious, motive to influence the course of events. In this way, hidden revenge can manifest itself, which is often expressed in an active push for divorce, incitement to the problem and pseudo-participation. Or the person himself remains lonely and tries to impose the same life scenario on you, in order not to perceive himself so lonely, to strengthen his life strategy through you.
Men need to look at the betrayal of his wife as an illustration of the crisis in marriage, the crisis created not by his wife, but with their mutual participation. Understand what you expect from your partnership, why did you not talk about it before, what you need to make in your relationship so that betrayal was impossible further? This will allow you not only to make out this problem, but also enrich your family life. Sometimes, even if the marriage could not be saved, the analysis of this problem comes in handy for the man in the following relationships; it prevents such difficulties in a new partnership, as they often depend on the man as well.
There is a categorical opinion that a person who has changed once must continue to change. And the man here feels the fear of uncertainty, disorder, lack of control of life with this woman. Sometimes, even loving, he can experience the loss of trust so strongly that he decides to break off relations and remain bachelor, but only after a while to build relationships, at the same time as partners, choosing the most predictable woman.
A man more often experiences betrayal, like a betrayal of a partner in a business - when he failed and found his benefits on the side. Now it’s dangerous to deal with him, because where can we get guarantees that this situation will not happen again? Following the logic, he forces himself to make a decision that will secure him. If this approach is close to you, then it is worth exploring the directness and honesty in a woman’s behavior, not trying to exaggerate and denigrate her act, not to inflate the image of possible future problems, and also to rationally judge what needs she was trying to satisfy on the side. It is possible that in your partnership her interests were infringed, she could not get something super important for her. Only by determining what it is, you will more objectively judge the situation.
How to forgive the betrayal of his wife and live on?
Is there a family life after treason? How to find strength for forgiveness? Do not fantasize about what is happening in your family. Find out, find out what is the attitude of the wife to what happened. People tend to make mistakes, tend to make mistakes, in which then repent. In particular, female adultery often indicates unspoken problems, lack of understanding between the spouses. Perhaps she was eager to inform you about emotional problems, but you could not perceive them, but she did not have the courage and directness to continue talking about them further, to insist and look for ways out.
Or was there no participation from you, a desire to build relationships? In this version of a dry, lifeless, essentially formal relationship, a woman perceives herself as unnecessary to her husband, unloved. She, trying to get rid of the experience of the emptiness of her own life, can find a way out in a third-party relationship, especially if there is an understanding suitor who is ready to demonstrate participation, to be attentive to her, which is fueled by her inaccessibility and unwillingness to actually break family ties and cheat on her husband.
If you want to build quality relationships in principle, without even considering now, with this woman or in the future, you need to look into your personal fears. And those parties that you did not want to notice, recognize as part of reality, wanting to follow only your decisions.
Women consider relationships to be the main value of life. When a wife has changed - very rarely this is just a need for sexual contact with another man, rather, it is a cry for attention and help, an attempt to find genuine relationships and understanding. In the situation of female treason, it is not hedonistic needs that come to the first line, but the desire to build relationships. Women are more likely to stick to one permanent male, which is promoted by the production of the hormone oxytocin, which is released from women during orgasm in greater numbers than the male hormone of affection.
Criteria for treason for each couple are individual. For some, betrayal is correspondence in the social network; for others, having sex is not genuine betrayal. And as practice shows, more often the relationship is destroyed not only by the fact of betrayal, but because of the consequences, the fact that the couple could not draw conclusions, followed the path of further destruction of the relationship. Also, in the case of suspicion and constant reminders, the wife, even regretting the betrayal, thinks about leaving because she will not be able to forget her betrayal or forgive.
There are two common opinions: one thing - you need to forgive treason, the other - it is absolutely impossible to do this. Male opinion is often that the wife, changing, looking for freedom or intimate pleasures. However, statistics confirms that she is looking for relationships, which, as it turns out, may in fact not be in the family. It happens that after years of marriage, an understanding of the presence of a family as a system with its responsibilities, but the lack of genuine intimacy, of the relationship itself comes to the spouses. A woman, seeking a third-party relationship, usually has a problem with self-esteem, the complexity of living as a full-fledged woman, requires the recognition of a man. If she does not receive him in marriage, it is only a matter of time when his wife begins to search for other relationships, and whether they will form.
The problem of female adultery arises from the lack of self-satisfaction, which ultimately leads to the desire to get an assessment from the outside. Receiving the attention and recognition of men, a woman temporarily feels an upsurge, feels full. In marriage, even with mutual feelings, the spouses eventually get used to each other, the woman ceases to receive courtship from her husband, but continues to strongly need them.
Here we come to the grounds of the opinion that once a person has changed, he will always change, and the only right decision is to break. Yes, if you do not work with the internal psychological situation, the problem of betrayal will not go anywhere. A woman needs to solve a problem with her self-esteem, personal significance, ability to get pleasure from life, deep satisfaction from her feminine nature.
How to forgive the betrayal of his wife and live on? A man should understand for himself why he chose this woman, and what, perhaps, his behavior strategy is consistent with the behavior of a woman with low self-esteem. What is required for a wife to feel satisfied with you?
If the emotional nature of your wife requires attention, then the husband, who does not want to face betrayal, should be able to listen to his wife, give her a talk, because in this way she throws out her emotions, shares experiences. Today, many relationships often have a male orientation, partners live like friends, business associates, and femininity remains unfulfilled, finding a splash only in children, rare moments of spousal romance and, as in our situation, in new connections on the side. To save a marriage, you need to learn how to preserve the authenticity of relationships, to deepen them, which is a great difficulty for both.
How to forgive betrayal of his wife - the advice of psychologists
If you have been wondering for a long time whether you need to forgive your wife’s betrayal, and decide to go further in the analysis of this complex problem - the advice of psychologists will help you. After talking with your wife, when you have chosen to keep the relationship and life on together, you will face the following problems.
You will probably begin to look for the cause personally in yourself. It may or may not be. A man who has been changed often begins to drive himself into a corner, believing himself guilty of everything and concluding that things are not so personal with him. Forget about it. Start looking for positive confirmations that you are in order, see how your person is treated at work, friends, relatives. You will find out what is important to them, which means that there are many things in you that others value you for.
How to forgive the betrayal of a wife if a man has a rejection of her body? This is a normal reaction. Here you need to wait for time and it is better to undergo psychotherapy in order to live on a basic level and resolve these emotions of rejection. You will begin to perceive every word of your wife as a lie, to look for a trick even in truth, to try to uncover her plans. Your distrust will be based on ignorance of what else the wife can afford. You may even experience the feeling that she, as a person, is alien and unfamiliar to you.
How to forgive cheating wife? Tips of psychologists on this subject are: there are several options for the course of events further. Either you start chasing this complex emotional state in a circle, suspicious of everything, no matter how much the wife tries to show you her attitude by actions - and then the relationship will most likely fall apart, as you are driving both yourself and her. If after six months you have found yourself still in the whirl of thoughts, it is worth going to a psychologist, it is very difficult for one to leave the circle. Or you will begin to communicate and discuss, live this topic with friends, relatives. Here you need to carefully select the interlocutor. If a person has lived the fact of treason several times - he will not have a positive effect on your situation. It is worth talking to those who have the experience of passing through adultery and maintaining relationships. He will give you peace of mind and confidence, help you say goodbye to illusions, and in fact they constitute a large part of the problem.
Following the law of compensation, if you wanted to return the pain that you experienced from treason, and now you are trying to hurt your wife in return - return it by half less. Then you emotionally compensate for the negative, moving towards reducing the problem, but not fanning it.