Psychology and Psychiatry

Why men do not want to marry

Why men do not want to marry? The reasons why members of the stronger half do not feel like marrying grow and multiply every day. If you do not try to explore the individual history of each individual with his life experience, and injuries received in a relationship, and turn to the study of the history of all mankind, then there are certain differences in relation to marriage in the present and past generations. So, earlier it was very difficult to survive alone, people united in families, rallied in clans and lived a life similar to a communal one, which helped to survive. Now the conditions have changed, and the person is fully capable of independently securing his own existence, which removes the need for marriage, as in a vital need. Again, the laws of public morality have become much more flexible, and no one will reproach a young man for living with a girl without a painting or to consider an idle status as something not very attractive in her job description.

Gone are the terrible times when to go abroad required the presence of a family, when for the transience of novels they could be called to a friendly court. The moral foundations of society and the material aspects of existence have ceased to have any influence on the formation of a married couple. Even the conditional division of responsibilities on a gender basis is no longer relevant, men are well prepared and staffed their home with necessary appliances.

It turns out that the reasons for entering into or not entering into a marriage at the moment can be mainly internal psychological motives and peculiarities, as well as feelings towards a potential chosen one.

Why men do not want to marry - psychology

Psychological reasons why modern men do not want to marry can be due to both external objective reasons and internal unconscious components. The first thing that lays the fundamental perception of family life is an example of a parental family. If a man from childhood witnessed scandals, squabbles, fights, disrespectful attitude, or if he lived only with his mother, who did not work out her own pain and frustration, she constantly negatively responded about his father and all men in general - the idea is being formed that marriage spoils relationships and lives people. A man may unconsciously eschew the formalization of a relationship, considering this to be the cause of all the negative experiences of parents, and being guided by the reluctance to repeat.

The next reason why men do not want to marry is the reluctance to remarry. Guess why men after a divorce do not want to marry is not difficult, because this is their own experience, and not watching others. Those. he already knows from the inside what is waiting for him after the registrar, and his fantasy doesn't draw anything good after divorce now.

If there is no trauma received directly from the marital experience, and the man is not going to legitimize the relationship, then the matter may be in his personal comfort. He was used to a certain schedule, state of affairs, freedom, and perhaps the fact that his friends could visit him without warning at three in the morning. To let a woman into her home initially means changing her own habits, restricting freedom and rebuilding life. Not everyone is ready for this, even if it is only about moving the girl to him, and not the wedding. Living on a different living space is emotionally more comfortable, and if the work is nervous, then the strength to establish something new and highlight a woman’s shelves for cremics may simply not be enough energy.

It should be borne in mind that men feel differently responsible, and the official registration of relations is immediately seen by them as the need for their own housing, the ability to support themselves and several other people independently (after all, the wife is on maternity leave, and she and the women are paid less). A simple ceremony with a white dress in their eyes looks like a mortgage, sleepless nights and an increase in the burden of responsibility for a few more people. It is horrifying, especially if your own life has not yet been completely fixed.

This reason has similar moments with the belief that you first need to achieve something and firmly "stand on your feet." Perhaps, as a child, he decided that his family would not live in a dormitory and eat empty porridge, as he had. It’s logical and objective to solve everything separately, because a lot of couples are quite happy living in the same hostel. It happens that this motive is truthful, but it also happens that they are beautifully covered by the lack of feelings for a woman until she meets the same one.

Intimate surroundings unwittingly affect the attitude towards marriage simply by the established relationships of each of the members of the person’s mini-world. So, if all friends are free, the likelihood of registering relationships is low and possible with a lot of love or the influence of friends overpowering friends.

Why men do not want to marry a second time?

Why men after a divorce do not want to marry or put forward this reason as a weighty one, but which is only a cover for their unwillingness to bind their lives with obligations, depends on the causes and course of the divorce, as well as emotional aftermath. If a man, referring to unsuccessful relationships, constantly criticizes his current woman, indicating to her that she repeats the mistakes of his past wife, then most likely the reason for not wanting to repeat negative experiences is fictionalized, and the man does not find the courage to give sincere reasons. Even if you believe, it turns out that it was he who chose a woman who looked like his past wife, but at the same time did not want a repetition. Such a sophisticated form of masochism.

If, indeed, the previous marriage was unsuccessful and wounded the man’s heart, then he may be wary of building a serious relationship again. After betrayal, it is hard to begin to trust, after constant reproaches - to start acting and to offer, after humiliations - to believe in your need and beauty. The wound must be prolonged, the feelings, even if the negative ones, go to bed, otherwise the past relationships will be a dark shadow in your family. And here it is worth paying tribute and to thank the man who is not in a hurry to sign, until the past is completely over.

Men are more attached to relationships than women, so having experienced the collapse of relationships once, it takes a lot of courage and restored internal resources to be able to retry. Now, without rose-colored glasses and with full awareness, confirmed by cordial "scars", that this relationship may not be forever, that the negative experience that has already happened once again can happen there. As long as there are no such resources, or the woman beside her is not patient and sensitive enough, the man will be on deaf defense and act according to the restrictive but retaining principle that if no one is close, then no one will hurt.

Why men do not want to marry a woman with a child?

Not every man’s refusal of a wedding is motivated by the presence of a woman’s children, if you look deeper into the situation, you may find out various details that radically change the perception of human behavior. If initially the man knew about the child and did not stop the attempts of rapprochement, then it is possible that the proposal on living together will come a little later than the woman expects. Another story, if people are in the process of dating, and such news is always a surprise, shock and confusion - it is unimportant that the woman reported the news as soon as possible, tried to pick up words and a moment, making everything delicate or brought down the information suddenly.

If a woman has delayed with such news, then the man’s refusal is not that to marry, but in general from the relationship is fully explained by his bewilderment and anger for concealing such important information. It is likely that he made plans for a joint future, desires became more serious and joint dreams, but this all became irrelevant. Not because a man is an ardent opponent of children or hates this particular one, no. It’s just that now everything that he dreamed, planned and cherished, will have to be changed or canceled - these are spiritual strengths and disappointments. Confidence immediately falls to zero, because if she hid her own child for a long time, she wondered what other surprises might come to light, and how she was going to build a family that was driving her behavior. From this point on, the most favorable development of a joint future may be to start a relationship from scratch, acquaintance with the inclusion of a child there. If a woman (because of fear, unwillingness to lose a loved one, following other people's advice, etc.) did not immediately present her maternal role, but the man remained - this indicates the seriousness and depth of his feelings for this woman. Perhaps he later marries as soon as he moves away from the shock.

If the woman immediately informed the man that she had a child, usually, the man disappears immediately. Feelings have not yet had time to get stronger, there is no strong connection and there is no serious experience of breaking. When a man decides to continue communication, it is not necessary to compare the course of this relationship with those that were before the presence of children. There, two free people could get married in a week, roll off on a journey, abandoning everything, surrender to emotions. Now comes a greater understanding of responsibility, attention does not go to how she dances, but he plays maracas, but whether you can rely on a person, how he acts with others, than he lives. Now, in order to run to the registry office, it’s not enough to win the heart of a woman; now a man needs to make friends with her child. The process of gaining trust in a child who has lost a father can be long and difficult. A man who respects himself and his companion will not marry earlier than establish a good relationship with the child of the woman he loves. As a young girl for marriage is blessed by her parents, so a mother should bless her children for marriage with a man.

But the reason for the man’s reluctance to marry can be related to the character of the woman herself, who, during her independent life, has learned to solve many problems, has become tougher and more calculating, relies on herself and does not trust the world. Of course, these qualities helped her to survive, but the man wants to be a getter, wants to listen to his opinion and need his help. When he is given orders from the section "buy milk, while I kill this shelf," the man becomes emotionally in a childlike position and feels sons and feelings for the woman, and does not marry the mothers.

Therefore, before deciding to explain everything in a simplified way, where the lack of desire to marry is determined by the child, a woman should think about her influence on such an attitude. Someone will be helped from the outside by a friend’s friend, someone will be prompted by a man himself, someone will delve into the forums or go for a consultation with a psychologist. In order to be together, efforts must be made to both, and not to hide behind a child.