Psychology and Psychiatry

Unrequited love

Unrequited love is a form of deep affection and sympathy, accompanied by emotional and physical attraction to a person without mutual response at the same level of depth or intensity of the feelings experienced. Unrequited love for the girl contributed to many achievements and accomplishments of exploits, since the unrealized feeling requires an exit and manifestation, stimulates creative activity, as a mechanism of sublimation. It is unrequited love that is a private motive of the works, this is justified by the fact that, under favorable circumstances, a person enjoys a partner and a relationship, he has no time for creativity.

Despite the romanticization of the noble feeling and the ascension of unrequited love to the level of the purest and most sincere, it is often the cause of the development of severe depressions accompanied by somatic disorders, and also leads to a suicide or latent manifestation of the desire for tanatos in the form of life-destroying habits (alcoholism, unjustifiably risky behavior, defiant behavior, sleep and nutrition deprivation).

The causes of unrequited love are different and can include both manipulation by the object of adoration and the maintenance of false hope, and the unwillingness of a person to see the true picture of the discrepancy between his personality and his chosen one.

Unrequited love is most often a teenage companion when hormones play, maximalism rolls over, feeling first and it seems that this second half is for life. At the same time, there is still no clear understanding of oneself, ideas about a partner and desires in living together and matching each other (how many people are in love with stars and teachers, boys from other cities and girls, objectively from a different reality). But no matter what is behind the factors contributing to the development of this feeling, there is a need to resolve negative emotions and work through those moments related to impossible relationships that cause suffering.

Unrequited love - what to do?

The feeling of love inspires and gives a new perception of the world, a more subtle feeling and the ability to notice the details. With mutual attraction, such specific changes give even more joy, a state of euphoria, literally getting energy from the air. But the situation is reversed when it turns out that the feelings of emotional attraction are not reciprocal. Then the appeared sensitivity makes a person more vulnerable, the desire for implementation stumbles upon a wall of uselessness, self-esteem suffers and the whole world takes on gloomy tones. And this is a normal reaction to the shattered hopes, unjustified expectations.

But before falling into a pessimistic mood, claiming that you have an unrequited love for a guy, based on the fact that you have already winked three times, and he did not come to you with a ring, turn on rationality - are your feelings really unresponsive. Naturally, if he shows all sorts of attention to the other, gently embraces in front of everyone, then you are right. Men usually hide their feelings, so that there are situations when, after the first step taken by the girl, it turned out that he had been sympathetic to her for a long time. If you don’t have enough courage for direct recognition, then find out his attitude towards you and other girls with the help of friends or a suggestive conversation with the guy himself. It is better to first ascertain the hopelessness of your novel than to put an end to the possibility of reciprocity in advance. The same applies to the guys, because the girls are all waiting for the first step from the man and may not give the appearance that you are cute to her, or not even think about your role as a satellite, because you did not give a reason for such reasoning. If you are not told about reciprocity directly and transparently, then you can safely proceed to the choice of variations on the theme "what to do with not reciprocity".

Unrequited love for the girl can turn on the excitement in the guys and with a feeling of energy and unwillingness to give up, you can achieve it, despite the initial failure. Match the behavior with the principles and their capabilities, consider whether you will not regret it (for example, seeking a married woman, whether you can trust after she leaves the family to you).

An unrequited love for a guy can also include a hunting instinct in a girl, but there should be a difference in achieving the goal. The girl who decided to seek a guy should do it unobtrusively, gently, in a feminine way, giving the guy opportunities for initiative and demonstration of her strength, because with obvious persistence the effect will be the opposite, and instead of winning sympathy you will get avoiding and tearing all contacts with you. person

If you still do not agree to fully recognize the futility of a joint future, then you can choose waiting. But not the waiting where you sit by the window with a sad look, but where you continue to make friends, communicate with the object of your feelings, without pushing it, but even developing your life. It is necessary to wait actively, agreeing to all the events, even if it is not the beloved who is calling, participating in all sorts of events and trips, doing his own appearance and image. Your task is to fill your life with the maximum amount of happiness that does not depend on the presence of the necessary person. From this behavior, there are usually two ways of development, and both are positive - either something inside your adored person will switch and he will see you and fall in love, or you will be so carried away by the new life (and new people) that you will simply not feel emotional agony about of failed love (when you have the protection of scientific work, river rafting, three parties and participation in the presentation of a new exhibition, and a new acquaintance dedicated a song to you and invited you to the country, it becomes rather hard for an indifferent person to suffer).

Crisis situations of rejection are a very good impetus to self-knowledge and self-improvement. Look at your life - if everything revolves around an object of passion, if life without it is unthinkable and you are ready to do anything, as long as you are promised that you will be together, then this is not love. Dependence, the desire to get the unattainable, the desire to prove a way to get away from the real problems of your life, in a word anything, just not love. Turn around to what makes you stay in this story and start exploring your world. It will help literature about a place in life, as well as about relationships with people, trainings aimed at awareness of their needs, values ​​and ability to interact, communication with close friends who know you well, people who have been in a situation similar to yours.

Unrequited love, what to do? You should not close from the world, if you get acquainted with you, then do not hinder this. No one forces you to find a replacement and to meet even if anyone, but new people will help to transfer negative emotions, expand your views, give support and a sense of relevance and necessity that is so necessary after rejection. Self-arrange isolation and sit, considering a photo of unrequited love, a direct path to a dead end of depression.

How to get rid of unrequited love?

The feeling of unresponsibility is hard enough, so people are looking for ways on how to forget unrequited love. The trap of desire to quickly forget that the more he tries to force him out of his head, the more he sits there and more often reminds himself. Trying to shut yourself off and force out the feeling, you condemn yourself that all the surrounding space will remind you of your experiences. On TV, all the films will be about your story, people in transport will be wearing the same shirt, and friends will be called only to the places associated with the object of love.

It is possible to free oneself from the power of unrequited feelings, and the first step will be their recognition and acceptance. You can realize this alone, write on paper or by sharing with reliable people, but the first step is to recognize the existence of such feelings. The next step is to accept the facts that did not develop this relationship (if you don’t objectively find understanding, then rejoice that nothing happened, and if your real shortcomings are the reason, then think about eradication).

The senses have a tendency to pass and no pain lasts forever unless artificially prolonged. To get rid of unrequited attachment more quickly it makes sense to move away from the object, because many attachments are strong due to the large amount of time spent together. No need to shy away from a person and bypass him, not fundamentally greeting that will go beyond the limits of adequacy. Your task is to minimize contacts, if you work together, then choose another company for snacks and smoke breaks, but communicate on business issues, and if you are neighbors, then stop running for a screwdriver or salt to this apartment, buy your own. Stop doing masochism tearing emotional wound when you monitor your lover's page in social networks, tracking all changes and likes, switch to your life. Remoteness will inevitably pull over a change in your social structure and social circle, because the place and time will be released. You can fill in the gaps with your own activities, for which you did not have enough time before or with new acquaintances that satisfy your interests and needs at the moment.

Secure yourself a permanent job to avoid the temptation to design in your head various options for your joint impossible future. Finish the project, clean the apartment, make a rearrangement, rehash the old dresses, study your development, your appearance, sign up for courses.

How to forget unrequited love in one day nobody knows, this process will take time and patience. Sometimes feelings will come back with a new force, memories will fly into a life already settled down by a hurricane, and such relapses are considered the norm. Each time, periods of calm will become longer, and the number of tears will decrease, and the time will come when you think about your failed love only after someone's question and inside you do not falter, yes it was, yes passed. Most likely, as time passes, you will be able to adequately and without embellishment to consider a person and understand that he does not suit you. Love, which veils the eyes and increases in the absence of reciprocity, usually embellishes a person, draws his desired qualities and badly correlates with reality.

Do not arrange provocations in the form of meetings, in order to check whether feelings have passed or something remains. Treat this condition as with any addiction (after all, in fact, a painful enthusiasm for a person who is indifferent to you is an emotional addiction). Trying to communicate, stay alone, call up at night is at the same risk level as inviting a coded alcoholic to a bar. There is a chance that he will drink only milk, of course, but why conduct such experiments?

Give way to your feelings - pain, sadness, anger, chagrin. The faster these emotions burn out, the sooner you will free yourself from hard experiences. Beware of the rapid emergence of new relationships, it is likely that a new person will transfer feelings that are not addressed to him, or he will simply be a stopper for a hole formed in the chest. Spend time with people, flirt, establish light relationships, but start building something serious when the pain inside has subsided, when the rendezvous happens gradually and with those whom you notice and accept you.

How to survive unrequited love - the advice of psychologists

If you do not cope well on your own, then psychologists can tell you how to survive unrequited love. It’s better, of course, to choose a personal therapy, then you don’t have to experiment on your own soul with all the tips from articles and forums, but as a variant of ideas that can push you to think and search for a way out, textual elaboration may well be appropriate.

The chances of living unrequited love are reduced with the experience gained. Going through the stages of initiation, disappointment of youthful unrequited love, a person learns to hear and understand his own desires, to find ways to realize them, when you know what you want. Who are you yourself and who is opposite to you, it becomes clear what is possible between such people at once, and what can be achieved (the methods of achievement also become clear). Therefore, a request for how to survive unrequited love rarely sounds in maturity, but there are exceptions. Usually such cases are related to the trauma obtained earlier and the unrecognizable unwillingness to build viable relationships, i.e. man, as it were, deliberately but subconsciously chooses the one with whom reciprocity is impossible. The trauma (abandonment, betrayal, loneliness, violence - the cases are individual) is guiding this behavior and the person himself is unlikely to be able to get out of this situation. And there are people who carry the irresponsibility through the years, not paying attention to the real options to be happy, staying true to that single unattainable image.

Each problem has factors contributing to its development and secondary psychological benefits. From the moments that provide a tendency to unrequited feelings, we can highlight the inability of a person to move from one stage of relations to another, which is the cause of getting stuck, and then roll back instead of development. Accompanied by the irresponsibility of uncertainty, low self-esteem and fear of the real world, its unpredictability and variability. Children who do not see examples of trusting long-term and loving relationships in the parental family subconsciously repeat the model learned from childhood, and choose from all people who are not able to give them full-fledged relationships. And just like adolescents, people with infantile organization of the personality, lack of understanding of their own inner life, orientation to society, have difficulty in choosing the object of attachment, or rather the failure of the orientation guidelines for the installation of quality relationships.

From such a passive position, a person can receive mediated psychological benefits that justify suffering. For example, with a non-reciprocal love partner can be completely idealized and do not have to interact with him real (the one who wears dirty socks, sniffs and incorrectly places accents). Loving the ideal, even distant and imagined, is much simpler than a real person in the immediate vicinity. And so you can not notice their own shortcomings, which usually acquire volume in the interaction with people. And still unrequited love gives the illusion of fullness and emotionally rich life, although in reality everything happens only in the head of a lover.

Survive this feeling will help change the angle of perception from a sense of torment and the end of life to finding a resource in what is happening. In addition to the fact that love makes you change for the better, non-reciprocal love also directs a person to a deep knowledge of himself and better changes. This is a chance to open up to the world, to get a new power to overcome difficulties. Trying to live a full life and more contact with reality, without renouncing and not denying the presence of feelings for some person, significantly expands your capabilities as a person.

Psychological advice on how to survive unrequited love, aim to take up their lives. Love gives strength, even unhappy motivates people to work. You can start by conducting an audit and throwing away all that is unnecessary and unpleasant (from paper wrappers in a bag to self-obsolete interests). Begin to put in order areas of life that are not related to love. You can start at the physical level and equip your housing, change the image - make external manifestations consonant with your inner world. You can start from leisure time by signing up for courses of interest and reviewing the program of events. Look for something that will ignite and delight you, avoid grabbing at first.

How to forget unrequited love? You will need to tackle your emotional sphere. If you have already felt that everything is not so simple in the causes of your dependence on an indifferent person, then you can contact a specialist. And if the case is only in the affected self-esteem, then arrange rehabilitation measures for its restoration. As quickly as possible, work on appearance and communication with people, visiting new places, possibly charity events (usually there is so much support and gratitude to those who take part) will cope here.

Обеспечьте себе постоянный приток новых эмоций и впечатлений, позитивных и не связанных с объектом чувств, но избегайте алкоголя и наркотических веществ - откат после временного улучшения может толкнуть вас в депрессию. Займитесь спортом, ведь при физической нагрузке наше тело легче перерабатывает негативные эмоции и вырабатывает эндорфины, отвечающие за уровень счастья. Вообще уделите лишнее внимание заботе о здоровье. Good sleep, fresh air and a balanced diet will help your experiences much more than a cake, and midnight conversations under a bottle of wine.