Psychology and Psychiatry

How to survive the death of a loved one

How to survive the death of a loved one? This worries everyone who has experienced heavy feelings of loss. When mourning begins at the very loss and does not last long, it does not drag out too much - it is natural, as if, if a piece of the body was cut off from us. However, if grieving is long-term, lasts for months, for years, strongly - it happens under the influence of negative programs of the psyche, which are fed by negative emotions. The loss of a loved one gives rise to a whole range of oppressive emotions, experiences that rise from the bottom of the unconscious, often again and again direct thinking at the time of loss, hurt and develop into neurotic states.

How to survive the death of a loved one - the advice of a psychologist

Grief, when visiting a person, gives a strange, often very individual reaction. What does psychology say about this, how to survive the death of a loved one? Virtually all people go through all the stages of mourning. Strong, strong-willed people with the habit of controlling everything, often occupied by high positions, will first clearly concentrate, do all the necessary things, give orders, and then fall into a stupor. Persons with strong somatization, on the contrary, may not even find the strength to move, they will feel completely crushed, absent, as if this is not happening to them. Frequent reaction is not to believe, not even imagine how to survive the death of a close, dear person.

For unbelief, which replaced the grief, should search for those responsible for death, thoughts that should be done in order to avoid it. Psychologists say that those who practically do not blame themselves blame themselves more. Then comes the stage of relaxation and rejection. Then a year passes, and again quickly shock, disbelief, the search for the guilty, guilt for himself, numbness, and then the worries pass. Normally, in a couple of years, the feeling of grief should leave the person.

How is it easier to survive the death of a loved one, leaving only a bright memory of him? Having recovered from the first shock of loss, you will begin to remember the good things that left behind him leaves, how many good deeds he did, what funny cases were. Such a bright memory makes it possible to talk to us about those who left at the present moment.

By burying a loved one, we go through large stages of our internal difficulties. The correct reaction is very important. Trying to hold back feelings or take sedatives is not worth it - they only break the natural course of the mourning process, for which relief will eventually come. To cry, if you want, you can, you need, even to express your complaints, accusations to the departed, how could he leave. It is easier to do for women, while men often hold back emotions, because the loss is more difficult for them to live, they are longer in severe depression.

How to survive the death of a close, dear person, if it seems that there is no strength for this? If your feelings are extremely painful, it seems that you are unable to cope with them, a long time has passed - you just have to get rid of destructive experiences, because in this way you do badly not only for yourself, but also for the memory of the deceased person. Think that a departed loved one wanted you not to worry and cry, but rejoiced, remembering your best moments. Do it for him, consider the good things in life, enjoy his memory. The worst thing you choose to do is worry and aggravate yourself. You should work on your experiences, defeating personal negative programs, learn to be happy, accepting death as a natural, natural phenomenon.

When you are in difficult long-term experiences, you cannot stop their flow - perhaps you should go to a psychotherapist specializing in living injuries, working with states of grief. Sami or with help, but you need to let go of the past, to remember him only with a positive side, with a bright memory and light emotions.

How is it easier to survive the death of a loved one? Remember his light, continue his work. What our loved ones created - they made us happier. And those parents who, having burned off the baby, give birth to the next, are doing the right thing. Children who live a month or two with their mother, if their father died, support them correctly, or support their father, if their mother died, help, keeping their lifestyles for a while, but then continue to live their full lives, pushing her and the remaining parent.

How to help survive the death of a loved one?

If a friend or colleague lives this trauma now, you will surely come across his aggressive or absent reaction. Now he is not the one that always, does not want to spend time with you, fulfill the duties of work, the state of insanity can last half a year. Now he needs a pause, a certain distance, in order to be with him - then take a step back, give him that opportunity. Indicate that you are ready to come to the rescue, but you will not tolerate his aggression. The death of close relatives does not justify the boorish behavior of people with a loss.

When your friend is not himself, he cannot cope with the situation - do not try to help him alone, sitting at night on the phone. The best help would be if you find for him a specialist who can return to the society. No need to reassure him - let him grieve. If a person cries out everything in the initial part of his mourning - he will shorten the entire period of getting out of a stressful situation.

Here the adage is true - I cannot help with words. When a loss visits a person - the main thing is to remember that no one is to blame. Man begins to often analyze, why the disaster occurred, the tragedy broke into life.

The main task for you, if you are close to a person living in a grief, is to enable him to live his loss and, if necessary, be close to support him. Of course, to the loss of a close relative, each reacts differently. It often seems that the reaction is inadequate. However, this is a normal reaction to abnormal circumstances. And the task of being close by is to support, help pass the grief, learn to live without the departed.

Often in such situations, people are lost, not knowing how to behave correctly, so as not to make things worse, not to say too much. This is your own fear of error, because it is easier for adults who themselves have already experienced the loss to help with the loss. It is worth saying simple words that you condole. This is necessary for the grieving, because condolences - it means that I am ill, relive your pain, like you yourself. Grieving then feels that he is not left alone in a difficult situation.

Is it important to talk feelings or try to distract a person, switch him to a practical course? Here we are dealing with feelings, with the inner reality of man. If the conversation helps - it is worth talking. If silence - silent. If you just sit down next to you, showing your sympathy, the person often starts talking by himself, pouring out his pain. It can even often come to tears that should not be attempted to stop, because with the help of them a person gets relief.

How does a child survive the death of a loved one?

Death goes hand in hand with life, fathers die, incomplete families remain, mothers die of illness, and then fathers are forced to raise a child themselves. How to tell a child about death that he will not see dad anymore, mom, grandmother, grandfather, brother or sister? It is especially difficult to find what to say to a child if a father or mother died, what words, with the help of whom? Most often, close people cheat children, saying that dad, for example, will leave and will not come soon. The child is waiting, can wait for years. Then there is guilt, it seems to him - he himself did something wrong, because dad does not come. He continues to hope to make some plans. Then hope is lost, there is anger at the deceiver. Most often it is the remaining parent. This leaves trust.

It is advisable to tell the truth, the truth in the context of the family, in which the grief happened. If the idea that the soul is in heaven is acceptable to adults, it sees you, helps you and accompanies you now - we tell the child about it. But if an adult has the feeling that the one who has left does not return, he will never embrace - so it is worth saying so softly to the child.

To report a death without traumatizing the child’s psyche, psychologists suggest such steps. The first is to share the emotional experiences of the child, saying that you clearly understand how the child dreams that his father, for example, would come to the kindergarten, play, help, and then explain to the child, childishly, where the father is, what happened . A frequent explanation is to say that papa is now in heaven, cares, observes, is near. And also to show photos of your father at different ages, where you are together, to talk with photos of dad. You can start talking about your day, where you were, what you did with your child. You will allow the child to form a positive image of the father, which will help him further in life.

In society, it is now indecent to cry. Adults, children hide tears in themselves, then we see a number of diseases: enuresis, antritis, bronchitis, asthma, neurosis, psychosis. It turns out that for the first time the child is confronted with his very vivid experiences, does not find an explanation for them, does not find support. Adults tend to push feelings, because they are often not ready now to meet with the experiences of the child. An adult is often afraid for a personal reaction that will not cope with the experiences, will not be able to assist the child.

Recall how our grandmothers in the old custom used to say "what a sad, cry." And indeed, the grandmother on the shoulder of the child immediately cry out a huge part of the pain, it becomes easier for him, because the tears clear. The body is released from the clips, an understanding of what is happening, humility, that never will be as before. This is a certain period of ripening, the road to maturity.

When does an understanding appear that is death? Approximately in the range from five to seven years. Up to five years, the child does not yet understand that the disappearance of a loved one from life can be forever care. The need is to immediately return, insist that this person is near, the child does not arise - there are so many things around that distract the child’s attention. Up to five, this period passes without a heavy feeling of loss.

At the age of about three years, the child experiences a loss, and when a significant adult disappears from his life - he experiences a loss as a loss of stability in life. It is traumatic for him, but he cannot yet realize that a loved one has died. Therefore, up to one and a half years or so, psychologists insist not to try to explain to the child what happened, it is enough to give a sense of stability due to another adult. Even if the baby asks, the parent is calling - explain that he is far away. Sympathize the loss of the child can not yet.

By the age of five, the child begins to realize the loss of a loved one as his departure. However, it is very difficult to understand that this care is forever. The sense of stability is lost, it is clear that adults are nervous, often crying, experiencing - the child adapts to this feeling of adults involuntarily. A common mistake that adults make when trying to save a child is referring to relatives or hiring a nanny who is leaving with him, which cannot be done, since the anxiety that a child naturally experiences while you are near should be calmed by you. If a child leaves for another place, he remains in the dark about what is happening - afterwards this anxiety can often turn into a fear of losing a loved one. With a child, there certainly should be a close relative near him at such a moment, which one will support him, in case of questions, he can simply explain what happened.

From the age of six, the child already fully understands the existence of death, that the care of a loved one is forever. Here the fear of death may arise, the fear of losing someone else’s loved one. It is important then to show attention, to give the child a symbolic image of the past — for example, to make a memorable beautiful album together.