Partnership labor is when, during the birth process, in addition to the medical staff or other specially trained people, people close to her help the woman in childbirth. The most common option - is to give birth with her husband, but the partner childbirth does not mean only his presence. This could be anyone whom the woman in labor wants to see next to her - a friend, mother, relative, psychologist, spiritual mentor, and even a fitness trainer or seller from the nearest stall, it is important to realize responsibility, the need for necessary training (at least informational) and to take part in this voluntary participation, after all, not for a walk out.
There are those who immediately choose partner childbirth, increasingly popularizing this tendency, and there are those who consider this trend to be meaningless and even harmful, continuing to adhere to the conservative model of carrying the child to the father on discharge. In this case, a woman’s unwillingness is due to the fear of losing attractiveness, or the unwillingness to be distracted in the process (as many begin to calm an agitated man, the meaning of whose presence was reduced to the opposite). The man’s reluctance is most often driven by the fear of remaining helpless and useless in a situation critical for his wife. If such conclusions are strong, then it is better to abandon this joint idea, and if there are doubts, then it is worth expanding your knowledge to make a final decision.
The role of the assistant is to support and accompany the entire generic process, from the first contractions to discharge, while the participation is active, not observation from the side, as it may seem to many initially.
Partner deliveries with her husband often look exactly like third-party observation, which is fundamentally wrong with respect and may even complicate the process when, instead of helping in psychological condition, reducing pain, resolving formal conventions in a hospital, a man puts all his strength to overcome his own shock. In such a situation, a woman is distracted by his emotional state and is engaged in the psycho-rehabilitation of an unprepared spouse, who simply agreed without thinking, instead of concentrating on labor activity. This happens when the spouses do not discuss the process and needs of the event, believing that it is this person who knows and understands everything, as well as you, while the action plan and the required help will be explained to the girlfriend or mentor. Find out the maximum information about the whole procedure and your own attitude to the points previously unknown (the actual generic process is not at all as beautiful as the screen) - this is the first thing to worry about, and not how you will post news with the hashtag “gave birth”.
If there is a fear of blood, crying, fear for the health of his wife, then it is better to wait elsewhere, because obstetricians are already tired of pumping out fainting dads, and will have a negative effect on childbirth. Consider the option of partial presence, for example, during labor and when the baby is brought to the parents, having missed the most emotional stage. You can also complete training seminars on joint childbirth and a course for young parents in order to dispel their uncertainty with knowledge or finally make sure that it is not necessary to attend.
Responsibility for this decision is the same, that it is on a man, that on a woman - to assess readiness (his and partner's), sincerity of desire (this is necessary for your couple or all acquaintances gave birth together, therefore you need) and necessary investments (temporary, energetic, nervous ). It is necessary to come to terms with the fact that even with a completely pronounced algorithm, all the courses attended, mutual desire and other positive aspects, no one can predict human behavior in an extreme situation, which is a partner birth for both partners. So, a reserve of patience and acceptance can be developed on personal psychotherapy, if there is no certainty that you can endure any manifestations of a familiar and dear person.
Affiliate childbirth with her husband does not help in resolving the existing problems in the relationship, just as the child does not help hold the collapsing union together - this will distract for a while, because it will knock him out, but then the problems will return with a new force. Let your choices be driven by love and desire for spiritual closeness and development.
Partnership giving birth - what your husband needs to know
After the decision is made, it is necessary to find out what is needed for partner deliveries in the maternity ward itself, where a detailed list will be issued, including a robe and slippers for the partner, permission or a verbal agreement about being in the delivery room, you may need to pass certain tests and so on. Each medical institution has its own system and rules, they are certainly similar, but the nuances, details and differences should be clarified in advance, and not when the contractions began.
Preparation for childbirth is the most important step for both, since it is difficult physically (deliveries can take several days) and a psychological process. If possible, you should go through all prenatal training courses that are only available in your city, and fill in the missing information from online training or specialized literature. The success of the care given to the parturient and the mental stability of the husband depends on the level of preparedness and awareness, which is a more important indicator than the possession of certain skills of a proper massage. Judge for yourself, nurses can stretch their loins, and partner labor is arranged for the sake of support and psychological security, the key to which is the husband’s moral readiness, flexibility and understanding of what is happening and the sequence of actions required.
In addition to their own psychological stability of the accompanying required a number of other knowledge and skills. From the very beginning of contractions, time intervals of their periodicity should be measured (they will shrink closer to the full opening of the uterus) - this information is diagnostic for doctors about how much the uterus has occurred, and at the same time it will be difficult for a woman who at that moment is experiencing painful sensations. Between contractions, you should follow the woman’s relaxation and help her in this - massage (special techniques that you can get acquainted with before birth), physical and psychological support, provision of water and food, finding a comfortable place and other things that help to relax and unwind should be taken into account and provided by her husband. There are special exercises that contribute to the harmonious flow of labor activity, they must be learned in advance and performed during the quiet periods between contractions, and during contractions it will be necessary to monitor proper breathing, helping to keep up with the rhythm and being a guide for it. Also, the husband watches the hourly urination, as the woman herself may not feel the urge to go to the toilet, and the empty bladder relieves physical discomfort.
The husband accompanies the woman to the hospital, helps her get together and collects everything she needs for partner childbirth. Further, in the hospital it is necessary to follow the recommendations and fulfill all the requests of the doctors. You can still help a woman with the support of proper breathing, help to get into a comfortable position, hold hands, wipe sweat — simple principles of care, which need to be reminded separately, since men often get scared of childbirth more than women and do not perceive what is happening around. Focus on the actions taken on the woman and her needs, and do not mindlessly follow the advice, because it may turn out that any of your manifestations of activity knock her off and distract from concentration, then your task is to be near and not to shine, but at the right moment to be picked up diaper, help to go to the toilet, discuss the flow with doctors, run to the pharmacy. These actions are invaluable help, even if you do not use the baggage of knowledge you received on the generic topic. Indeed, in the right state, a woman gives birth very organically herself, for this she needs secured security and confidence that all the issues that arise at the moment will be solved, they will take care of her.
The surest behavior policy for a husband is obedience and support. To argue and interfere with the medical staff and the woman in labor is strictly prohibited. Doctors know the specifics of the process a priori better, and the woman feels better that she needs now, and if it is an orange, then drag an orange, and do not force it to breathe properly. Reproaches and accusations can come down on you, reasonable and not, treat this as a delirium in a fever, remaining calm and supportive, because in this situation you are the only lightning rod of the emotional storm that has overwhelmed the female body. Agree in advance that a woman can ask you to leave, and follow this religiously at any time, because in the last stage of the child’s direct passage of the birth canal, a woman may be distracted, ashamed, afraid.
When taking care of a woman in labor, do not forget to take care of yourself - in the breaks of calm between contractions you can drink something hot, have a snack, relax your body yourself, sit down and warm up. Some give birth rapidly, and some for quite a long time, and energy is consumed very quickly.
After the child leaves the mother's body, your activity does not end. Usually, the father goes along with the doctors to a separate room, where the baby is treated and then the dad is handed over the convolutions, sending both to the woman and then transferring everyone to the general ward. In many maternity homes, the father is given to cut the umbilical cord, but all such aspects should be discussed in advance, suddenly you will faint from such an action. And then comes the postpartum process, where you both have the opportunity to relax. Not much, until the baby started crying, demanding food or changing the diaper.
How do partner births occur?
Artificial separation of the father from the birth process begins to fade, and partner labor is gaining popularity, as the need for participation in the miracle of birth, which was inaccessible for many years, and is now successfully practiced in all maternity wards. In fact, in all traditions and among all peoples, the woman in labor did not remain alone or surrounded by strangers in this process; there were always midwives who accompanied a woman from the moment of conception, the senior member of the clan, the chief shaman of the tribe and other people, acquaintances and relatives for women who have made childbirth calmer and more harmonious. Many began to give birth at home in familiar and cozy conditions, because hospital walls and bathrobes add stress and are associated with something bad, diseases and problems, and not the miracle of the birth of a new life.
Partnership births begin with planning along with my wife and a specialist with an approximate indicative plan of flow, which makes it possible to imagine the process itself and orient itself in emergency situations (prolonged labor, the need for artificial stimulation or cesarean section, etc.). To get an idea of how childbirth occurs in general and joint in particular, you can watch educational and scientific films. It is always better to look at the situation from the outside, and only then begin to take part at least in a theoretically familiar action. Also, in addition to the birth process itself, it will be possible to see a newborn baby, which is very different from rosy cheek tops from advertisements (this is wrinkled red skin covered with films, blood and secretions, swollen eyes and inability to smile). Such knowledge will remove the father from fear and questioning staff on the topic of newborn health.
Affiliate labor begins at home at the first bouts, when there is only husband and wife. Many couples go through this stage together, because circumstances are like this, but if you planned to give birth together, then from the first contractions the man directly participates in the birth, since he was theoretically prepared and worked out some practical skills to relieve pain and emotional stress.
Upon arrival at the hospital, the medical staff must be informed in advance that you are giving birth together, with all the necessary things. Your wife will be prepared for childbirth, you need to observe all measures for your own preparation (usually it is the sterilization of the skin and putting on medical clothes). There is a period when you are in the hospital, but the medical staff does not hover around the woman giving birth, since the disclosure has not yet begun, and then only her husband is near her, providing comfort and support, and in case of difficulties, calls the doctors.
In the delivery room itself, the spouse is usually located at the head of the woman in labor, can hold her hand, help breathe and soothe or encourage, depending on the situation. After a successful birth, the father is given the opportunity to cut the umbilical cord and go to a separate place for the baby to be examined and processed; at this time, the woman gives birth to an afterbirth, if necessary, stitches are applied. After all the activities carried out, the child is handed over to the father (they can undress the father and attach the baby to the chest, or they can give the swaddled and sent to the mother), after which everyone is sent to the ward.
This is an option of successful partner childbirth. Naturally, if something starts to go wrong (cesarean, entanglement with umbilical cord, resuscitation procedures, etc.), the husband is asked to leave the room, because in case of possible surgical intervention, being near it can prevent physicians from assisting the woman in labor or provoking an unpredictable course of events.
Thus, there is no significant difference between single and partner genera, the natural mechanisms continue to work in the same way, which is completely alone in the stadium field. The only partnerships are not allowed if there are previously known indications for natural childbirth.
Partnership giving birth - men reviews
Knowing the theoretical information, reviewing all the YouTube training videos, the films of scientific laboratories and passing various courses, the man turns out to be armed with information. The cold, bare facts presented by doctors and researchers, and the emotional side and lively perception of the process can be given by sincere feedback from those who have already attended this sacred event.
Listening to the stories of fathers who gave birth together or reading the forums with their memories, you will be able to see how varied are the reactions of men to the same things and how varied are the births of each woman. Exactly how it will be, as in describing the process of driving a new Nissan model, no one will give you, but you will know the approximate message and facts that are insignificant for medical professionals.
Men share their first emotions about how things are arranged in maternity homes, and are shocked that they can leave a woman in the corridor because of the ward’s occupancy, suggest every hour to urinate in the duck (the toilet is one for the department) and not pay the intended on the part of a man of attention ("she gives birth, and they pass by!"), since there are five such people giving birth. Men who do not know the clan physiology, get scared and experience the fact of mucus, fluid, blood and characterize this event as fastidious. Here everyone is judged by himself where your measure of disgust is: yes, you have to hold the duck, change the diaper, wipe the mucus or blood flowing down your legs.
The level of stress and physical activity experienced and tested in extreme conditions by men (parachutists, military, rescuers) is assessed as being similar or exceeding their working conditions: “Childbirth is not a quick process, all this time you are without food, sleep, most of legs, running back and forth for the necessary, dragging on her own woman, who already has no strength to rise after two hours of labor, while the level of tension rises every hour, the nerves pass from her, from you, the doctor on duty, and she can scream and cry, then you are like a man must hold on, otherwise everything will fall apart completely. "
From the assessment of their mental state and the state of a woman, most men note that the wife was in some kind of altered state of consciousness, some called it trance, some insanity, some included the subconscious - everything depended on the level of development and readiness of the man himself and his perception of the woman. Some admire the strength and courage of their woman, others say that a demon has awakened in her, or that she began to behave like a little helpless child. Without exception, all noted that the behavior of the woman and her reactions were different from the usual to them earlier, and in which direction, apparently depends on the particular mental organization of a particular woman.
Одни признаются в том, что пожалели о своем присутствии на родах, говоря, как это не эстетично, ужасно непривлекательно и поменяло их отношение к супруге ("я точно теперь и не знаю когда захочу заниматься интимом, видя все это"). Другие боготворят женщин и хотят еще раз повторить этот опыт ("это как присутствовать при создании вселенной или познакомиться с богом - страшно и захватывающе", "она не была более красивой, чем когда рожала, этот образ останется в моей памяти").
Reviews and perceptions of childbirth are affected by the motivation of the presence on them, the emotional stability of the spouse, his personal maturity and informational readiness, and only secondarily the process itself, its features and reactions of the woman.
Partnership births for and against - the opinion of psychologists
The trend is new, popular, affecting all aspects of existence (from the materialistic “how to arrange it”, to the spiritual “how it will affect relatives who are stuck in the wheel of sansara”) and all social strata (intelligentsia, country boys and glamorous girls) - disputes and opinions, respectively great amount. People are trying to attribute partner births to absolute good or absolute evil, igniting scandals with foaming at the mouth or silently continuing to do what they have chosen. Everyone can make an unambiguous decision only independently, taking into account his own life history, the possibilities of the situation and psyche. But, there are certain positive and negative points, as with any serious process.
Of the arguments for, of course, the psychological comfort of the woman herself. Many are afraid to give birth, some do not trust doctors, it is important for someone not to be among strangers or to be able to immerse themselves in the process so as not to contact the medical staff. With such a buffer protection from her husband, his presence will help a woman to give birth and cope with panic, naturally, despite the fact that her husband is ready for this and she does not have to pump out and pull a man out of panic. In addition to the woman’s calm, the presence of the husband miraculously changes the attitude of the medical staff - they become more attentive and less rude, correctness and politeness begin to manifest to the extent they are needed, and no one allows themselves to scream at the woman, accelerating labor activity .
There is a difference in the manifestation and speed of establishing attachment and paternal feelings, so for those who have given birth together, love for the child manifests itself immediately, without the process of getting used to the fact that there are three of you now. A man, on a par with a woman, nurses with a baby, devotes more time to care, plays more, and the relationship further develops closer. In addition to relationships with the child, the relationship between the spouses is changing, the interaction is being moved to a higher level, and the feeling of the other and affection become deeper, more manifestations of tenderness and care, anxiety and the ability to notice not only the physical embodiment and character, but also the spiritual component of the partner .
Of the reasons given against, in the first place is the helplessness of a man in front of a situation that they cannot control and the feeling of guilt in front of their woman joining against this background. Few people can remain calm, watching how their beloved woman hurts for a long time, and not be able to somehow stop it. Does not add optimism and a woman who can break on her husband mainly because of their own exhaustion and pain, but offensive words will be remembered if a man is not ready for the inappropriate behavior of his wife.
Those who consider the birth of a secret and sacred act do not allow men, and some simply believe that they do not need to know so many details of anatomy and physiology, which is mainly due to the woman’s complexes or the already existing distrust in the family. In some cases, such isolation of a man from the process of childbirth is fully justified, since the facts of the loss of intimate interest in his wife or women in general are not isolated, but if you thoroughly study the problem, it turns out that the reason is not in the presence of childbirth, but they became just a catalyst .
If we draw a conclusion, then where there is agreement, acceptance and understanding between people, partner labor gives an impetus to new development and strengthening, and where there are omissions, cracks, and cold, they lead to the end of a relationship.
Psychologists do not allow partner childbirth if there are problems in the relationship, with high sensitivity or infantilism of the husband, if the woman is obsessed with his appearance, and if the motivation of the partner childbirth is manipulation, revenge, and the desire to punish.
Remember that no matter how beautiful the picture of partner families might seem to you, if your partner is against this, you should not convince, persuade and bring endless positive arguments from researchers and stories that have passed through this lucky. The person refuses, with good reasons, it is better to discuss them and accept the choice of your second half. After all, there are many stories, with different impressions and different endings, which one waits for you is unknown, but if you force a person to take part in a birth without desire, then there will be no good, because such an event changes the personality at a deep level and irreversibly, therefore the internal readiness for such changes is necessary condition.