Psychology and Psychiatry

Unconditional love

Unconditional love is one of the significant concepts in the fields of the human soul, feelings and interactions, such as psychology, religion and philosophical concept. The term itself denotes the full and holistic acceptance of a person, which is stable in its manifestation and does not rely on external situations, certain conditions or time intervals. Considering the concept of unconditional love, the emphasis is placed on the fact that it cannot be destroyed, and it exists against all odds, which is why many people seek and suffer precisely in this type of relationship, when they are accepted with flaws, at any time and in any circumstances.

However, such a romantic description usually hides the other side of manifestation, which consists in the fact that such an attitude cannot be achieved or deserved. Good and reliable actions will characterize you positively, participation will be pleasant to others, some gestures can even give rise to feelings of affection and love conditional, but it is impossible to influence the birth of unconditional love or make a person look and so truly love.

Unconditional love for a child is a reference manifestation of such a feeling among people and it is precisely this example that explains the concept, but it must be borne in mind that not all parents are capable of unconditional manifestation of love and acceptance, and some are not capable at all. Due to such a lack of net acceptance in childhood, a person grows up with emotional problems, difficulties may arise in building relationships, or even lead to disorders of the psychiatric spectrum.

What is unconditional love?

The concept of love is attempted to be formulated and measured, limited and framed, describing its manifestations and types, although this deep feeling has different aspects for each and highlighted important features. The only thing you can agree on in the descriptions is that there is conditional love and unconditional (neither of them is worse, purer or more complicated - both are real, just one is accessible to someone, and someone is able to accept the other).

Unconditional love does not require, does not limit, and does not set conditions, is opposed to selfishness. According to various psychological schools, total unconditional love is impossible, because it turns into a merger of two personalities, where one is lost, that the second, and, accordingly, there is no feeling. Healthy upholding your own boundaries requires a person to distance, the ability to refuse, sometimes in a harsh manner, to repel, to declare their own inconvenience in connection with the behavior of another or unpleasant emotions. It turns out that while striving to bring the manifestations of his love to the ideal unconditional stage, a person loses himself, replacing with another, pushing his own interests. This is mental abuse, destroying the personality of not only the omniscient, but also the one they love. For one who can initially experience sincere unconditional love, it can grow into its opposite - self-centeredness and reveling in its tolerance and acceptability, such an inclination to the level of a deity, and it is indulgent towards the love object and that is why it is all forgiving as a lower insensible being. .

How much such manifestations can be considered as love remains a question, but problems with perception adequacy will have to be talked about more and more often. In addition to the one on the pedestal, the object of love also suffers, which initially enjoyed total acceptance, no matter what it did. But a person needs to feel the boundaries of what is permitted, otherwise he falls into obscurity, behind which there is a great feeling of anxiety, loneliness and emptiness, wanting to avoid which provocative acts will deteriorate. And if at first a person got used to being loved, despite insults, then after a while he can reach serious assault, with the sole purpose of finding out where that trait is, which is impossible, where he causes irritation, because being near the holy is intolerable, own spots are very visible and I want to shake such a loving person to the level.

The energy of unconditional love, in its form not distorted by human aspirations, implies only creation and development, and in real life, and not in theoretical concepts, it is manifested by severity and prohibitions and explanations, which behavior is not pleasant. In this case, care takes place, both personalities remain intact and the principle “I accept you, but I like your actions” and further on the situation, instead of destroying “I accept you by anyone and all your actions”.

In religious concepts, unconditional love can only be a higher being, and people can only strive to approach in their manifestations to infinite acceptance. And this is an example, since there is not a single religious text where a deity would never be angry or allow people to do anything with impunity, but love is not canceled.

The energy of unconditional love always exists, despite feeling unwell and unwanted behavior. This is the ability to show love not only when it is convenient for you, you want, there is time and resources, but always. It does not overlap this source and the behavior of someone you love - it can make mistakes, be uncomfortable and annoying, but receive support and love. What is interesting is that those who are supported instead of scolding for the mistake made are more likely to deal with troubles, change their behavior and establish good relations. And those who stumble upon criticism, only persist in their behavior, closes from others, becoming offended, and then angry from the pain, actually from rejection.

Unconditional love of mother to child

Unconditional love for a child on the part of parents is mentioned in all literary sources relating to education, since obtaining confidence that you are loved, protected and accepted in any case, whatever you do, gives an installation on a safe existence from infancy, permission for existence itself in this world. Such a deep and serious feeling is conditioned by the fact that having been born, the whole world of a person represents a mother for him and it is these relationships, their quality, semantic and sensual content, and the conclusions made there make a whole life scenario and strategies for interacting with the world (the unconscious records survival strategies This, of course, is not logical reasoning). If not enough unconditional love has been received, the child of acceptance has not felt, then in the world he feels superfluous, a stranger, obliged to earn the right to life, and without instructions exactly how this can be done.

When using educational models based on conditional love, which manifests itself if the child behaves in a positive way and which is absent if negative, the desired behavior is quickly formed in the behavioral sphere. And in the psycho-emotional sphere, the installation is cemented about the uselessness of the present self, and you can only survive by following the rules. Parallels with survival are not an allegory, because in childhood there are no abilities, means, opportunities to survive without adults, therefore the only strategy is to be convenient and useful for them, then the child will be loved, fed and at least his physical shell will live.

It is very difficult and sometimes impossible to go into an unconditional love relationship, to refuse to manipulate the most important need of the psyche. Parents who bring up their child and fail to give him true acceptance themselves experience an inner hunger that comes from their childhood, where they, too, are underfunded. What can give the hungry to the hungry and how to learn to live differently, when from the cradle in our souls put exactly such manifestations? Trying to pump up the child with care through force leads to hyper-care or to the full moral exhaustion of the parents. It is necessary to begin as in an airplane - first an oxygen mask for yourself, then for a child, otherwise both will die. Own psychotherapy, search for holes and traumas in one’s emotional sphere, working out relationships with parents, relatives, spouse, searching for resources and places for energy overspending, ability to receive and accept love, developing the ability to feel another carefully is part of the diversity that can be encountered during serious to work out your own dislike with unconditional love. The hardest work, looking fear into the eyes, touching old bleeding wounds will ultimately help the parents themselves to fill themselves from the inside (which will improve their well-being and increase their quality of life, give them the opportunity to enjoy themselves more often and add energy) and give their child the necessary nutritional and vital feeling.

When one's own soul is in order, emotions flow calmly and not squeezed into a lump, and the sensation of one’s own stability is literally physically present, there is no need to require the little man to comply with some external standards, takes the side of his accusers because of their own complexes. Knowing that the fulfillment or non-fulfillment of the requirements of public morality does not significantly affect the level of health and happiness, but the feeling of your own needs, which is born out of love and acceptance of yourself, leads to it, you will stop teaching children proper behavior and begin to teach love.