Unhappy love is a myth, an illusion. This phrase is nonsense. Love, when it is true, is a priori only happy, it inspires, gives joyful experiences, positive emotions. Even when the object of love does not reciprocate, it will not be unhappy love either. Strong sorrowful feelings, depressive mood, sadness, longing caused by a lack of reciprocity are called love addiction and have nothing in common with such an exalted and wonderful feeling called love.
Unhappy love of a girl to a guy is like an illness that affects only the soul of young women and has no physical manifestations. Unhappy love of a guy or a girl is the creation of a cult of the object of adoration, its idealization, exaggeration of merits, exaltation of any of his actions.
Causes of unhappy love
Frequent causes of the described psychological dependence is an attempt to overcome one’s own uselessness and the feeling of loneliness through feeling for a partner. Each individual is familiar with the feeling of loneliness, emptiness, faced with a lack of understanding. In these moments, human subjects more than ever want a close loved one, who only with his appearance will solve all the problems, eliminate the nasty feeling of emptiness. Many people are convinced that one appearance in the life of a satellite can eliminate the inner emptiness and fill existence with meaning. This worldview is erroneous and provokes the emergence of a consumer attitude towards the partner that has appeared. A person who is acutely lonely does not want to take care and make a happy companion, he only has a single goal - to fill the inner void. With this attitude it is impossible to build a healthy relationship. The happiness of a person is found exclusively in his own hands.
Relations based only on requirements and expectations are a priori destructive. Constant demands caused by the need to feel love, only with a partner prompted to withdraw, leave, stop such a relationship. A fairly popular reason for putting people in a love affair is the perception of love as a necessary status.
Many individuals, especially those who have previously experienced a difficult love relationship break, are often more comfortable to exist without a couple. However, they are surrounded by a huge number of so-called "well-wishers" who know better how to live correctly, who are convinced that it is better to be in a relationship, even if destructive, than to exist in harmony with one's own person without a life partner. In addition, quite often the previously self-sufficient individual begins to feel uncomfortable without a partner, due to the fact that all the immediate environment suddenly turned out to be in a pair, friends, colleagues and numerous relatives — all found companions. This leads to a discomforting sensation. The individual begins to consider himself a loser, a feeling of loneliness is born, which pushes him to find a partner.
That is why many people spend time setting up everyday life with strangers, instead of enjoying free existence in anticipation of a couple, prepared by fate. Such a forced relationship does not cause the desire to develop them. Entering into a love affair, in order to keep up with the environment, in order to meet the expectations of relatives, because at a certain age all human subjects must lead a joint life with persons of the opposite sex - not the best motive for searching for a satellite. Even if the partner is madly in love, his couple in this relationship will feel unhappy. Since spiritual emptiness can not be filled with "alien" person.
Many people try to build a love relationship according to the model of parental relationships, as a result of which they often change their companions, since they do not correspond to the far-fetched image of a harmonious family.
Often people, apart from their will, find "fellow travelers" with whom it is possible to play roles similar to those of children. Therefore, if there were no examples of adequate healthy relationships between spouses surrounded by a crumb, then in adulthood it will be quite difficult for him to build a normal family relationship. Frequently, a love relationship is repeated according to the once captured scenario, which leads to a kind of “affliction” called unhappy love. When a subject is not familiar with being based on mutual aid, support, understanding, concepts that are diametrically opposed to suffering, indifference, alienation, if you have never felt the intimacy of this relationship, it will be quite difficult for him to build his own love relationships. Such individuals have to go through many unsuccessful attempts, disappointments in order to come to harmony in the co-existence in the future.
Unhappy love of a boy or girl is often the result of fanaticism or sacrifice. In such a relationship, people seek to satisfy their own self-denial or escape from themselves. They see their partner as an idol, which they unconditionally worship.
As long as the individual does not learn how to have a normal communicative interaction with surrounding subjects, respecting his interests, putting him on a par with his own desires, he will not have the hope of establishing a healthy relationship ever again. If the subject is used to living in a series of emotional outbursts, when suffering is replaced by stormy enthusiasm, defeats with bright victories, then the interaction, in which these components are not present, will surrender to him too vapid.
Cultural stereotypes invariably try to impose on modern man that the amount of suffering is proportional to the depth of love. In other words, if an individual, in love, does not feel torment, it means that he is not truly in love. However, this worldview is contrary to psychology. Never suffering, inner disharmony, longing will not lead to the development of long-term, healthy, stable relationships. These emotions are good only to reinforce the passion. However, we must understand that passion does not last forever, unlike love.
Unhappy love of a girl for a guy allows her to use her own obsession with a partner in order to avoid suffering, emptiness, and fear. The girl uses her relationship as a defense against feelings that she would have experienced alone. The more painful the love interaction with a partner, the more it is able to distract the ladies from reality.
How to get rid of unhappy love?
In order to get rid of the aching heart of a feeling of love, first of all, it should be realized that insane, painful love really has nothing in common with such a beautiful and life-affirming feeling. So, if an individual suffers in a relationship, if he “cries” more often than laughs, if his thoughts are constantly occupied only with the object of passion, if a person always neglects his own desires for the sake of his partner, then psychological dependence can be diagnosed, which needs therapy. This leads to the main recommendation on how to survive unhappy love - to recognize the problem. Love that brings suffering and emptiness is a kind of drug for those who eat it. A dependent subject cannot exist without an object of desire as well as a drug addict without a regular dose.
As a rule, such psychological dependence can last for years. The longer the love addiction, the more suffering it brings. In addition to the mental manifestations of the disease, the dependent person’s physical health can also be affected, since his body is under the constant influence of a stressor.
People who are interested in how to survive unhappy love are recommended to try, first of all, to look distantly at the satellite, to appreciate it with a sober mind, to understand what is attracting so much in a given person. You should also realize that it is precisely what makes it so painful to experience a disconnection. Often, the habitual way of being together prevents people from breaking off the painful connection. After all, they are accustomed to the joint morning coffee, daily sms-cam, intimate relationships, that is, to certain actions of a ritual nature, taken in everyday life.
Sometimes for love, individuals take the fear of loneliness, the fear of being alone, the vacuum of their own existence and the desire to dissolve in the opposite field, to live a borrowed life. Here, too, you need to realize the problem and work on overcoming it.
Forgetting unhappy love will help a hobby, work or sport. In other words, a person should switch his attention from the object of lust to something else, or occupy himself with deeds, so that there is no time for meaningless thoughts and memories. Thoughts about the unfolded relationship must be cast aside.
It is also recommended to refer to folk wisdom. After all, it is not without reason that from time immemorial it is known that the wedge is knocked out by a wedge. Therefore, you should not go into yourself, hide in the "sink". Breaking the bond is not death. You need to diversify your own existence, get to know more, visit dates, flirt full, go to friendly gatherings.
In order to eliminate the aching feeling generated by unsuccessful love relationships, it is necessary to raise self-esteem. After all, a suffering individual with an ever-lean "mine" is unlikely to be of interest to anyone. A confident, happy, smiling person will always attract attention. And compliments and flirtatious views will help a person to find cheerfulness.