How to get rid of the complexes? Such obsessive thoughts about their own imperfections ultimately destroy their self-esteem, reduce their confidence and interfere with building harmonious relationships not only with the opposite sex, but entirely with society. Psychological complexes are manifestations of neurotic reactions and fears, aspirations and internal relations to the surrounding world. They are generated by words, thoughts and ideas about their own personality, which have been ousted from the conscious area or suppressed. The suppression of significant evaluations of one’s own manifestation gives rise to rather strong, but always negative emotions (shame, guilt, fear, feeling defective or unworthy).
How to get rid of the complexes and become confident
The mechanism of self-perception, under the influence of complexes, becomes focused on the search for flaws, while positive qualities depreciate. There are difficulties in accepting the current situation and a constant comparison of oneself either with an invented own ideal, or with other acquaintances or strangers. Those. the controlling focus of perception is constantly in the outside world (comparative statements of relatives or one’s own comparisons of oneself with others) and are guided by conformity assessments rather than personal comfort (it becomes more important how it looks and achieved, than how one feels at the same time).
Such a focus on external manifestations leads to a slow but steady decline in mood and confidence, since the success and happiness of an individual are now entirely at the mercy of external factors and the ability to change or influence them is a measure of success, happiness and fulfillment. If it is impossible to change the appearance, character, jump in achievements to a certain level, a person is inclined to devalue himself, forgetting the fact that it is impossible to completely subordinate external reality, as well as it is impossible to simultaneously meet all the requirements in society.
The more a person suppresses his own manifestations, the stronger his shadow, unrecognized side becomes, which is the opposite of the image presented to others. But the problem is that the person and his psyche are fairly integral and do not tolerate such a splitting, as a result of which the greater the suppression occurs, the more pressure it tries to break free and eventually breaks out - tactful people beat the opponent in the face, sober drinkers get drunk, saving on huge amounts of money in casinos. After this temporary relief and the triumph of the shadow side comes the feeling of guilt and self-blame for mistakes, the worthlessness grows stronger, and the spring of suppression and rejection begins to shrink again to shoot the next time with more force.
The complexes relate to all spheres of human life: mental and physical abilities, professional and intimate skills, appearance and character traits. You can enumerate endlessly, it is worth understanding that any manifestation can become a ground for the development of a derogatory attitude towards yourself. Some moments of rejection are laid back in infancy, some appear at a rather mature age. The reason may be the system of upbringing and interaction with parents (all complexes of sexual development, such as the oedipal or Electra complex, originate here), and can be provoked by a significant phrase once said (usually this happens when the psyche does not have time to put up protection because it is completely open against the background of the credibility of the speaker, and then the information of destructive nature immediately falls into the core of the individual without critical verification and becomes truth).
The fight against complexes begins with the installation of the reasons for their appearance, correlation with the objective picture of reality, work on increasing self-esteem and orientation to internal milestones in assessing oneself. And in the future, it is necessary to adjust the actions taken depending on the etiology and specificity of the neo-value that has arisen, since the answer to how to get rid of the guilt complex or the intimate complex cannot be the same.
The question of how to get rid of a complex of self-doubt most often begins to occur among adolescents, and this is due to age-related changes in their social manifestation: contacts with the world are more active, manifestations of their own opinion become paramount, as is the use of the emerging opportunity for making independent decisions. Such changes require the courage to be, to show oneself, without adapting to others, to take the first steps, and if in the process of upbringing in childhood as far back as childhood was broken, now is the time to manifest it in all its glory.
It is always easier to prevent the problem, therefore the recommendation to all parents, pointing out mistakes and shortcomings, not to use comparisons (this is how external orientation is developed), not to assess his personality as bad due to bad deeds (this is how a negative image of one’s own self is formed), not to manipulate the child’s behavior with the help of the deprivation of parental love (this is how self-denial is formed). Instead, all of the above requires a reaction of participation, a joint search for solutions to problems and assistance in finding resources or positive aspects of a child even in a negative situation, which in turn will shape his stable position and confidence that even in the most disastrous situation he will be able to change the outcome.
Uncertainty is based on the fear of defeat and ignorance of one’s own abilities, can occur among those who are cared for and now the person has no idea how to act independently or in the opposite situation, when the child was deprived of all support and, acting independently, he ran into many failures. Dealing with uncertainty includes increasing self-esteem, fighting fears and proactive actions.
To bring self-esteem to an adequate level, it would be good to make a list of everything that does not suit, after which the list should be critically revised, possibly by connecting with close people you trust. The purpose of the revision is to identify what can really be changed from the list (for example, it’s impossible to have wings, change the skin color and the floor is more real, but still not readily available, but to raise the level of education or create a more trained body under the power of many). The next question on how to get rid of a complex of self-doubt will be the compilation of a second list of your qualities, no matter how you evaluate them, that can help you overcome the negative (persistence can be blamed by your parents, but it can be useful in getting a diploma). When it is hard to single out your strengths on your own - ask your friends about it, just let it be non-sugary non-informative compliments of support, and the actual listing of what you are doing great and where it can be used. By the way, take a closer look at the list of your shortcomings, it is possible that if you shift the point of view, they can find the right application and it will be invaluable advantages.
Fighting fear has many aspects, if you don’t understand what exactly you are afraid of, where the root cause is and what to do, it’s better to understand this problem together with a psychologist who will help you identify relevant causes and then you will either work out a coping strategy or decide what is Fear is a very important component of your personality, protecting it from injury and destruction. If you understand what you are afraid of and why you can begin to train yourself in overcoming these blocks. Here it is important to understand the reason, since the fear of speeches for one may be justified by the fact that he forgets the text, and the other that he is showered with tomatoes. Then in the first case, a person should practice not in cramming material, but in his free possession, as well as a gradual increase in the number of listeners or as an option to rehearse his speech in the hall without spectators. In the second version, it will be appropriate to train attentiveness to read out human emotions and threatening factors, the ability to change the mood of the public with your text, training on a busy street to determine the emotions of passers-by is quite appropriate.
And the last thing that is useful in the fight against uncertainty is a constant manifestation of active actions, instead of calculating possible results - get down to business. Perhaps it will not work, perhaps the girl will refuse, but in case of any failure, professional or personal, you still get a review of why it didn’t work, which gives you the opportunity to develop your own skills. Uncertainty in communication takes place not after reading all the books on this subject, but after constant training of this skill and expanding the scope of its application. Uncertainty about one’s own competence does not take place after theoretical courses and clear tasks, but after the practical overcoming of complex issues or the search for non-standard solutions.
How to get rid of the victim complex
There are people catching trouble in batches in a particular area or in life. We do not take into account now the situation of force majeure, which happens to everyone, it looks like a fairly stable trend. For example, a girl can be raped several times in her life, or each partner she meets will be beaten, a man will be constantly deceived in transactions or humiliated by women with whom he has an unrequited love. The common feature in this case is the presence of suffering from external circumstances that go on constantly. Such a phenomenon is a complex of the victim, includes a list of personal qualities that contribute to the fact that a person takes the position of the victim, and also has an indirect effect on the life of a person, sending signals to others even besides the conscious will of the victim. Variants of trouble are different, but it is worth noting that it is the man himself who unknowingly attracts accidents, tyrannical partners and other troubles. Situations created by the victim look like attacks from the outside world, and accordingly a person suffers, claims to the injustice of the universe, others around him feel sorry and often also wonder why they are so unlucky, especially active people go to shoot damage.
As in any frustrating behavior, the victim’s complex has secondary benefits and pleasure, even if the person himself is not aware of these moments. Awareness of the presence of complexes of such installations helps a person understand what he receives for his suffering (or what he avoids, because the success scares many). To realize the existence of a problem in oneself in the realities of modern society, especially in the post-Soviet space, is rather difficult and accessible for those who decide to pursue their spiritual development and take an interest in psychology. The rest perceive similar behavior as a rule, since the whole society is built on folklore and traditions of personal injury and justification of violence (moral or physical). In connection with such spiritual heredity, the roots can not be sought - they are passed down from generation to generation, strengthening as the person grows up, and in order to completely eradicate it, psychological development of parents, then children, and possibly the next generation will not absorb these behavioral patterns, where happy unsafe, successful hard, and beatings perceive as a sign of love.
The victims are almost incapable of accepting responsibility, easily and completely obey the decisions of more powerful personalities, do not know how to defend their own borders, choose people with psychopathic disorders in their circle, sacrifice their own lives for the children, spouse, parents even when they did not ask for such. A person with a victim complex abandons his own life and pleasures, replacing love and caring for himself with a sense of pity and infantilism, does not allow himself to have fun while being in the present moment, and shun responsibility.
Methods to overcome the victim complex are built in the development of opposite patterns of behavior. You can deal with the question of how to get rid of the guilt complex and stop blaming others, taking responsibility for yourself instead. To stop living with the position that the world owes you, and even in a critical situation when you need help, remember that asking and accepting it is your responsibility, no one is obliged to run after you and save, and also offer further help if you refused. Learn to bring joy to yourself, not just to others, determine where your life is and what it is filled with, if you live for a long time in the role of a victim, then it may turn out that your life is not there and it is empty, then you have to get acquainted with yourself and look for the appropriate content. . To hide behind children, family, work - means falling back into the role of the victim, your task is that only yours should have interests and pleasures.
Constant complaints and direct non-participation will not relieve you of responsibility, as if this would not be desirable, even in jurisprudence there are articles for bringing to suicide and provocation for rape. Fear to lead their own lives can paralyze, but this is a necessary stage of maturation. You can find out with your psychotherapist why you tend to manipulate people instead of making direct and open contact, whether separation has occurred and how you can contribute to this process. Independently you can search for what benefits you get from being a victim (pity, attention, control), as well as from negative events (a relationship with a tyrant can justify an unfulfilled career, and permanent cataclysms of a domestic nature can save you from help in a country house).
How to get rid of an inferiority complex
Perhaps the most common that we know about complexes and where we include a lot of their diversity is an inferiority complex, born when we compare ourselves with others or with some parameters (not always objectively established). Despite the recognized uniqueness of each, a person who considers himself to be inferior is inherent in chronic dissatisfaction with himself on the basis of successive reasons or his own personality. Perception of oneself as unattractive, unsuccessful, degrading one’s merits, destructive and biased self-criticism do not relate much to objective reality and how others perceive a person, and if they reflect objective flaws, to a lesser extent than the person himself is positioning.
In overcoming the inferiority complex helps to establish its causes and view of what is happening from the position of the present moment. Most negative attitudes about themselves occur in perception from childhood, due to incorrect comments by adults or bullying of peers. Statements and situations are forgotten, and conclusions and self-perceptions remain, so remember the events that led you to similar life attitudes. The first reaction will be emotional and you can psychologically drop it at the age where the injury was inflicted, but then, having considered the situation from the perspective of an adult and your experience, you can see that the truth of the statement is not enough. It may turn out that you were called out with anger or envy, so that you would obey and not express your opinion, because of misunderstanding and a low level of culture or the development of the author of the words himself.
Next time, with the usual self-deprecation record, you can already track that these phrases are not yours, but people from deep childhood and they have no relation and cannot characterize the present situation and you in it, and about the adequacy to the children's situation be questions. At first, it will be necessary to catch such thoughts with an effort of will and each time to overestimate the situation, because instead of the automatic “bad” various other answers may appear.
Spend time studying your own qualities, both positive and negative, develop ways to apply both. What you don’t like in yourself right now is not necessarily subject to eradication, perhaps if used correctly in the right situations, this trait will become very valuable. Shift the focus towards the positive, because no manifestation can be exclusively one pole, perception varies from needs. Usually we are blamed for inconvenient manifestations to others (when you are negatively called as a careerist you can try to become comfortable and work to the floor in strength, and you can realize that a person is driven by envy and continue to develop their talents, receiving decent promotion and bonuses).
Many choose the path of social exclusion and thus drive themselves even deeper. Общение нужно поддерживать, а круг контактов расширять - вы заметите, что ваши недостатки никого не ввергают в шок, а кто-то может, будет стремиться вам в этом подражать, контактируя с различными людьми можно заметить не идеальность всех, но успех и счастье в их жизни.
Do not stop your own development in a wide variety of areas, but do not focus your own achievements on external ideals. Match the goals with your needs and your situation (it’s great, of course, to lift the bar at two hundred kilograms, but if you’re a bank employee in an urban-type settlement, it’s possible to maintain a decent physical condition, and spend the rest of the time on more relevant issues). Compare your achievements with your own level, i.e. if before you knew a hundred foreign words, and now a thousand, then this is success and your achievement, you can praise yourself, you do not need to remember native speakers and compare your level with them, since you are originally in different predetermined conditions.
Take care of yourself, with love, and not with a whip - look after your appearance, indulge in goodies, take yourself to interesting courses and buy beautiful books, the more happiness, the more rich life will be. Developing internal criteria for success (happiness, well-being, comfort) you will no longer compare yourself with external parameters, finding contentment with yourself.
How to get rid of the complexes about the appearance
The perception of our appearance by others depends entirely on how we ourselves treat the outer shell of our personality - those who consider themselves unattractive will unconsciously broadcast this information and in the end everyone will consider it not nice, and if a person who has an objective external defect considers himself beautiful, then the surrounding, more likely they will consider it as an attractive twist. Complexes about appearance often interfere with life and are very common, because it is appearance that I am the hallmark of a person before he showed his invaluable personal qualities. The framework of the external image is imposed by advertising and the fashion industry, the impatience of children for the different and the desire to conform to a certain type, which prefers a nice person.
Solving the problem purely from the outside turns out to be impossible, since dissatisfaction with one’s appearance has psychological reasons, and how many do not bring one’s reflection to the ideal state, there will still be something that still needs to be fixed and there will be no end to the causes of discontent. You will have to work with the fear of rejection, phrases from childhood, which characterize from the negative side, low self-esteem and supervaluableness of those around you. This is only the first most common list, but there are also issues involved in the desire to copy the appearance of her dead grandmother, because longing for it is intolerable. An analysis of where physical disabilities are really, and where an inspired self-critical attitude can take a long period of time. After that, the remaining (if left) list can be easily corrected within the allowable limit - lose extra (according to medical standards) weight, and not bring yourself to dystrophy, pick a more successful haircut, and not reshape the face of a plastic surgeon. External changes carried out from the perspective of love and caring for oneself have a foreseeable end result and in their achievement do not resemble an acute phase of manic psychosis.
To rejoice and take care of yourself you need to start at this second, even having (as it seems to you) a non-perfect body, i.e. dress yourself beautifully now, not when you lose weight, take pictures and attend events now, not when you level your back and clean your skin. Such behavior gives a lot of acceptance of yourself and acceptance from others, which helps to weaken the blocks of tension and tightness. If you can’t see your own merits, use the help of a stylist, make-up artist, fitness trainer - all these people, by virtue of their profession, instantly highlight the merits in human manifestation and help to reveal them more fully. Do for yourself now useful and pleasant things, everything that you can and is available and your appearance, as well as your perception of yourself, will begin to change.