How to improve relations with my husband? Asking a question of establishing relations in a couple, and specifically on how to improve family relations with her husband, many greatly complicate the existing situation, often forgetting the simple rules that help normalize any interaction. Before being offended and drawing conclusions that you are not being listened to or ignored, try to assess the adequacy of your own speech. Women are prone to imaginative, emotional, and long-term narration, among which men usually get lost, and do not understand which piece of information they have provided to react, because it is physically impossible to react to the whole sweat.
How to improve relations with my husband after a quarrel
Having rid your speech of hints, trying to express as concretely and briefly as possible, and also because you stop believing in a man’s ability to read your thoughts and guess wishes, you can avoid many conflicts. This is due to the fact that women tend to be silent for a long time, be offended, invent and eventually make a scandal, instead of clearly identifying the problem when necessary. The difference in brain function affects the perception of information, so a friend will understand you instantly, thinking like similar schemes, and a man can stand for a long time with a surprised face. Responsibility for communication lies with both partners, it is not enough just to wait for you to be understood correctly, you also need to make efforts to convey your opinion in the most understandable way.
Keep track of the presence of personal time and space, the periodic distance between you, because the constant contact even with your favorite tires. A person needs time for solitude and taking up his own affairs, a pause is needed to switch when returning home. Not getting such short rest periods can cause disruptions and irritation, even if you try to help and cheer. If your contact with the threshold is filled with complaints, grievances and problems, then the natural desire to just hide or stop contact sucking vitality.
Try not to rush - advice is relevant for many situations in the interaction and building your own life. Do not rush to conclusions about the actions and decisions of another person, it may turn out that everything will work out, but the fact that you do not give support or even criticize, distrust and discourage any desire to share. Do not rush him to make a decision or somehow change the situation, because your own level of anxiety surpasses it. A man functions in the rhythm in which he is comfortable, moreover, when making a decision, a man usually analyzes and compares significantly more factors than a woman, which requires additional time.
Issues related to feelings generally require a separate state in the male world, because in order to adapt to a wave of emotional perception, they need to put the entire logical process-analysis aside, for which possibilities are not so often encountered. Squeezing and hurrying, you can get an answer to ensure that you are finally silenced or taken from the ceiling, although more often you will hear a terrible roar, conveying to you the meaning that at the moment a man is not ready to answer. Do not hurry yourself in your life, with giving promises, accepting elections and committing iconic deeds, give time for impulsiveness to step aside, watch the situation a little more, that there would be no anecdotal situation where the wife got herself a new man, because the husband left, and went to the garage for an hour.
Do not try to change your spouse, believing that then the relationship will be improved, if there is a crack in them, raising him as if in a children's group will cause protest and rejection, which will aggravate the situation. Change your reactions, trying to reduce the level of tension in your interaction, this can be done by replacing demand and criticism strategy with feedback and praise (just don’t shift it and shouldn’t change drastically - men are sensitive to the slightest changes, and if they are serious, will be alert and tensed, but will not meet you).
In general, instead of concentrating on the shortcomings of the other and problems in the relationship, shift the focus a little to yourself, because taking care of yourself and fully immersed in making contact, the woman risks only worsen everything. She puts on a titanic effort, catches the slightest changes in aura and facial expressions, while she herself loses resources without receiving nourishment and begins to demand and push even without realizing it, since she expects dividends from invested efforts, but they all do not come. The trick is that through power they will not come, because a relaxed person can create a relaxed atmosphere, a filled person can share, and a hungry and angry person can only press and demand. So, look for ways to restore your own emotional balance and sources of spiritual fulfillment, during this time the relationship will not fall apart, but it can, on the contrary, revive, having a breath of freedom.
As long as the relationship has just started, you won’t even think in the worst quarrels that it will always be like this or even worse, but over time, when the main points of the innovation have been passed, something is fixed, and you and your spouse finally stopped hiding from each other the inevitable crisis of relations comes along, and the question of how to improve family relations with a husband becomes relevant even for those who have assured that this is not about them. Stabilization of relations during a crisis, when your marriage is shaking, as if an airplane in a zone of turbulence requires a change in the general mode of communication, but in addition, it is still necessary to deal with the causes of the crisis and discontent with what is happening.
The cause of family crises most often becomes boredom, life, habit. Judge for yourself, all the innovations that could be, have already happened - you marked together all possible holidays in various combinations of relatives and friends, you were in hospitals and closed cucumbers. Opportunities to get new experience are simply exhausted by the recurrence of situations, besides you have studied each other enough for a long time, you know what to expect, but you haven’t opened a new and striking one in your half for a long time. Weekdays spend the same, even sex becomes more routine. Shaking relationships will help to bring them into romance or search for a shared new hobby - you can go on a date again, instead of the evening watching TV, or you can buy a couple of bicycles and explore the surroundings.
The disadvantages of the spouse begin to emerge brighter, and the dignity seems to evaporate, because the longer we communicate, the less we build a positive character in front of the spouse, we relax and manifest ourselves as we are. The difference in perception of how everything should have been agreed together, as specifically and openly as possible, i.e. it is better to report that you need talk at dinner, and then help in washing the dishes, rather than an abstract phrase, about wanting more attention. To strive to reshape the behavior and emotional reactions, just like the life habits and attitudes of an adult, is impossible and should not be attempted with your own husband. But swallowing things that are not suitable for your life concept will be pitiful, report in fact, and specifying as much as possible what you don’t like. Try to avoid threatening phrases and intonations - your task is not to intimidate, but to inform your husband about how you are in such a situation and leave his further behavior to his discretion, but informing about possible consequences.
On the border of the crisis or already in it, it is important to understand how to improve relations with the husband after a quarrel, while trying not to find out all the problems that have accumulated and expressed during the scandal immediately after the storm. It is necessary to choose the right time, perhaps, after a few hours or days, in order for the emotions to subside, and there is an opportunity to discuss mutual claims, wishes and suggestions. You should not start deep topics, especially concerning feelings and relationships, when a man ran for lunch, just returned or is about to leave. The proposals to talk "about us" of many men plunge into a state of rabies beforehand, because for them it means a lot of text and details that tire, lack of specifics and offers of permission, and hopelessness, since his last attempt to make his woman happy by asking what she wants ends up depreciating "nothing."
If you want to discuss problems with a man or just make your relationship warmer, then speak out clearly and briefly ("I want to walk with you every Saturday"), not forgetting to suggest options that would suit you, rather than putting all the responsibility on your husband (" for example, let's go together to the sports ground in the morning or to the cinema in the evening "). Accept his proposals or disagreements, otherwise this is the authoritarian style of your one-man rule, and not equal relations between two individuals who value each other.
If you have tried to find a contact yourself and the ways of developing relationships in a creative direction, you did not succeed, then contact a specialist, ideally it will be family therapy, but if your spouse refuses to attend classes, you can go to an individual psychotherapeutic session. The effect will also be and the model of your interaction will change, since the couple is a system, and when one component of the system changes, the second one changes automatically, otherwise they will not be able to interact.
How to improve relations with my husband on the verge of divorce
It is rather difficult to establish relations seeking to divorce, but with appropriate motivation and internal forces it is a perfectly feasible idea, but is it worth it when the situation has taken so much a critical turn? Such cracks do not come suddenly, and from the reasons that gave rise to the idea of diverging, you should choose different recovery tactics.
A quick-tempered spouse can lead to a pre-divorce condition, and if it is expressed in constant quarrels and clarification of relationships, then you can reanimate the situation by sorting out the causes and normalizing the state of mind. But if hot temper breeds insults and humiliation, assault and restraint of a woman’s freedom, then getting a quiet life in most cases will help divorce, rather than trying to adapt to her husband and normalize relations. The behavior of the spouse, aimed at the humiliation of the woman leads to a decrease in self-esteem, the development of depressive state and suicidal thoughts, the continuation of such treatment, even after several comments, means that this interaction is customary and permissible in his picture of the world. This also includes the polygamous behavior of men, with an open expression of sympathy for other women with his wife, the presence of a mistress. In such a relationship, if you agree to the periodic return of such a period for the sake of the family, you should consult with a therapist specializing in family relations.
If these critical cases do not relate to you, then you can work on building interactions. In order to understand how to improve relations with her husband after a quarrel, causing ideas about divorce, you need to delve a little into the mechanics of the process. The presence of serious scandals testifies to strong feelings, first of all towards you, and this is far from indifference, because we don’t shout at strangers like we do at close ones. Touching something inside a person, you cause a violent reaction, it grows and it is when the psyche burns fuses and there is a threat that with increasing degree of passions a person will not survive, he chooses to break the contact. Quitting everything, getting a divorce, stopping to communicate is the only possible reaction to save the integrity of something extremely important in one’s own psyche. Stepping back a bit, showing that you are not going to change anything in the human soul, you can reduce the level of emotional tension. If, on the contrary, begin to crawl with requests to tell why the person hides, assuring that you will treat the trusted information carefully, if you are trusted with it now, will lead to an increase in affect and acceleration of the divorce process.
Listen to your spouse, just talk about the desire to improve relations a little, you need to be attentive to his thoughts about this, because your goal is to normalize the interaction, and not to fasten a person with handcuffs for the sake of a formal finding. Expressing your own claims, be prepared to hear about your impartial character traits, and it will be honest to take into account the wishes of your partner if you want your comments to be taken into account. Crises mercilessly pushing people to divorce. But they only think that everything should be good a priori and not change, but relationships require daily mental work, self-digging and change, they are far from static and include both fireworks of joy and the month of Antarctic cold. When a qualitatively and open dialogue is established between spouses, most of the problems from the relationship do not disappear, but it is manageable and does not develop into an irresistible lump that has been gathering for years.
Try to add positive moments in your life together, but remember about personal space. Being in the pre-divorce state can often be hard and deep contact, so all your interactions should be short and light. It is better not to go traveling on a liner for married couples - the space is closed, there is nowhere to go, the presence of happy couples will provoke constant comparisons. It is quite possible to take tickets to the concert of your favorite group of both and better in any club than the hall with seats - this will give an opportunity to recall general topics, will not force to communicate if there is no desire (and at the club moving and communicating with others look pretty organically), and you can also leave at any time. By this analogy, invent a positive pastime according to your situation and preferences, but sometimes you need to speak honestly and openly when you feel that the level of tension has slightly decreased.
How to improve relations with my husband after his betrayal
Attitudes towards treason in people are different, and if it is impossible for someone to forgive her, then someone will simply be upset, but will not change life, allowing the like, that to itself, that to its partner. But deciding to continue the relationship with her husband after the betrayal, it is worth understanding that to normalize the interaction there will be little of his apologies and discussion of the situation, since betrayal is the tip of the iceberg, it is usually preceded by discord in the family system and often thanks to the adultery the family is saved as otherwise, unfulfilled needs and recriminations or indifference would have severed the family completely.
To protect oneself from revenge and lust for power by manipulating what happened, making the husband forever apologizing, and because of this dancing to the mood of his wife, it’s worth realizing a few moments. He voluntarily decided to stay with you, the myth that you can take a man by force or return a man who lost all vitality long ago, and you, in turn, voluntarily accepted him back, if you cannot forgive, you shouldn’t continue the relationship. Based on these two simple postulates, it turns out that you are valuable and significant to each other, which is a separate incentive to normalize relations.
If this is still in your power, then do not spread information about what happened, because if you can forgive, the benevolent public will constantly remind you and not in the most flattering interpretations. It is unlikely that someone will admire your joint ability to preserve the warmth of the relationship, passing even this, more likely the husband to throw mud, and you will be called a fool. With a strong onslaught of public opinion, you can really believe all the facts provided and begin to act in accordance with their recommendations, but life is yours. But getting to the other side of the opposite, hiding the fact and denying in every way from those who know, is not worth it either, you can correctly ask them not to raise this topic once more, justifying that you have unpleasant emotions during the discussion.
It is necessary for the husband to bring his condition to himself, to hold on, stoically portraying that you are so steep and self-confident that this in no way hurt you. He should be aware of what was happening to you, show it better as soon as possible, and bright and fast (it is better to throw a vase at him once and yelp for an hour than not talk a month and not let him touch it for a year). Be sure to discuss what happened and jointly decide how you will live. Это может быть план действий или выработка определенного поведения. Вы можете договориться про интимную близость или потребовать не общаться с любовницей, возможно, оговорить компенсацию и скорость постепенно сближения.When discussing future life, be guided by your state at the moment, voice needs and warn about your changed attitude to something, because without warning a man may wonder why you are jumping off.
If viewed from the point of view of the theory of relationships, then betrayal is a kind of cry for the relationship of help, when people did not pay attention to smaller moments. When relationships end, they end quietly, simply fading away, and if a third partner appears in them, but then the former partner is chosen, it can be coldness, remoteness, the inability to satisfy something significant, such as the love and value of this person. It is ideal to deal with the unconscious motives of treason and the wife should also reconsider their behavior for the presence of unconscious actions that push the man into the arms of another. People may consciously desire the opposite, but family messages are serious drivers of behavior that are laid in childhood. To discover and change them yourself is quite problematic, since such beliefs in the unconscious dwell and act from there. Family therapy or individual will help the spouses to establish relationships without unnecessary circular walks, but if there is an acute reluctance or lack of opportunity to ask for help, you can try to figure out the reasons yourself.