Self-esteem is a person's inner self-perception, which has a visible manifestation in the behavioral sphere, reflected by a high appreciation of one’s own social value and rights. It has a close semantic relationship with self-esteem, self-esteem and the concept of one's own I, which are at a high level but not identical, since in these close concepts more emphasis is placed on the human perception of himself, while dignity always appeals to external society.
Self-esteem in relationships (whether intimate, child-parenting or official) always predetermines a decent level of human behavior, high demands on themselves and participants in relationships. Such requirements are in the peace of dialogue and decency of actions, guidance of moral principles and the manifestation of respect even in the form of their appearance (by maintaining tidiness). Under the apparent pressure of demands and obligations, a person filled with dignity can behave much more freely than the average representative, going to his own desires in a virtuous way and showing excellent manners and upbringing. Such people can open any doors, because they are well aware and appreciate their strengths, know how to deal with the weak and are able to present themselves to the world so that these qualities are valued, without humiliating other people and trying to stand out, denigrating them.
Knowing the norms of behavior with you is a condition for starting the development of self-esteem, accepting or rejecting interaction from people, depending on its compliance with your internal criteria of the possible. This category is not innate, but is formed or freezes under the influence of the external environment, from the internalization of the assessment of others (family, educators, culture), which can occur in education (norms, rules and human rights), conscious or unconscious suggestion (when praising or scolding child, give an assessment of his personality), when copying behavioral patterns (parental behavior, as an example or examples of literature and cinema).
What is self-esteem
The sense of dignity is a manifestation of accepting oneself to a large part and recognizing oneself as a significant person, and this self-relation is based on a confident attitude and calm, knowledge and a realistic assessment of one’s own abilities, as well as an understanding of the value of any human personality. Some may confuse this feeling with pride or pride, where the prerequisites for feeling valuable and significant are the desire for exaltation, constant comparison, which causes emotional drops and loss of confidence.
Self-esteem in relationships allows you to value yourself and value another, to choose something based on your own world view, and not under the pressure of manipulation or competitive strategies. There is no desire to do something for the sake of pleasing others or confirming one's own importance, a person understands his importance a priori and this understanding does not rely on external sources. This is similar to a mature relationship, where caring for others will be done from one’s own inner motives of compassion or love, but not with the goal of deserving a good relationship, where the difference of perceptions is allowed and it is supported in both directions (i.e. rights for the sake of preserving good relations, but will not encroach on the rights of another).
An important internal moment is the desire to remain oneself and to maintain a calm and firm position, not falling to empty accusations, clarifying relations with the help of shouts and threats, appeal to intrigues and gossip as ways to influence the environment. Due to the lack of a competitive moment, peace, confidence and self-knowledge, such a person cannot be offended because he clearly represents who he is and who he is not (you will not be offended or argue with someone who calls you an antelope and take it seriously) . Honesty with oneself, open admission of weaknesses accompanies decent behavior, then a person can insure himself beforehand in unstable moments, when behavior looks like everything can be solved independently and deal with any problem, this is self-confidence, which is sometimes good, but reflects not quite adequate perception of yourself.
Such an attitude towards oneself is reflected by an effective manifestation of the love of oneself and one's desires, since it is largely aimed at ensuring a quality standard of living. The need to monitor appearance (not only at important events, but even on weekends, stay at home), to take care of health (not only buying medicines, but also ensuring quality rest, a rich diet, etc.) will buy only high-quality goods (without wanting save, because he knows that he deserves better). The same applies to the choice of work and friends, companions of life and ways to build relationships. A person who feels worthy will not be in the wrong place, engage in low affairs and communicate with missing people.
How to develop self-esteem
The development of self-esteem occurs in childhood, under the influence of the environment and by the beginning of adulthood is a formed category, but not stable, so this sense of self can be lost (if you get for a long time in frustrating conditions), and develop.
In adulthood, the formation of the feeling of being worthy takes place on the basis of self-attitude, and accordingly, it is necessary to start working from this very position. Initially, you will have to objectively evaluate yourself, to get acquainted (perhaps this will require feedback from people around you who consider some of your shortcomings to be merits and vice versa). This stage is necessary for a clear definition of who you are, in order to distance yourself from imposing the opinions of others and switching this assessment to internal control, instead of a spontaneous external one. The courage of recognizing and accepting oneself along with shortcomings gives a powerful inner strength and vector of change. It is important that the intentions of the changes (if they are suddenly started after the revision of their qualities) are carried out in accordance with the internal guidelines, and not the convenience of other people. Counting their victories and good qualities, changes on the way to the better should be carried out visually (you can record, you can recruit ten achievements and arrange yourself for this holiday or self-indulgence) - such events increase self-esteem.
You have to struggle with the desire to compare yourself with others, it is permissible to compare yourself with yourself (at the beginning of the journey or with where you are going). To make it easier, for the first time, you can turn off the news feed in the social network with profiles dazzling photos of success, and you can consider each catching comparison as an experience of self-knowledge. You can analyze your mental victories over someone in terms of what this victory gives to an inner feeling, how to apply it. You can also work with comparisons in the negative direction, making your desires and needs envy, and possibly images of compliance imposed by someone.
Listen to your desires and try to fulfill them, the constant postponement of your joys for others greatly inhibits the emergence of self-esteem, because every time, for important reasons, someone else deserves more happiness than you do. Do you now want to drink sea buckthorn tea in silence - buy sea buckthorn, brew tea, close the door to the room with a sign banning entry. And the world will not collapse, even if you have a small child, the deadline for the delivery of the project or girlfriend hysterical in the kitchen.
Many since childhood have been taught modesty, the devaluation of compliments and the concealment of what is available (at least material, even trips, even achievements). Such behavioral strategies make you value yourself less and shrink in size, trying to be worse, talking about success only to those closest to you. But own dignity implies accepting praise sincerely and joyfully, telling us about your achievements, without devaluing. Your attitude and value for the society depends on your self-repription. If you want a good relationship, feel worthy of it, speak well of yourself. And you can start from the opposite and with stories about your positive qualities to form a worthy attitude, which will automatically tighten your inner self-esteem.
In the meantime, this feeling cannot yet resist violators from outside, then limit the circle of people and communication spheres, where violations of human rights, freedoms and virtues are possible, where caustic and devaluing remarks occur, where your boundaries are violated, loading beyond measure, in order to release time. It is not enough to cultivate such an attitude in oneself; one must get rid of the factors contributing to the destruction of such an adequate self-perception.