Psychology and Psychiatry

How to stop envy

How to stop envy? An envious feeling is inherent in all individuals, regardless of gender, nationality, character, temperament. Conducted sociological studies indicate that this feeling weakens with age. The idea of ​​how to stop envy people appears when this feeling is already beginning to poison life, and instead of going about their business and improving them, a person spends most of his internal resources on constant comparisons and suppression of negative emotions. Starting to eradicate the feeling of envy, without understanding the mechanisms and reasons for its occurrence, will be a fruitless undertaking, since the feeling of dissatisfaction will remain and begin to manifest itself somewhere else.

Many have absorbed the inadmissibility of envy in their sensual sphere, however, like any emotions, envy is not negative or positive, it only indicates a certain attitude. Such suggestions occurred in those times when a ban was imposed on many uncomfortable or incomprehensible manifestations of the emotional sphere, and envy is directly related to the sphere of desires and aspirations and human development. That did not always remain in the hands of both parents and the state.

An envious feeling always signals your needs or desires. They envy the presence of what one would like to have by oneself, and it does not matter whether the object is a material object, a person, a property of character or an event. Trying to bury such manifestations, look for ways to stop being jealous and compare can lead to degradation. Observing the lives of others, we can find new ways to solve our problems, feel more clearly what is missing, define our aspirations, and constructive envy is a compass in these directions. If we analyze this feeling in a similar way, then we can figure out how to work with the productivity of one’s own activities or the change in the entire structure of life, and add self-development.

Without conscious analysis, an envious feeling is the engine of serious destructive actions, even the destruction of someone else’s life. Usually this happens when the need is very significant, but there is no patience or resource for its implementation, then observing the presence of the desired in someone else’s life becomes unbearable and the only way to facilitate the experience is to destroy it in someone else’s life. To get out of this perception, be aware that you do not see the reality completely, and perhaps for the result that you now envy, the person paid the price that does not suit you (pay for a high position with health and family, for popularity - lack of personal space and intimacy , for freedom in their decisions - alone). Find a reverse side with any success (there is always), and many desires associated with envy will disappear, and perhaps you will begin to sympathize with those whom you envy.

How to stop envy and live your life

Envy distracts from one’s own life and more and more plunges into the assessment and close observation of the existence of those around us. It is the switching of attention from others to the problematics of your own existence is the best answer to the question of how to stop envy and compare, because, paying attention to your development and advancement, you are depriving yourself of a unique opportunity - to equalize and envy. Focusing on one’s own activities and comparing one’s achievements with one’s own results eliminates not only an agonizing feeling, but allows one to become more efficient, and is also a great way to cope with many unpleasant events in life. Partings, travels, failures, experienced in the active development of the qualities of their own personality and life, are much easier, and bring additional advantages.

Awareness of envious feelings at the moment of occurrence and in general as a periodic state allows, if not to understand how to stop envy people in general, then begin to benefit from the previously frustrating feelings, highlighting their unconscious desires and building achievement strategies using it. Many well-known personalities have achieved success due to the envy that has arisen, and it is not logical to ignore such an emotional voice, since it always signals only true desires, but inspired in society. Those. the object of envy is truly necessary for you, which means that there is a readiness for these relations, a desire for such changes, the ability for such activities, or even a physical need, if this is something material.

If an envious feeling has taken by surprise and there is simply no time to analyze the reasons for its occurrence, and the whirlwind of unrestrained emotions delays you, then the first thing to do is calm down. Someone is suitable meditation, someone should go to the fresh air and breathe, perhaps help call a friend and ask to praise you, and perhaps yourself to reconsider their achievements, drink a delicious tea, go to your favorite place. Your task is to normalize your condition, return a good mood, after which it will be possible to find new ideas. In a negative disposition, focusing on the deficiency, a person is inclined to make many mistakes, complicate his life, and generally spoil it with a bad mood. Another secret lies in the ability to rejoice - the more beautiful you can notice and share it with others, the less envy will be in your life, the more success will appear.

To calm down an envious feeling, to try to make it a little less, many try to be complacent, usually looking like a comparison in their favor (“he has a two-story house, but I have three children”). The method is common and really helps not to choke with saliva right on the spot, but envy it doesn’t remove it anywhere, it also remains inside, continuing to undermine the normal sense of self, because the main mechanism is not removed, but is fed. Comparison of oneself, albeit a plus, remains a comparison, there is always an evaluation based on others. It is necessary to find the strength to acknowledge the fact that someone is better in some way, without concessions to calm their own ego, and with the recognition that the world is such that a person exists who is better at something (for example, a friend drives a car better than me this is a fact "and no comparisons like" but my eyelashes are longer or have my own business ").

The ensuing jealousy against the background of a sense of justice is generally invincible, if you do not remove the conviction from the picture of the world that you can earn something, and those who will behave well will receive the most delicious candy. The world is not fair, but if it is fair, it is not exactly according to the laws that are in our head, but, accordingly, the flour from the fact that a dishonest neighbor bought a third jeep can last forever.

Accepting the fact that the universe does not owe us anything, in spite of behavior and impulses, relieves many of the claims to peace, and envy, demanding justice. Everyone gets what he earned (he didn’t deserve good behavior, but earned his own efforts). There are only the consequences of our choices and efforts, and you should be able to take responsibility for your perfect choices. If two people go the same way, they will have the same achievements, so if you, as a firefighter, compare your life with a traveler, the results will be sad. If you look wider than the local result, you can see that people paid youth for the mansion and the yacht, but did not have time to start a family - realizing the envy of their material success, accept the conscious responsibility for their youthful choice to build a family and work to ensure it and the corresponding results (perhaps a man with a yacht envies you).

Good help from the envy of a benevolent attitude to the one who causes this feeling. Look for something you can enjoy in the lives of others, because, rejoicing only in your own success, you will impoverish your emotional life and the variety of possibilities with your own hands. You can admire and ask to tell how a person has achieved this, to offer to cooperate - everyone benefits from this, and you also deceive your own perception, bringing more happiness to yourself. Delight others with a pleasant word and a small gift - bringing people joy, you involuntarily begin to feel warm feelings for them, instead of burning envy and hostility.

Speak to those who envy the compliments, even if they are stretched through the beginning, then you can more easily turn them into an exciting game. If you are envied, it means that you rated something as positive, do not be silent, tell about it - your friends will be pleased, and your envy will be transformed into a light joy. And if you do not have the strength to share your feelings in a positive way, then find someone to whom you can honestly tell what you envy your colleague. Expressing your feelings out loud will help them to analyze, and the response of another person will most likely give an understanding that what is happening is normal. If there are no such people, then you can talk on this topic with a psychologist who will definitely help to consider feeling as a resource for internal development.

In principle, all understanding, experience, ideas drawn from envy, direct to development and inspiration. And take care of people who appreciate you, and constantly remind about it, because they help to feel their intrinsic value, despite the surrounding incidents and other people's achievements.

How to stop envy a friend

Depending on gender, friendships differ in many parameters and the rules by which these relationships are built, one of which is the presence of envy in friendly relations. It is considered to be that in a male friendship there is no place for envy, and in general this feeling is more typical of women, and men either are friends and rejoice at the success of a friend, or are at enmity and rejoice at the adversity of the enemy. Naturally, this is a bit exaggerated, but it is women who more often raise the question of what to do with the envy of a friend, and whether to continue the relationship if there is one. Indeed, being jealous, it is difficult to be friends, and to the one who is jealous of the one who, therefore, it makes sense to deal with envy, until important relationships are lost.

Analyze your relationship for the presence of unifying moments, remember your expectations from communication and how you usually spend time (or about what you call up). If these are similar views of the world, sincere interest, fun time together and mutual assistance, then everything is fine. If you notice that you began to communicate more in order to compare which of you is better, and conversations instead of spiritual ones begin to resemble a report on the work done, then it is difficult to talk about friendship, rather you are stimulating factors for each other, and this is not always bad, how else to make yourself move forward.

Friendship based on an envious feeling can be stopped, left for profitable purposes (then it is better to rename the relationship to "useful acquaintance") or rebuild the system of your interaction. If everything is simpler with the first two, then the last point will have to be worked on: remove narratives of a bragging character, and you need to stop them from both sides, controlling your own statements and revelations from your friend. It rarely happens that the division with the achieved success, for the sake of feeling superior, did not take on the character of a competition, therefore stop similar stories from your side, and on such topics from a friend express sincere joy for it, note the positive moments of what happened, but do not begin to interrupt your successes. Tune in to the wave of acceptance, not rivalry, then with the success of your girlfriend, you can happily jump and clap your hands, instead of the image of a strained smile, choking with envy.

In addition to the restructuring of the communication style, you will have to make an effort to restructure your inner perception. You must do your own self-esteem, since it is precisely its decline or instability that makes you constantly compare yourself (and in any comparison you can find a reason for envy). It is worth spending more than one evening to “want” among all to find my true desires, filter out the fashionable aspirations and opinions of others from my priorities. This will help not to stick to other people's desires, not to want a repetition of a friend's life, because, in fact, you do not want the same house as hers, but the feeling of happiness that this house brought to her, which in your case may not work, but you be madly happy for a long trip. Accordingly, it is necessary to focus on the fulfillment of your desires, instead of comparing with others, to live the life that you invented yourself and try to make it as happy as possible.

A few more features that prevent the appearance of envious feelings are positive, self-sufficiency and the desire for self-development. The first helps to get high on the success of friends, and not to be upset. Self-sufficiency saves you from the competition and the need to comply with the norms of society, and therefore, eliminates the desire for false goals. The desire for self-development helps to transform any difficulty into experience or a springboard to new achievements, so if you try to look for ways of development in everything, then envy can be used as a constructive activity guide. If you are jealous of any skills of your girlfriend, for example, her ability to choose clothes, ask to teach you or walk along with new clothes in the closet together - and there will be no envy, and develop this skill in yourself.

The same applies to the envy of her relationships with her family or with friends, and perhaps the presence of such - take a closer look at how your girlfriend behaves with different people, what she shows and what she hides, what helps to avoid conflicts and attract people to her warmth perceive a girlfriend not as a competitor, but as a teacher, without necessarily asking for advice directly, you can learn a lot by observing. And some questions you can solve by putting your own efforts, usually it concerns the material sphere: when she eats envy of how enthusiastic a friend talks about her work, and you hate yours, it may make sense to change the scope of activities, and sent an example of a girlfriend’s success for you to notice how you can work while enjoying. Likewise with a lack of finances - perhaps you value yourself low and require little or spend a lot in emptiness, in such situations only analyzing and correcting your own situation will help to stop envy, and thank for an inspiring example instead.

How to stop envy beautiful girls

An envious feeling is born from evaluating oneself and one’s success by comparing with others. It is those people who could not form self-sufficient and internal criteria of their own perception and, evaluating, begin to focus in the correctness and success of their activities on the opinions of others, and in evaluating their appearance on the opinions of society, conditional fashion standards dictated by the podium or mass culture. Lack of opinion and subordination to external regulators completely deprives a person of the ability to evaluate something as suitable or not suitable for him, and since such a tendency develops since childhood, the feeling of envy becomes habitual on the one hand, and poorly tolerated on the other. It is impossible to fully comply with the standards introduced from the outside, there will always be more matching standards that cause envy in a person with a stray coordinate system.

These constant comparisons lead to the fact that they affect even the immediate environment, and instead of admiring and rejoicing that friends have, the usual envy is turned on, like a mixed desire and impossibility to get the same. And if with activity achievements and personal qualities one can still do something, work, develop, change, then appearance is more difficult to adjust, this is what is inherent in us initially and is the base, namely, the basic levels change the hardest. At the same time, appearance for a woman is one of the most significant factors of self-perception, holding not only self-esteem, but the entire personality structure. This is where the envy of the beautiful appearance of the girlfriends takes its roots.

As with other types of envy, the first thing to stop doing is to compare yourself with your girlfriend, your appearance with someone's, leg length and curly hair. Instead, you should look for your own attractive points, the raisins that make you unusual. They remember not an image that fully corresponds to the picture, but an individuality, so take a closer look, which is exactly what your lifestyle reflects. Не стоит пытаться копировать стиль одежды, прическу и макияж подруги, становясь ее клоном - красиво все равно не получится, а вот выглядеть несуразной копией, потерявшей свою личность, вы точно будете. Кроме того, помните, что примеряя на себя внешний образ подруги, вы примеряете и ее жизнь - если она яркая и заметная, то вам придется вместе с этим учиться осаживать назойливых и хамоватых ухажеров, мириться с тем, что многие мужчины считают вас недоступной, а остальные наоборот пытаются купить.If it comes to the parameters of the figure, the quality of the skin and hair, then it’s better to take a friend not as a hated rival, but as a teacher and a person who knows how to achieve the desired.

Ask her to share the phone of the beautician or together to arrange an evening of personal care, ask about her workout or diet. It is unlikely that someone will be a great secret from this, most likely she will be very happy to share tips and useful contacts and the name of vitamins and masks - people are pleased to do good to someone, and you, instead of destroying relationships, eat up envy, instead their new collaborative topics or activities.

Most likely, the beautiful appearance of your girlfriend did not fall to her from the sky, because you need to be able to show any beauty, so you can transform your image with her, using her taste and ability to emphasize virtues. Listen to her advice about your style, go shopping together, relax and try to change in the direction that a person who likes your appearance advises you, instead of copying or getting angry.