Psychology and Psychiatry

How to understand you love a person

How to understand you love a person? Before you figure out how to understand whether you love a person or not, you should decide on the concept of love in your personal system of perception, a place reserved for it, effective and verbal manifestations, or perhaps only sensual self-perceptions. Love can be confused with passion, affection, dependence, habit, a way to resolve psychological problems, and even with the consequences of complexes and psychotrauma received in a lifetime. The desire to be constantly close, to smell and touch the object of sympathy may be the beginning of love, and may remain at this level, dictated by passion and pheromones.

The desire to please a person, make his life easier, help, make him smile may indicate the presence of love. Here one can also include sincere feelings for the fate of a person — if you are indifferent to his successes or failures, or only one of these aspects is of interest, then one can hardly speak of a sincere interest in his fate. Remember that these signs separately can not indicate a feeling of love, they can characterize both friendship and warm attitude and a sense of duty - only a combination of many factors can say that it is love.

How to understand you love a person or is this affection

Love is impossible without trust, and such a requirement is not only due to wishes, but also by an evolutionary course, when families began to be created, and not temporary alliances for coition and procreation, a sense of trust became one of the priority qualities and self-feelings. A similar model is characteristic of the present tense - no matter how captured the passion is, everything that shines to a couple that has developed on the basis of physical cravings is a great joint intimate, without love and the future, but if there is a feeling of trust in your life to this person, then love is here closer and longer, and the quality of the relationship improves.

Just as trust is present, i.e. the ability to completely entrust your life into the hands of a loved one, also a component of self-sacrifice must be present. A vivid example is given to the maternal instinct, which is the most vivid manifestation of self-sacrifice for the sake of a beloved being. Naturally, in a pair of adults, such relationships will indicate some kind of pain, but here are the elements. It is impossible to talk about the presence of love, if there is a need only to receive from a person, to go into difficult moments for a partner and to observe only their own interests.

The emergence of the question of what you are experiencing, indicates dissatisfaction with the relationship, regardless of the answer. Such thoughts creep in, if you begin to use a comparison of your relationships with those of your acquaintances or in the parental family, with the heroes of films or about your youthful dreams, and perhaps even with what the same relationship looked like at the beginning. The similarity of all these moments is the same: separation from reality and inapplicability to a specific person and specific relationships. To understand it, you will have to think about what you personally put into the concept of love and on the basis of this, find the points that you lack in real relationships. It often happens that one doesn’t have to dig deep between attachment and love, and everything is easily solved by a direct and honest conversation with a partner about things that are suitable or not satisfactory.

There are two views on the distinction of love and affection - the perception of concepts as synonymous (after all, we really become attached to our loved ones and can begin to love as a result of affection), while others separate these categories to different poles, considering one as a manifestation of sincerity and freedom, and another as pretense and dependence. Indeed, affection can look like love outwardly - a person expresses so much empathy and care, attention is given and a privileged position is given with the only difference being that this is done through an effort, forcedly, with an understanding of specific losses, if these actions are not performed.

Attachment often develops into dependence and if we perceive what is happening through such a prism, then they begin to draw signs of the difference between love and affection - pain, tension, fear. Fear is created by the possibility of losing a person (his significance may be due to material benefits or psychological comfort), which entails serious frustrating processes for the life of another, and consequently gives rise to resistance and constant sensitivity. In an effort to avoid loss, a person becomes constantly tense in order to guess the need of another in time or to contain the manifestation of his emotions. All this is done to avoid the pain of parting, which is constantly seen on the horizon and scares. Something like this will look like attachment, whereas in love there is no pain, even when parting, the person wants the very best and accepts his choice to go on on his own. And if the killing pain of loss does not threaten, then there is no fear of parting, the tension disappears. A person is happy and relaxed, can be anyone, and takes care and attention from his own need and desire, enjoying the process. This all does not mean that attachments take on an extremely bad shape, we all build many relationships on the feeling of affection, but while they are in a soft and free mode, this is acceptable and normal (such relationships can arise between colleagues when they are used to each other , but the world will not collapse if someone changes jobs).

Attachment is always characterized by the presence of benefits (material, housing, psychological, social), love is more self-sufficient and relationships are present just like that, for the sake of pleasure, and not because of the relief to pay a mortgage or get rid of the pressure of grandmothers to arrange a personal life.

How to understand if your loved one loves you

If it is best to approach and ask all questions relating to a person, as far as sympathies are concerned, this method may not work, because out of embarrassment you may be told that they do not love, and out of a desire not to offend you, they love. However, there are several indirect signs, if doubts remain in the pronounced or not pronounced confession. Significantly eloquent always are actions that betray the attitude of a person. If you notice that you are cared for, always remember significant events or plans for you, help or try to please, then this is definitely about sincere sympathy. But in the assessment of actions, make allowances for how the world perceives a loved one, it is likely that he will not show his signs of attention in the way you would (if in your case these are permanent text messages, then he may not write, taking care so as not to disturb you).

Perhaps the most important sign of serious love is building joint plans. When your relationship is long, then plans should be great, about a common home and children, and plans for the initial stage are good for weekends and holidays. If this does not happen, then the conversation can be initiated independently, since the person is afraid to scare you with his serious mood (after all, many girls believed in journal articles and simply did not talk about plans for the purpose of not scaring the loved one).

The fact that you were introduced to a circle of your friends, and possibly relatives, indicates a serious positioning of your relationship, and when you are presented to your new acquaintance as your soul mate, this is love. If you notice that he is suspended in public, and you are neutral, then either you have chosen an extremely secretive and stern man, or he is not defined in feelings.

I want to share with my beloved, and this should include not only material, but also friends and time, experience tips and mood. The desire to share with you your joyful part in your life speaks of love, but the separation of spheres with a clear definition without the desire to unite shows the unreadiness of a person to open up.

In order to express love, it is not necessary to pronounce this word, but such an attitude should be felt, and if you have doubts crept in, then try to talk for purity.

How to understand whether you love a person or not after parting

Emotional state after a break can be very unstable, when you want to kill someone with whom romantic feelings were connected and nostalgia rolls around so that you want to return. Here it is worthwhile to deal with the question of how to understand whether you love a person or not after parting, because it is possible that it is attachment or empty emptiness and the main thing here is not to confuse such things with the loss of love.

To understand yourself you need to isolate yourself from the influence of the opinions of those around you, who can both engage in public relations of a rare villain, and denigrate a truly loved one. You can prohibit talking about your former relationship and report any information about the present state of affairs of a person, and if the requests do not help, temporarily stop communicating with those who are trying to influence your perception. Listen to how easy it is for you to live every day yourself, how often you remember the former, open the photos and take a look at it from an intimate point of view, because you can react to the changed life (that no one rattles a coffee maker or by the fact that previously you did not have to carry food from store). Look back and see if there are any between you, love can often be confused with the need for his apologies or atonement for his own feelings of guilt. Also imagine the future, the general old age and appreciate the feelings from such a picture - if it’s warm and comfortable, then you can talk about love, if it's cold, nasty or not, then there is nothing, even if it caused vigorous activity and the desire to be there, then check - Do you like the family picture or this person in it?

It is good to analyze his motives and if it seems to you that after parting feelings are alive, think about the absence of reconciliation or steps in your direction from the former. Usually, if love is sincere, then it is mutual and they both regret parting. Getting rid of the false idea will help get rid of the fear of loneliness - imagine in as much detail as possible that you are in excellent relations, where you are appreciated and you are happy, and through this state assess your feelings for the former. If, while in a relationship, you do not remember the past love, then it was a veiled fear of loneliness, but if you are thinking, then it makes sense to suspend the current relationship until you fully understand yourself.

Feelings to the former are normal, it is important, when they occur, to keep in mind a complete picture of what is happening, with all its flaws, all your dissatisfaction and share. You can love how he hugged you, through a dream and hate the rest of the time, you can miss the joint walks in the park and enjoy the silence in the apartment in the evening - then it's about very specific things you need, without all the undesirable list. But if there is an understanding that this person is needed and his shortcomings are complementary to yours, then this is love that you can still return if you quickly become aware and do not wait for the feelings to leave.