Psychology and Psychiatry

How to change your character

How to change your character? A person does not think about whether it is possible to change his character in moments of joy and contentment with life. This usually happens when he is once again confronted with his own undesirable reactions that violate the priority course of events, or they start thinking about changes due to frequent comments from others in favor of development. self or convenience of the immediate environment. However, we change our character only as a result of a new experience gained or with the use of enormous volitional efforts. In addition, the requirement to change its characterological features, without specifying the details, requiring changes and in which direction, can give an absolutely unexpected result due to the fact that the world perception of different people is very different. So, asking your friend to improve your character, you can assume to add strong features and perseverance, while he will think about bringing tolerance and even more gentleness.

Can a person change his character?

For some time it was thought that it was impossible to change the character, because it is congenital, but the genetic conditionality of the traits is less than ten percent of the entire set of characterological manifestations. What cannot be changed is temperament, since it directly reflects the strength and organization of the nervous system, which are exclusively biologically determined indicators. For the most part, character is shaped and changed by interests, which are also not static over the course of life (in childhood, completely different types of activity cause preference than in adulthood, and the character changes accordingly).

The next factor that makes up character is the social circle, namely those with whom we spend most of the time or those who have greater emotional significance for us, influence our reactions and their changes, preferences in time spent and tastes. But these are factors that can be influenced by a person, through which he can change his characterological features, though not all, but there are also factors beyond the influence (at least in childhood, at the stage of personality formation) - the environment (these include not so much geographical data, how much the mentality and its features affecting the formation of values ​​and interests) and upbringing (parents and the school, by example or interaction models, inculcate or destroy certain features, which form the warehouse of a).

The question of self-character change, also in the chosen direction, equally deserves two opposite answers: yes, it is possible, because character is not a static indicator laid down genetically, and no, it is impossible, because we change character not under the influence of conscious factors, but in the presence of need, corresponding to changes in the internal or external environment. But, nevertheless, people are trying to change their character, guided by willpower, and face failure, because the motivation for such serious personal changes is not enough for anyone. You usually want to become a little different under the influence of a temporary impulse (thrown in by your beloved, nakhamil chief, etc.), and when life returns to normal, the desire to change also disappears. This indicates a lack of motivation or willpower, constraints or hidden needs, because in reality the character is subject to change. Developing from habits and typical ways of reacting and thinking, succumbing to the influence of the surrounding society, education and activities, the character changes as these indicators change.

The character changes independently with age (under the influence of life experience), depending on the situation (the most modest demure when approaching danger will begin to act actively and attract attention) and the environment (in different countries and with different people we show our various features). And if a change in character is to understand a person’s ability to react in a necessary situation in a different way, different from his usual one, then such changes are possible, and are easily made by each of us, except in cases of pathological personality changes.

If the question is raised, is it possible to change the character, as a systemic, and not situational, quality and to change one’s response not only in a specific situation, but to change the whole style of life, then such transformations are rather difficult. This does not deny the possibility for everyone, but the real facts of a complete change in the style of life reaction happened quite rarely, since it requires redrawing the entire internal structure of a person.

Character is a set of habits not only materialistic and domestic plan, but also ways of responding, respectively, the greater the number of habits a person is able to change, the greater the character changes available to him. The ability for such changes is lost over the years, so at a young age it is so easy to get used to new people and new places, and in the elderly it is difficult to interact in unusual forms, since it is difficult to change their usual stereotypical reactions. Characteristic lability can be an innate quality, so someone will unconsciously change and adapt to the conditions, remaining flexible and adaptive all their life (these people do not have problems changing their character), and someone carries their beliefs throughout their lives and various events without moving from the spot in their moral concepts.

Change of character, as a way of interacting with reality, remains possible and not always difficult event, but requiring awareness. Understanding why you need to change (for the sake of qualitative changes in your life or for the convenience of others, expressing dissatisfaction with your complex character), adequate self-perception (assessment of the degree of development and the presence of certain qualities) and goal setting (in which direction to change and to what degree of ) help to choose the right ways to achieve and not abandon the venture in half.

How to change your character for the better

Under changes for the better, different people may mean opposite things - some lack rigidity, some have tolerance, someone tries to learn to listen to others, and it’s important to learn to refuse others. Therefore, before embarking on a change in one’s character, one has to analyze the qualities already existing, criticize the need for their changes. You can make lists of your strengths and weaknesses, and then make such lists from the point of view of the people around you. Only after analyzing the situation, you can be taken for changes, because it can emerge that what is disliked by your employees actually makes you an effective employee and does not allow them to throw off work for you or what you consider to be certain, hurts all your loved ones.

Literature and films, thematic meetings and psychological counseling can help in analyzing your personality - at all such events you get the opportunity to think, analyze the behavior of other people, take something as an example or see the consequences of similar tactics of behavior. Deep works not only make you look at the world differently, but also lay down the experience of another interaction in our inner world, if there are quite a lot of such behavioral variations in the inner picture of the world and besides, they all are internalized, then the freedom to choose one’s character will be yours present an easy process.

The analysis should form two images - you at the moment and you in the future. Regarding the first, it’s worth stopping deceiving and justifying yourself, but honestly acknowledging the existence of those qualities that exist ("I often break anger at my neighbors, but I give generous gifts" restate it "I often break into neighbors, this is a fact, I am capable of generosity , this is also a fact "). Regarding the desired image - it is worthwhile to find people or characters on whom in this matter you can equal. Look closely at people whose character you like, whether all the features suit you, whether you like the way of life that they lead and other details. After careful study, it may turn out that only one trait likes everything, and the entire accompanying lifestyle does not critically suit you, then it is worth reconsidering where you are going.

When choosing examples of character, be guided by your own feelings, because the list of qualities of the best or worst does not exist - what makes your life happier and more successful, fuller, more successful, is your personal improvement, even if others consider it negative. Just as praising certain approaches and attitudes will not necessarily be an improvement in your character, if after this you become more nervous, more tired and establish insincere relationships. The first thing that is useful on the way to any changes is the strengthening of self-control. It is important to move from a familiar model of response and interaction to a new one - take a pause to think about your reaction, then the action in your new or previous key will be your choice, which means that this behavior corresponds to the situation or you have left this line. Hot temper with such pauses can be replaced with ironic remarks, quick consent to help to the detriment of oneself to polite refusals.

If a person himself does not notice the harm done by his character to others, existing relationships and his life as a whole, then acquaintances and friends can help, forcing him to think about what is happening with his questions - it is important to ask questions about the motivation of the action, rather than demand changes in the ultimatum. If a person is not influenced, then the help of a psychotherapist may be necessary, since the complex nature often hides the trauma of the individual and without proper study of the sick moments the changes are unsafe. The help of specialists is necessary and when the changes have become pathological and it is necessary to correct at least the affective sphere by medication.

How to change your character to tougher

One of the misconceptions about desired character adjustments is that changes for the better are perceived as an increase in tolerance and tolerance, loyalty and gentleness. But the problem is that such characters are very comfortable for others, representing a problem for the person himself. Self-sacrifice is considered better than selfishness, but people with such a warehouse take on too many other people's problems, forgetting about their own needs, which results in a lack of energy to solve their own issues.

If your life is less than you, and your thoughts are constantly busy solving other people's problems, then you should add a share of rigidity to your character. Look closely at people or characters who are able to be tough, but who remain kind and fair, watch how they act in difficult situations, what they are guided by when making choices. Among your friends, as well as book heroes, there will definitely be those who can borrow a couple of techniques for upholding their position with the correct methods. Basically it comes down to the ability to refuse, without guilt, setting priorities in such a way that your life and moral well-being does not suffer. Many people continue to eat up all your time, because you yourself did not give it enough value, if you make it clear that your weekend is devoted to rest, and you will not exchange your evening for work and good attitude of colleagues, then respect for you will begin to manifest itself and the number of requests interfering with life will decrease.

Learn to express your opinion, not to tune it for a higher, significant person or majority, but to voice exactly your own point of view, which you may have to defend. Make independent decisions and take responsibility for them, accept criticism, but do not let it change your opinion instantly. The development of manifestations of your individuality strengthens the character, trains personal responsibility and promotes the maturity of the individual. Just as you stop justifying yourself and pushing, that success, that failures on others, also cease to justify others. Of course, a tsunami can demolish your office, and hail can prevent you from arriving on time, but this cannot justify a month of inaction or the absence of a warning ring. Strictness to oneself and others, in details and large-scale events, is what adds rigidity. At first, this will require attention and will power, in order not to give relief, but over time you will get used to living according to new laws, where there is no descent not only for you but also for others, acquiring a new, more rigid character. If such manifestations are one-sided, then you will become either a tyrant or a perfectionist driven by their own responsibility. Only a clear separation and retention of the scope of your and someone else's responsibility will help to maintain a balance.