Psychology and Psychiatry

Attachment to man

Attachment to a person is a feeling that arises from strong sympathy or love and devotion to a certain person, and is accompanied by intimacy and a desire to maintain it. However, such a state of affairs is not always positive, since strong attachment to a person is capable of replacing love with itself or arising even without its presence, and then this stickiness acts as a painful dependence and pathology of personality development.

What is attachment

The mechanism of development of attachment initially determines the survival of man, because without the help of adults, the human cub is not capable of survival. In order to maintain these relations and ensure proper living conditions for oneself, an attachment to parental figures is formed, ensuring physical survival, emotional development, and cognition of this world. Further, more and more plunging into society, attachments to caregivers are formed (if he visits the garden), and then to other adults, then children. Formation of such attachments to the closest to the environment can be safe when there is an emotional connection, the parent listens to the needs of the child and an environment is formed that promotes confidence and adaptability in the formation of personality).

But there are not so pleasant options for development, one of which is avoiding, and occurs if there is an emotional neglect on the parent's side to the needs of the child, and the behavior and accessibility of the parent is unpredictable, then the child grows intrusive, focused on external evaluation and devalues ​​close relationships. The most destructive form of the emergence of primary attachment is disorganizing, when the child is constantly suppressed or intimidated, which leads to aggressiveness or inaction, great difficulty in establishing contacts.

It has been revealed that people who had difficulties in forming attachment are no longer capable of establishing open relationships, they do not form heart attachment, which indicates violations of social adaptation and can lead to antisocial behavior.

The feeling of affection accompanies each person, expresses to places, objects, food and people, a certain course of events and specific relationships - everything a person gets used to and that brings him joy can be called affection, but it is different from love and need. You can live without bindings, but with them it is cozier, happier, not so scary (depending on what the attachment is and on the basis of what emotions it has formed, it also complements such feelings), it is either impossible to live without the needs, or it is difficult on health and overall tone.

Attachment to people can be in all types of relationships - love, friendship, parenting, and in any of the options at the base lies the desire for intimacy with the object of one's sympathy. Some of these bindings have a rather strong influence on the further formation of personality. So, depending on how attachment with the mother is formed, relations with the whole society will be formed, basic trust will be present or absent, and also certain patterns of behavior will be laid. The way the first heart attachment is formed affects the entire further perception of interdisciplinary relationships, scenarios played by a person, and the ability to open and trust. If traumatization occurs on these two levels, then the consequences are reflected on the whole person, and to avoid the destructive influence on the further course of life of not only the person himself, but the people he meets, it often becomes possible only with the help of a psychotherapist.

Strong attachment to a person, which acquires pathological characteristics is called addiction and usually arises when there are already violations in the sphere of attachment formation, or in the presence of facts of emotional or physical abuse.

Healthy attachment is distinguished by flexibility, the absence of any benefit, and the absence of painful and negative sensations in the absence of an object of attachment. Those. a person is able to calmly experience separation, endure the uncertainty of the location and occupation of the person to whom he is attached, and the option of ending this connection causes sadness, but not a critical level of fear, pain, and sensations of the meaninglessness of life.

With a healthy attachment, there is a flexible adaptation of the personality, which allows both participants to communicate freely breathing, giving resources and relying on other areas of their lives. With painful dependence, such flexibility is lost, and the world is narrowed to one person, the variability of behavior disappears, it becomes extremely important to constantly be near or control the object of sympathy, while other areas of life, and both partners, are significantly affected. An important marker of painful communication is the feeling of pain, fear and manic desire to prevent separation by any means, even if the connection does not bring happiness, even if the partner wants to leave.

Attachment does not occur simultaneously, for its formation time is needed, therefore, the more you communicate with a person, and the more emotional interaction and significant events for the spiritual life arise in this communication, the more likely the attachment will occur. For superstrong binding, the intensity of passions is characteristic, often making it similar to love, but the difference is that the painful attachment binds you, while love liberates. In order not to lose their freedom, many try to avoid attachment and close relationships, thereby falling into a counter-dependent position, where freedom is also absent, since there is only one choice - not to become attached.

Attachment to a person is good or bad?

Attachment simultaneously affects several areas of human manifestation - feelings, thoughts, actions, and self-perception. For such a multifaceted concept, there can be no one answer in its assessment on the part of good and evil. Without attachment to another person it is not possible to form social intercourse, adaptability in society and ensure one’s spiritual comfort. If there is no attachment to parents, the whole course of personality development is disturbed, just as if there are violations of the formation of attachment at other important stages. Being a social being, the ability to maintain contacts, the desire for rapprochement are indicators of the mental integrity of a person.

Attachment to another gives you a sense of support and security, so you can get the necessary support if internal resources are not enough. People are tied to those from whom they can receive approval and help, non-judgmental acceptance, and satisfaction of existing needs. And ensuring good relations with the environment, which is important for successful survival in the world, affection reflects a somewhat childish model of interaction with the world. If you look at all expectations from the object of attachment, then they are addressed to the parental figure, on which the child, one way or another, is dependent. In adulthood, any attachment carries a certain amount of dependence, and only a person’s level of maturity can regulate the negative consequences of this. If the autonomous psychic regulation is not formed, then any binding will quickly develop into a dependency, and instead of receiving support, the need for control will flare up; instead of traction, mentally and have a good time together, with the benefit and emotionally resourceful for both, the fear of loss and desire to chain the other will appear beside.

The topic of dependence is about the loss of flexibility in attachment, the deprivation of freedom of both the person himself and the person to whom he is attached is similar to drug addiction. The analogy with drug addiction is the most successful, because in the long absence of another person (a subjectively long absence may seem a day), when it is not possible to find out the location of an object and receive a dose of attention from it (for example, when the entire mobile operator’s network is turned off) breaking. Emotional pain from the loss or possibility of losing an object is felt physically and does not allow it to fully exist.

If you can not slip into the infantile position of addiction, then attachment takes on an adult and mature form of its existence, manifesting itself as love, where there is a complete observation of all aspects of your life, tearing pain does not occur when an object is removed, and the object of attachment itself is used not only for getting something emotionally valuable for yourself, and more for energy exchange and caring for something else. Thus, everything depends on the maturity of the individual and the degree of flexibility of the given feeling.

How to get rid of attachment to man

Usually attachment is formed when you receive your need from another, most often it is internal strength, calmness or cheerfulness. So it is worth learning how to develop these states independently, becoming for yourself an autonomous station of emotions. Excellent help meditation, sports, yoga, various spiritual practices and psychological groups. Create your own sources of happiness everywhere, because expecting joy only from the presence of one person, you yourself form a toxic peg, drive yourself to a dead end. Sitting in four walls in the spleen, waiting for your half to be released, and only then allow yourself happiness - this is the right way to addiction and destroy your relationship.

It makes sense to get rid of attachment when it starts to destroy your life and it’s worth starting with the return of the lost. Usually, the first thing that fade into the background, giving place to a person, is favorite things and activities, so remember what brought you joy or better look again for classes that you could do while plunging into the process. In addition to interesting activities, start expanding your social circle - call old friends you have forgotten about, plunging into your affection, go to an event and meet new people. Expand your social circle, then the emotional buns that you receive only in those relationships can be received from everywhere, and most likely more easily and positively.

Attachment to a person remains a psychological problem, so if you feel craving for your object, think about what is missing right now (other people can give you a sense of security; Usually, with such an analysis, some kind of emptiness looms, only you can fill it, be it boredom or uncertainty, because, don’t shut up your own holes with others, they don’t disappear.