Humiliation is most often purposeful behavior of a person, leading to a decrease in the level of value, significance and positive self-perception of another person. This can be accomplished with a fully realized goal or as a result of attempts to assert oneself at the expense of another. Humiliation can be a destructive form of education, and can manifest itself as a personality trait acquiring significant characterological influence.
For many, the actual question is how to survive humiliation, since it is often a psychological trauma and a starting point for the development of pathological psychological states. The experienced humiliation is capable of changing a person’s behavior, forcing him to over-reinsure and expect a blow according to his own self-conceit. The most destructive effect on their power is humiliation in childhood, and it influences the formation of the subsequent perception of reality and ways of contacting it.
Children, often subject to humiliation, can grow up as insecure and notorious individuals, who are afraid to take up any business, consider themselves unworthy of love, support, rewards. But development according to the principle of counteraction can happen and then such a child, becoming an adult, begins to apply a demeaning strategy of behavior to everyone around him, there are no limits and exceptions for it, since this is the norm for his picture of the world. Years of therapy are needed to return an adequate response to the world after a difficult, complete humiliation of childhood.
What is humiliation?
Humiliation is on the other side of arrogance, and the more arrogant a person is, the more he is inclined to humiliate others. The desire to show oneself in a favorable light knows no bounds, and if this requires blackening of others, this will be done.
The feeling of humiliation serves as a kind of regulator of social relationships. When humiliating the other, the society or a particular person gives a message about the shortcomings and non-compliance with the expectations.
Humiliation of a woman by a man is perceived so painfully in particular because it is almost a direct text about her incompatibility with his ideas. The need for a modern person in social acceptance is almost equivalent to the survival instinct, therefore any humiliation on the part of society is perceived as a personal threat to existence.
If a person has a very high opinion of himself, considers himself everywhere right, then a clash with his own inconsistency and humiliation for him can be a fatal test. It is because of the great difference between social perception and one’s own that the whole personal structure and perception of the world as such can collapse. People who assess themselves adequately and critically, with humor to their own shortcomings, almost not subject to humiliation.
Humiliation can also be divided by its source of origin. So, other people can humiliate, specifically reducing the merits of a person, showing how much better and more successful they are. This is a deliberate humiliation, purposeful and being a factor of influence from the outside. But internal prerequisites of self-humiliation are also possible, when a person perceives the successes of others as his own inconsistency, when he himself deliberately diminishes his contribution or success. For such a disposition of character, in order to feel humiliation, no external factors are needed, the person copes himself. If such a trait is not developed, then even the special impact of others in trying to lower self-esteem may be unsuccessful.
Why a man humiliates a woman
The humiliation of a woman by a man happens quite often, many consider it the norm and they let it pass; someone desperately fights, but in order to counteract such a phenomenon, it is necessary to understand the reasons for its occurrence.
One of the reasons for such male behavior can be an unconscious response to female humiliation, screams, insults or claims. Negative statements very strongly affect the male psyche and immediately start defensive mechanisms in it. Sometimes it can be care in a dull defense and silence all evening, and sometimes the degree of the situation is so elevated that the man immediately turns into a retaliatory offensive.
Another unconscious motive for humiliation may be the desire to be right in everything and to achieve agreement by any means. If the logical arguments for a woman are not significant, and the authority of a man is questioned, then the last means to achieve his rightness and satisfaction of desire is the humiliation of a woman, to demonstrate his own strength and significance.
This behavior may be the usual line of behavior that a man learned from his childhood, watching his father constantly humiliate his mother. A man who grew up in such a family simply does not know how to deal otherwise with a woman. It can also be a way to end a relationship, when the courage to stop everything is openly lacking, and the man chooses to make the relationship intolerable for the woman so that she leaves him.
But always in the manifestation of degrading behavior is guilty only a man, whether his actions are conscious or not. If one day a degrading phrase slipped through his relationship, and instead of repelling, expressing discontent and other signs and the fact that it was so unacceptable, the woman bent, did what she wanted and kept silent about her own negative feelings, then the conclusion would be made that it could be so. A man does not guess about internal experiences, especially if a woman continues to be silent from time to time and wait for him to understand. In such a behavior, he sees only that such an appeal has the effect of fulfilling what is necessary. Learning after a long period of time about the inadmissibility of such treatment, the man is extremely surprised at why it was impossible to report earlier.
It can also be displaced by the need for power, which cannot be obtained at work or by a way to relieve the nervous tension received during the day. Such a need is compensated for at home, commanding a woman, putting herself above her.
Some men deliberately destroy the self-esteem of women with humiliation and even build special tactics for this. This is done all of the fear of losing a woman, from the fact that she is stronger in character or from her own inconsistency. In any case, a man is humiliated against a woman who is spiritually weak and incapable of open and honest dialogue, frank relationship building and with profound psychological problems.
How to revenge a husband for insults and humiliation
When a woman thinks about how to survive the humiliation, the thought that only revenge will help to feel relief. For any desire to revenge lies lost energy and a thirst for justice, but it may turn out that in any case forgiveness will come. First of all, it is necessary to honestly answer yourself what exactly you want. If you return the time spent or make it so that he understood how wrong he was - then revenge is impotent in these cases, it only inflames your emotions. You need to find something that soothes your soul and fills it. Perhaps this will be enough for a man to apologize - then you do not need to scratch his car, but to say directly and honestly about his own feelings and offenses, as well as the need for his apologies. There will be more calm after this, but this step requires much more courage than to foul anonymously.
Before developing a plan for any revenge, you need to take care of your own safety and eliminate the negative impact of the steps taken on your own career, communication with friends and your own emotional state. If the first two points can be more or less calculated and secured, then one's own psyche can fail. The fact is that revenge spends as much energy resources as it does on aid, self-healing. While there is a thirst for revenge, a tremendous amount of energy is given, and after retribution, a feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction can dwell. Worse, many sit down on the adrenaline jolt that happens to the body during the design and implementation of a plan for revenge. In such situations, from the suffering of another, their own attitude does not improve. This is comparable to the adoption of alcohol to warm in the cold - at first there is a feeling of warmth, but as a result, the body freezes many times faster.
One of the ways to get revenge and not greatly disturb your emotional balance is to start communicating with men who behave differently. Not to make romantic intrigues, but simply to receive attention signs, to thank loudly and in expanded form for the help and courteous attitude provided. When the husband watches his woman bloom alongside others, he will begin to track exactly what kind of action this reaction is going on, and the feeling of jealousy hurts him because of his pride. The option is optimal, because you not only revenge, but also show your spouse possible solutions. In addition, fueling your self-esteem.
Any humiliation is aimed at manipulating and reducing self-esteem, and the best revenge will disrupt such plans, that is, you need to organize your life to be as happy, successful and independent as possible from the attacks and harsh statements of the husband. If he resorts to humiliation, it means that other methods have ended, and the ineffectiveness of such a method will make him fight hysterically. Many after this end the relationship, unable to recognize the right of others to his choice and happiness, but there are those who are aware of the limits of their capabilities and go to an open dialogue.
Why wife humiliates husband
In many ways, the reasons why women humiliate their husbands are the same as men's. This primarily includes the system of relations in the parental family and an absorbed upbringing style. Perhaps, if not in a family tradition, but in further public places (school, institute, work) a woman has been subjected to frequent humiliation, then she will spread this style of communication and carry it further in her life.
Many, therefore, get emotionally relaxed, shed their excess tension, or receive the missing attention. After the defeat at work, a woman may well react too much to her husband’s faults. Doubts and lowering their self-esteem can also be perceived rather painfully and require drastic measures of recovery. And if at this moment there are no suitable conditions for pampering and appreciating yourself, raising your level, then this is achieved by lowering the level of the other. To carry out such manipulations with unfamiliar people can be dangerous, but with the closest opportunities are opening up. In justification, we can say that such trends work unconsciously and disappear with the correction of provocative factors.
From the conscious motives of the humiliation of the husband can be inherited the system of controlling communication. Many women believe that if a man is constantly praised, then he will relax and will not do anything, degrading personally and morally. In this case, humiliation is a perverse way of caring for and showing love and the desire for the spouse's every development. What results this has to predict is difficult. A person with adequate self-esteem and brought up in a prosperous family is unlikely to tolerate such treatment for a long time. And for someone who has been humiliated since childhood, it can become a familiar and native form of interaction, the only one that is understandable.
Also, a woman can humiliate a man if she is unhappy, angry, or gets little attention. That is, globally it is not he who is really bad, but she is so bad that I want to blame her husband for this. But humiliation can also occur when there is no longer any love, nor respect, nor the value of what he does for her husband. Usually this behavior is no longer possible to correct, and the marriage gradually dies.