Despotism is an acquired quality of a person, manifested in the pursuit of unlimited power, which is achieved without regard for the opinions and needs of others by demanding constant and complete obedience. Despotism is in psychology a manifestation of extremely unfavorable features of the ego, its excessive growth, which ultimately leads to the loss of reasonable control over their vital manifestations, and all actions are subject exclusively to the affective sphere.
Despotism in the family is manifested in the quality of psychological and physical violence, when all methods become relevant to achieve their own power. A despotic person lacks an understanding of the personal boundaries and freedoms of others, and those who are considered his family are perceived by them as property. Naturally, with such a perception, it is necessary for others to constantly fulfill the despot's will, as well as full compliance with his ideas about life, not only his own and joint, but also how the other person should behave and feel. Among the usual requirements may be such as a ban on tears and the need for constant joy. Such encroachments on the sensual sphere, which is not subject to control, indicate a lack of adequate perception.
Such behavior inevitably causes conflicts at various levels. The victims of the despot may try to explain or swear, in the course can go broken dishes and physical beatings. Those who finally feel their powerlessness, have silent resistance to silence, adjusting, which irreversibly violates the psyche of not only the victim, but also the tyrant himself.
Despotic behavior cannot stop on its own, and the less resistance is exerted, the more a person will feel like a demigod and will begin to demand the impossible as a due. It cannot be said that there are people who have never turned into despots, trying to get what they want from others, but those with whom this line of behavior acquires critical forms need the help of specialists. Uncontrolled violence against others, inadequate requirements and assessment of the situation are the main signs of the presence of mental disorders. At best, long-term psychotherapy will help to correct the situation; at worst, specialized medical therapy will be required.
What is despotism
Despotism is a behavior in psychology that includes such manifestations as imposing one’s will not with argumentation, but with force, manifestation of aggression, use of revenge, humiliation, physical and sexual violence, gas lacing. Usually, children's injuries, complexes and fears that a person is trying to overcome in such a destructive way and gain confidence and integrity become the causes of this behavior. The problem is that this strategy of behavior does not contribute to the establishment of harmonious relations, where it is possible to heal a person at deep levels.
The greater the amount of fears hidden inside the mind of a despot, the more sophisticated its control methods become and the more striving to control someone else’s freedom. Uncertainty and doubt in their own attractiveness hide behind aggressiveness, which does not even give others the opportunity to choose.
Despotism in the family does not give its members any choice even in their own respect, they are literally forced to love. Despotism often coexists with humiliation and vindictiveness, and, if the humiliation of others has more or less obvious tendencies, because thus a person begins to look better in his own eyes, then global revenge is born and causeless, aimed at everyone and for no reason. The deep meaning of such a vengeance lies in the restoration of undermined self-esteem and respect.
Despite the power position and the desire to respect and exalt yourself, despotism excludes cooperation and the respect of others. Over time, such an attitude, provoking constant quarrels and conflicts, destroys any meaningful and strong relationship, as well as the psyche of the participants in the contact. Instead of missing love and acceptance, a despot gets fear, hate, revenge, misunderstanding, hostility and ultimately loneliness.
Despotism manifests itself, as a personality trait in men and women, only has small external differences in the choice of methods. Initially, despotism may seem to be an exclusively male trait, just as when it comes to rape, everyone sees the woman as a victim. However, women are despotic in many respects, it just rarely takes the form of physical violence. Women are able to destroy a man with moral jealousy, blackmail, constant tantrums, threats of suicide, reproaches and humiliation of his dignity. The arsenal of moral torture is wider than physical, and the worst thing is that a despotic woman will not repent of the perfect, because its actions and words are guided not only by affect, but also by reason.
Despotism is also characteristic of older people and even children (the first manifestations of such trends are possible at the age of three years and are provoked by the onset of the crisis period).
Causes of Despotism
Despotism is not an innate trait and does not depend on the characteristics of the nervous system and other physiological factors, but the prerequisites for its formation are laid quite early. The opinion that despotism is inherited is due to the fact that, being educated by imperious parents who did not hear the child’s needs, but only demanded unquestioning obedience, the person learns this pattern of behavior as the norm. In childhood, this quality has no place to manifest itself, because children are weak, but as they grow up, gain physical strength and master moral methods of violence, manipulation and coercion, a person begins to implement a despotic form of interaction at all levels.
Subconsciously, despotism creates a desire for revenge for those who are hurt. One case is not enough for this, it is usually to be in a toxic relationship or to be brought up with similar methods. Insults, humiliations, cruel punishments of a child may entail the desire to punish not only parents but the whole world, for the fact that he was deaf and blind to his grief. But not only bad treatment can serve as a prerequisite for the development of despotism, as well as an excessive suggestion about the uniqueness, uniqueness of the child’s personality, its superiority over others. The opinion of the parents is very important and forms self-relation, having come out to the real world, such a person is under stress because not everyone worships him, and someone frankly makes fun of the shortcomings. In such situations, the path of forcing the surrounding society to think and perceive their own personality in the usual framework is chosen.
Confirming one's power for a despot becomes an obsessive neurotic idea that is not imbued with need, since the ways of its satisfaction are chosen inadequate. Psychological traumas should be carefully opened in safe conditions, learn to look at them without horror and pain, develop new ways of responding, recognizing such a story of your life. Attempts by the despot to receive love and recognition resemble the hammering of loose hair with a hammer - it is painful, useless, and requires tremendous effort.
Signs of Despotism
In a society where perceptions of violence and individual boundaries are violated, despotism can be perceived as a manifestation of character or even respected. People who have been traumatized by the dependent type in childhood, in adulthood, fall in love with despots and tyrants, again without noticing the gross violation of their freedom.
One of the characteristic signs of despotism is the perception of physical and psychological violence, as a norm of behavior and a way to adjust relationships. Such mechanisms are fundamental in interacting with the despot, he almost does not know how to ask, negotiate, seek compromises.
Any kind of violence is applied when the partner’s desires do not comply with the despot’s desires, and at first he can show his displeasure and allow another to correct, if this does not happen as soon as possible, then another is punished (a blow to the face or a week’s silence is not important). It is worth noting that the requirements for the behavior of a partner are often quite strange, and discontent will be caused by what is perceived by others as the norm. The fact is that anger causes any behavior or opinion that contains the individuality of another, and not his personal one.
Such behavior as gaslighting is often manifested when a despot convinces another that all the bad things are the fruit of his imagination. They can talk for a long time about the fact that ill-treatment was invented. And rudeness is perceived as such because of the unstable mental state of the victim of the despot herself. His influence and guilt is never recognized, on the contrary, another may be accused of manipulative hysterics, when in fact it is tears from pain. Humiliation and insults at others become the norm, and when trying to clarify a relationship, a person can be accused of lack of a sense of humor, explaining such statements with a joke. So that a person does not have doubts about the inadequacy of a partner, his social circle is limited, relatives and friends gradually disappear, who can share their opinions.
Usually despots try to completely destroy the self-esteem of another person in order to have even more levers for control. Although in the early stages of a relationship, they will chant the opposite. The mechanism is something like this: a person gets used to receive huge doses of compliments, so the first criticism will do everything to improve, then the criticism becomes greater, and the desire to correct the situation is stronger. As a result, you can find an idea from which it is very easy to manipulate the consciousness of another: "in fact, I am terrible, just the others do not notice this, and this great person knows everything about me and continues to be around."
It is important that the despot appropriates all victories to himself, and hangs up all the defeats on the partner, while others can be blamed even for their own troubles at work, a spoiled mood and stuck in a traffic jam. Attempts to appeal to an adequate perception of reality are useless.