Shyness is a periodic state of mind, caused by a combination of external factors and internal sense of self, manifested by behavioral reactions and is characteristic of both humans and animals. Shyness includes a whole set of traits, which together form this trait of character. These include tensions, fearfulness, uncertainty in the background of the lack of social and communication skills, a certain degree of embarrassment in social social interaction.
The reasons for shyness always lie in the desire to hide their true identity because of the fear of interaction, so a person is quite careful in his statements and manifestations. Because of this style of behavior, shyness is often taken for internal modesty, refinement, restraint, secularism of manners, but it is not an external reflection of the presence of these qualities, it is only a mask that looks the same way.
There are several categories of manifestation of shyness: external (when a person is afraid of manifesting in society, attaches supervaluable value to public opinion, subordinates his own thoughts and actions to those around him and fears their condemnation) and internal (when a person is embarrassed of himself before himself) shame, reduced self-esteem, lack of adequate self-perception and skills to cope with psychological problems).
Shyness is formed in the course of personal development at the earliest stages. This can serve as examples of parents and copying models of interaction with the world and reactions to it. Another moment that forms these reactions is the process of socialization, which was traumatic or impoverished, which was the lack of formation of the necessary social skills.
In addition to external, there are internal causes of shyness. Psychological factors include a serious intrapersonal conflict occurring at subconscious levels. An internal emotional storm arises, often caused by contradictory reactions or desires that are suppressed or the whole conflict is suppressed. At the same time, a person consciously chooses to follow the rules of society, which drown out his own needs - the level of tension increases, contact with society is harder to find. The shyness caused by such experiences is comparable to a pressurized steam boiler, which explodes after a certain level of pressure. In this case, the person is unlikely to be perceived as shy, and others will be shocked.
Shyness is also caused by a disturbance in the metabolism of neuromidiators in the brain and serves as a symptom of some psychological pathologies. This condition is associated with weakness of the nervous system, hyperthymic accentuation of the individual. When shyness is due to physiological factors, drug therapy is usually required. When constantly expressed, and not situational shyness psychotherapy is recommended.
What is shyness
Shyness is often viewed as a convenient and positive quality on the part of the governing social structures. For example, at school, it will be more convenient for a teacher to manipulate the behavior of a shy child than a self-confident tomboy. Exactly the same picture occurs at work and even in periodic companionship. But this quality is beneficial and useful only for people around who are looking for their own benefit in contact, shyness for a person is a direct path to artificially low self-esteem, increased anxiety and a depressive state. That is why caring parents are looking for ways to overcome the shyness of the child, and not how best to use it.
Shyness is not an innate quality, all children from birth loudly declare themselves, sincerely express desires and emotions.
Shyness is not a basic condition, but refers to the number of social emotions and, accordingly, develops at the age when social mechanisms of interaction are mastered (usually it occurs between the ages of three and seven years). On the one hand, parents' behavior and upbringing style have an important influence: the more a child gets straightened, they point out shortcomings, criticize the initiative, and the more likely a shyness will be formed. With this approach, outwardly oriented shyness is formed, when a person is ashamed of himself, his actions and thoughts in front of others.
In addition to the direct influence of the external parents, they influence by their example, when the child learns not what he was told, but what he sees. If the parents lead a secluded life, during social contacts they show shyness, then the child forms an internal position aimed at masking himself. In this context, we can talk about the inner orientation of shyness, shame in front of himself for himself.
Both options lead to inability to build social contacts, which is why relations with peers deteriorate and shyness is aggravated. It turns out a vicious circle, where in order to overcome shyness, it is necessary to show confidence, for which shyness must be overcome.
But also many children master this social mechanism, as well as many others from the standpoint of their own advantage. The more positive changes in the behavior of significant adults the child will receive, embarrassed, the more this personality quality will be fixed in its structure. Manipulation by adults is the only way for a child to influence the world, since direct confrontation is not yet available to him. If the child is embarrassed to take candy, the baby gets two, then the next time several times he refuses, not out of courtesy, but in order to get more, and so that adults would consider this to be their own decision. In many cases, the validity of shyness with low self-esteem does not stand up to any critic, since this line of conduct is largely regulated and if a person stops receiving benefits, then the way of interaction also changes.
The position of the victim, the unfortunate person, the diminution of their own capabilities always gives a benefit - they will regret such a person, do the work for him, give the most delicious piece. They will not make big demands or will give a disproportionately large reward for little effort.
Accordingly, before deciding to get rid of shyness or to deal with this quality in others, it is necessary to find out the formation of such a position. In cases of biological validity, the person will need support and assistance, and in the case of manipulative behavior, on the contrary, the presentation of full responsibility and a peremptory communication style.
How to get rid of shyness
If shyness is justified by psychological moments, then the first way to solve this problem will be the awareness of its presence and its own influence on the occurrence and development of this situation.
Shyness is a character trait that is not something invariable and permanent, as the temperament and strength of the nervous system is a special model of reaction, a habit that has become comfortable, a certain style of thinking. Just as a person reinforces the development of some kind of response, he can reduce his impact. To reduce the number of such manifestations, it is necessary to remember at what point it was decided about the benefits of this method of response. Most likely it was a reasonable situation in childhood, when only such a reaction could be successful, but now the personality has become more mature and the situation is different, respectively, new ways are needed.
How to get rid of shyness? To understand what is happening to you at the moment of constraint, you need to listen very delicately to yourself. To note what other feelings arise at this moment, what happens to the physical sensation (tension or tremor may appear), how quickly this feeling develops and in what situations. Perhaps, with this detailed analysis, you will have childhood memories of some situations, people, phrases, characteristics in your direction. All this is necessary to mark, then to be able to change.
Further, in order to change your own reactions, it is necessary to change at least one of the components of the usual response. That is, if in a familiar situation, when you become shy, your breathing becomes more frequent, you can consciously breathe as slowly and deeply as possible. If there is an unpleasant feeling in the chest, then you can mentally move it in your hands and shake it off. When critical voices come to mind, imagine what was said with cartoon voices. The more moments you can consciously change, the more excellent your final reaction will be.
In addition to working in an immediate situation, it is necessary to work with inner convictions regarding self-perception and inner sense of the situation. This even works on how to overcome the child’s shyness.
You can increase your self-esteem by sports and changing your image, you can enroll in a studio of like-minded people or ask specialists to highlight your strengths and attractive features. The more you develop, both physically and morally, the higher your positive self-perception. It is also important what kind of people you surround yourself with: the fewer reproaching and degrading personalities, the fewer reasons you have to constantly bend your head in embarrassment.
You can search in their coordinates the image of a person or a hero to whom you would like to level. On the one hand, this will help develop tactics of achievement, learn what this person can do. On the other hand, it is useful to analyze where you have this reference image from and to check how much it is yours, since external ideals often inspire us in childhood, and they have nothing to do with the personality that we have at the moment.
When the example is really chosen by you and corresponds to the actual value and sense system, try to live the day like this person. You do not need much, just play a role, try on an image and feel what it is in such a role. You may feel that in your former life you were more comfortable, and perhaps you will feel how easy it is to show confidence and declare yourself.
Get ready for the changes to take a long time. It is impossible to be ashamed for twenty years, and after one exercise, show super-leader qualities. This will be a daily painstaking work, not only directly with sensations at the time of constraint, but also with the global experience of life and yourself in it.
How to overcome shyness and self-doubt
When shyness is closely associated with uncertainty, then you have to act in the direction of both problems. Before you go on a huge stage, in order to work out your own confidence, you must feel comfortable next to your loved ones. To do this, start to please them, make pleasant surprises, and, without looking for a reason for this. The desire to improve the lives of others is an excellent opportunity to establish contact, and the positive feedback that you receive will definitely raise your spirits and faith in yourself.
Exercise and exercise. This will not only improve your well-being through the production of endorphins, but also improve the appearance and that part of the confidence that is associated with this. Open new things not only in your physical abilities, but also social contacts, look for your people with whom you will be comfortable and pleasant. There are many opportunities for this even in a small town - and it is better to have ten virtual friends who understand, appreciate and support than the thirty physically close but constantly degrading.
Set yourself big goals and make plans - this is an important part of developing confidence and suppressing shyness. Remember that each goal must have its own implementation plan and deadlines. It is important that in any goal or evaluation of your actions you begin to focus only on your own desires and judgments. What others say is not always true, many criticisms are justified by envy, and the devaluation of your plans, goals, dreams by limited perception. Only your own level of satisfaction should be the key to understanding whether you are moving in that direction.
Record your progress with the help of received letters or photos, things actually done. Even if your goal was to improve your own health, this can be noted by changes in the indicators of the survey, improvement of the physical shape of photos before the start of classes and after a month of training. This applies not only to achievements in the field of development, but also in social contacts - take photos with new friends, celebrate a month of friendship with an interesting person. The more you can observe the results of your success, the more motivation there will be for further progress. If this is not done, then due to the peculiarities of perception, over time, the good is erased, and the negative moments remain in the memory and there may be a feeling that life does not change.
Spend some time removing muscle blocks with massage, exercise or body-oriented therapy sessions. This is a very important point, because any shyness is associated with the control, which also blocks the body and leaves tension in the muscles. The more relaxed the body becomes, the easier it becomes to interact with the world, it is freer to manifest itself as a person.