Flattering is a personality trait, which is formed in a social society, not genetic, and expressed in excessive coaxing, helpfulness. This can be a peculiar way of building social interaction and a type of communication, a way of getting what you want, i.e. by manipulation. In addition to the normative manifestation, ingratiation is a defensive reaction of the psyche during the sensation of a psychological or any other threat, when it is easier for a person to get around the situation than to conflict.
There is revelation, both at the level of behavior, and mimic reactions, intonations. Usually these people speak in a pleading or apologetic manner, they have a tense smile to demonstrate peace-loving tendencies. The posture may contain elements of tightness and demonstration of subordinate behavior, such as a bowed head, pressed neck, hunched shoulders - they tend to become less outwardly so as not to represent competition for the stronger ones.
What it is
The quality of the person flattering is a constant desire to seek personal advantage or the location of another person (usually the authorities or a profitable ally) by excessive flattery, servility, behavior, which people can compare with the creepy.
Flattering kowtow for whom it is addressed may be perceived as reverence, disposition, admiration, but at the same time it will be emphasized, somewhat grotesque. Some people can listen carefully to others, nod, lower their eyes in humility, others provoke notations themselves, ask for advice or freeze with any monologue of the superior. Such manifestations are extremely noticeable to others, but, nevertheless, with all their insincerity, they bring a positive result to the manipulator.
The emergence of such behavior is due to evolutionary processes and features of the formation of the behavior of the pack. It was necessary for a person to remain in a group in order to ensure his survival, as it is almost impossible to survive alone in the wild.
Conceiving, taciturn and pleasing behavior contributed to the fact that even if this individual allowed an oversight, the leader did not expel her, but left because of ingratiating behavior. Thus, those who were somewhat more cunning than their fellow tribesmen were able to survive or were bestowed with additional benefits. Any behavior or trait manifested and contributing to survival was consolidated as an adaptive action option that was deposited in the subcortical memory and worked in situations of threat from the strongest.
Knocking in front of the bosses is a fairly common reception for those who are not confident in their competence, are afraid of competition and are trying to ensure their continued stay in the workplace with all available means. With a well-developed intellect and actor's talents, it is hard to blame a person for insincerity or to call it a pagan, and his actions are more often interpreted as responsiveness and courtesy, kindness and attentiveness. This personality trait can be confused with education or politeness, and it is possible to distinguish only by well knowing the inner motives of a person. So with a polite and socially approved treatment, the person is guided by the desire to observe the necessary standards, while the ingratiation always pursues only personal gain.
An important feature of the perception of ingratiating another person is the almost complete defenselessness of this manipulation. A study was conducted, the results of which showed that, despite the veracity of the flattering reviews, and even the fact that the other knows what is happening now, a more positive attitude was formed towards the ingratiating. Thus, it remains unimportant how sincere and truthful your compliments are, because a person is still nice to hear them, just as he can know that you only listen to him in order to get certain permissions or advance your business, but they will still tell and enjoy the attention. The crudest flattery will have an impact on the psyche, and only then you can turn on the analysis to return the objectivity of perception, if such manipulations are performed by a minimally thin, mentally person, then absolutely anyone will be hooked.
Most ambitious people, who consider themselves superior to others, preferring to be in the dark about their shortcomings, are most prone to ingratiating themselves. The greater the internal need for approval, recognition, praise, or support, the less this mentality is resistant to the manipulative effects of swooping.
Pros and cons of the flattery
Flattering and flattery are considered to be negative personality traits, but such a limited relationship cannot be exclusively true, as any complex personal education, flattery appeared during social evolution and is aimed at improving life or ensuring survival. The negative attitude is largely due to the fact that everyone wants to receive recognition and compliments sincere, just like the joy of communication and attentive listening.
From here comes the first minus of ingratiating - when other people treat us in a pleasant manner, we reveal our own soul to them, and no one in such a situation wants to know that they simply used it for their own benefit. This is comparable to betrayal, which is why those who are often seen in fawning are not loved, in every way they avoid and show unfavorable behavior - everyone ensures their mental safety and tries not to get involved with those who are not trustworthy.
With all the negative perception of an ingratiating person as negative, there remains a need for emotional stroking, raising self-esteem and a simple feeling of one's need and necessity, and for some even significance.
Due to this inner hunger for warmth, people unconsciously surround themselves with flatterers and sycophants, and this is not always tyranny. For example, a manager may quite objectively understand that he is being listened to solely by virtue of his position, but these people are more pleasant specialists than those who ignore subordination.
With all the same data always choose someone who can please and bring positive emotions. Even in families, it was found that pets get the maximum affection and recognition, despite the fact that people have more weight. This is solely due to the fact that animals do not ask additional questions, they always welcome the appearance of the owner and do not make any claims or demands to him - and with the ingratiation this creates an extraordinary calm and a sense of self-worth against all odds.
In an egoistic sense, flattery is a more positive quality, bringing personal advantage to the individual and allowing to achieve results where a lot of effort could be made. Such people live easier, and many mistakes are forgiven because of the received favors. Many psychological practitioners teach the manifestation of kowtowing, calling it methods of communication or influencing people, but manipulation in order to obtain benefits remains a manipulation. But it must be remembered that thanks to the ingratiation, many individuals survived even in ancient times, which contributed to the development of logical thinking, the ability to analyze and influence the situation not only from a direct position of strength, but also from cunning. It can be said that the ingratiation is one of the moments contributing to the development of an intelligent way of adjusting the situation and avoiding violent methods of solving problems.
Perhaps the most negative manifestation of the ingratiation lies in the fact that a person acts insincerely, deceiving the other in advance. The danger and negative feeling of such deception is rather destructive for the individual, as it concerns not the business side or specific events, but affects relationships, perception of oneself as individuals and can frustrate the basic structures of the ego. In the future, not only the one who was deceived, gets a psychological trauma, but the ingratiating person himself eventually becomes a social outcast. The impossibility of open and sincere contact leads to loneliness or being in a toxic relationship, the inability to clash and defend their own opinions.
There is no consensus and attitude to the ingratiation, because in some situations it helps to survive, and is a socially approved form of adaptation. With the constant use of this model of behavior, a person rolls into personal degradation and loses social adaptation.