Psychology and Psychiatry

How to become successful

We are opening a series of articles by Natalia Moskaleva on a series of books entitled People from the Cabinet. The first part has already been published on the Internet. What does she tell us?

How to become successful? There are two answers to this question.

The first popular one is to learn how to think successfully, imagine and model success, and so on. We will not go into details - the entire Internet is full of them. Written sea of ​​books and created tons of training. "Take it - learn, become, read."

First of all, an inexperienced searcher will do just that. And well, if he succeeds. And if not? And, let's say, the hero is no longer 20 years old and all the bright plans failed? And instead of the “fountain of sparkling feelings”, he, for example, received forty luggage of cargo that draws down and does not allow to live happily, but he fills with destructive sensations, such as:

1. Void inside.

2. Throwing, the search for "his plate", alternately alternating with desolation and despair.

3. Lack of personal implementation (sometimes even despite the possible apparent success).

4. Unnecessary - the seeker may not even have friends (either few or not).

5. Meaninglessness and worthlessness of existence, not understanding the meaning of your life. Man does not know why he lives, as if in vain.

6. Unclaimed, lack of recognition by others.

7. Humiliation.

8. Feeling of "stagnation", "swamps", lack of development.

9. Misunderstanding where to apply their knowledge and skills and what to do next.

The hero may sometimes try to:

1. To defend from others the right to their point of view, you want to be heard and respected, and ideally taken for the right.

2. Achieve respect for yourself.

3. "Win" a kind of game that is constantly being conducted in society.

4. Prove that you are a significant person.

5. Achieve recognition, respect.

6. Find yourself, your place in the world. I want to understand the meaning of my life.

There may be perception problems:

1. Excessive orientation to the opinions of people around. Their point of view determines mood, not their own.

2. Any refusal seems a denial of one’s identity.

3. Rejection of criticism - any.

4. Painful perception of failures.

5. Lack of internal dignity and self-esteem.

6. Lack of a sense of self-worth.

7. Problems in relationships with people.

8. Feeling of hostility of the surrounding world.

Taking the above moments as truth, we come to the conclusion that it is now not about success as such. In the pit of failure there is such a strong bouquet of feelings that in some cases a person is able to reach suicide (fortunately, this degree of experience is not often found). Most often, the presence of such experiences leads to angeriness, abstraction from life, inability to accept the surrounding society, etc.

How to solve this problem? Here it is appropriate to recall the second, less popular way of "achieving success", or as we have defined, to find ways to rid experiences of success, because they are the stumbling block in the path to the goals set.

As our beloved Faina Ranevskaya used to say: "Everything will come true! One has only to lose it ..." And as the no less famous Siddhartha Gautama commanded us: "The cause of the suffering of desire," "In order to be free from suffering, you need to get rid of desire." In my personal experience, the second way gives at least the cessation of experiences on a given topic (and experiences, I must say, can ruin life very much), and as a maximum, the fulfillment of an already not very important desire, which undoubtedly makes life much more pleasant.

As you know, 50% of the achievement of the goal is the right task. The correct task now is: "How to stop wanting success?"

The most important question that worries any reader is “How?”.

"How to get rid of the desire (success) - so strong and important in my life ?!"

It is very important to understand here: the stronger the desire for something, the more deeply it is ingrained in "my" subconscious and the harder it is to work with it. People visit psychologists for years - at least to reduce the degree of their experiences on any topic. And each seeker needs to prepare for serious, deep work on himself, revealing the painful aspects of the personality and forcing him to live the worst in his own perception. But only this way it is possible to get rid of what prevents all life.

No one, neither the author of this article, nor the most professional psychologist, nor the most successful person in the world can solve the task in one phrase or even one article. The hero has a deep inner work on himself. Such work can be done with a psychologist or independently. This is what the book talks about below. However, here it is important to understand, understanding and neutralizing one's feelings is possible even without psychotherapists and outside the extensive knowledge of the author. A universal remedy for all mental "diseases" - Zen Buddhism! Constant meditation, the ability to "look at yourself from the side" gives you the opportunity to see something that even the best professional in you cannot see ...

Continuation further → How can the philosophy of Zen Buddhism help solve any problem in practice?

(The following article opens the curtain to Zen - Buddhism - overview narration, application methods, application rules, psychological basis of work mechanisms, opinions of famous psychologists on this topic and results of practical application on the author’s own experience). How can Zen philosophy help solve any problem in practice?

In the book, which is discussed in the article ("People from the Cabinet"), the example of working with one person reveals such problems as: understanding the meaning of life, answering the question "who am I?", Finding the value of life, success, career, self-realization, demand (desire) for women, some issues of raising children and even losing weight. It is important to note that there are almost no theoretical discussions on the voiced topics in the book. There are no recipes for such as: "Do it like this and then it will be this way." And at the same time, in each chapter through fairy tale therapy (the plot is presented in the form of surrealistic stories, something similar to perception in a dream) there is an internal, deep study of a wrong perception, painful attitudes. It is also important to note: the work goes on at the level of the “language of feelings” through associative perception. If the reader does not dream and / or he does not understand them at all (does not perceive them), then such a scheme will most likely not help him.