Family tyranny is a complex topic in family relationships that a woman herself can change. Being inside a situation, sometimes a woman may not realize that fate has bound the tyrant with her husband. Therefore, you should learn to identify such a man and decide how to proceed. For a tyrant, a wife is a victim with which he will instill her wrong in all life matters. A tyrant husband feels fine if his wife feels insecure, which allows him to manipulate her. He will surely blame his companion for his failures, both large and small.
Often at a psychologist's reception, when it comes to domestic violence, women mean physical effects. However, along with physical moral violence brings no less trouble, which is hard experienced by women.
Types of Tyrant Husbands
Psychologists note two types of tyrannical behavior:
- to the first type they rank men who could not realize themselves in the business sphere. Husbands who failed to find their destination at work can easily “try on” the role of leader at home. They tell their loved ones what to do, while constantly criticizing. Such men want to emphasize their status in various ways, because they are the head of the family. In their turn, they expect total worship from family members;
- to the second type include men with children's complexes. Such complexes are often associated with resentment at parents, classmates. The remaining children's complex inside forces a man to hold on to the dominant position. This is due to the fact that the “child” inside the man is afraid to be offended beforehand. This type of men is constantly satisfied with scrum and scandals, they are present everywhere: at home, at a party, in a supermarket. This is due to the fact that in this state, he feels protected.
Signs of a tyrant husband
Below are the most common signs of a tyrant. So, you can take a husband to a tyrant if:
- he likes to put his spouse in a dependent position, whether emotional or material;
- casually speaks out about her relatives, friends, spouse, and also limits her communication with her friends with all her strength and wants her wife to give him all her time and attention, preferably to him;
- likes to criticize the female style of talking, dressing, painting, laughing;
- over time, it becomes virtually impossible to please her husband, she always gets nagging: she’s not so seated, she’s not so good, she’s not fed up or over-salted, she speaks too quietly or loudly;
- the husband likes to poke fun at his wife, and if he hears that this is unpleasant for his wife, he tries to convince her that there is nothing wrong with his actions, but her perception is very critical because of his increased sensitivity and lack of a sense of humor;
- a man allows himself to humiliate, insult a woman with obscene words, forcing her to feel infinitely guilty in everything;
- after any conflict, the husband always blames his wife and if the man did something wrong, then the spouse is to blame;
- A man is not responsible for his words. He rarely fulfills promises, but on the other hand, he demands the exact opposite;
- every day lowers women's self-esteem, arguing that besides him, no one will need her;
- The husband is addicted to gambling, alcohol or drugs;
- the spouse likes to break his anger on his wife, to deduce emotions, to tears, such a head of the family does not know how to ask and talk, he demands, shouts and compels;
- he does not see a person in a woman and believes that she should live only by his interests;
- the husband is able to raise his hand to his spouse, without any remorse of conscience, since he believes that the woman herself brought him to this;
- such a man is jealous harshly and groundlessly, humiliating and insulting, punishing for something that his wife did not even commit;
- he is jealous of success and his wife’s hobby; he cannot psychologically endure her to be more successful than he;
- does not allow the spouse to show personal discontent, while suppressing it with his voice, stopping all attempts to express an opinion;
- The husband does not allow to use the family budget independently;
- he constantly reminds who is in charge at home and what place in it is reserved for a woman;
- A woman is often afraid of her spouse, trying to predict his mood, so as not to get in the way "under the hot hand."
Male tyrant - the advice of a psychologist
Does it make sense to continue to live with my husband tyrant - to decide, of course, only women. But thinking does not prevent all the ladies: is it worth ruining your life, for the sake of such a man?
If the husband is a tyrant, then he is a subtle psychologist and a real "chameleon". During the first date, it is difficult to recognize a tyrant in a man. Outwardly, he looks like an exemplary family man: caring, courageous, strong, generously giving, loving and appreciating his chosen one. He seeks to quickly take over his favorite responsibility and, after a short time, calls to marry. The girl falls in love with such an ardent boyfriend, not attaching importance to the first alarm bells.
How to behave with your husband tyrant? It's hard enough to get away from such a man. He will not let go of his “sacrifice” easily. In each case, you must consider the type of tyrant.
Conventionally, tyrants are divided into those who:
- controls everything;
- insults and humiliates;
- dissolves hands.
Control tyrant. For such a man is characterized by endless questions, "What did you do? Why did you linger, did you not call in time? Where was you?" This is not the whole list of questions for which the wife should give a permanent report. And if a woman is not able to get in touch with her in time or evades an answer, then a scandal will occur in her family. The controlling tyrant constantly harasses his darling with jealousy, prohibits communication with any men, including classmates, neighbors, brothers, acquaintances. Some friends are also blacklisted, they will be told to stop talking to them.
Over time, for the husband and this will seem a little, and he will periodically check the phone, social networks, read SMS, monitor calls. It is important for him to keep his wife's life under control, nothing should slip from his eyes. With picky perseverance, the husband begins to check the makeup, hair, clothes of his wife. He is not satisfied when his wife has an attractive image for other men.
Degrading tyrant. This type infinitely humiliates and humiliates. He prefers to assert himself at the expense of his wife’s low self-esteem. Corrosive remarks, offensive words, insults, verbal humiliation are common manifestations in family life. With undisguised pleasure husband tyrant will poke his wife in the shortcomings, pointing to her constant mistakes. He will be difficult to please, and sometimes virtually impossible. He will always find what to find fault with and what to indicate to the woman: she put on her makeup too brightly or imperceptibly, got the dish oversalt, put on tastelessly, did not immediately reply to SMS, did not manifest herself in bed and so on.
Humiliation does not always occur in a complaint or aggressive form, they can be made in a joking manner with a smile of moral "sadist" on the face.
Male tyrant spreading his arms. This type of tyrant is the most terrible, because a man, without thinking about the consequences, can easily raise a hand on her husband for no apparent reason, for example, the wife looked wrong, did not say it, or simply kept silent. Such a man for himself does not feel guilty, believing that his wife herself asked for it and deserved such treatment with her behavior.
Tyrant husbands are often addicted to alcoholic beverages, which worsens family life and contributes to physical violence. Often the tyrant husband combines a mixture of two or three of the above types.
If a woman noticed the above described signs in the behavior of her partner, then this should make one wonder if she is a victim of psychological and physical terror.
What if the husband is a tyrant
Often, women, due to low self-esteem, do not try to turn the tide and leave their unsatisfying husband. So they live for years with her husband tyrant and despot. Most people easily condemn such ladies for their weakness, but in practice the situation often turns out to be difficult in order to break off the connection without serious consequences once and for all. And there are many reasons for this. Initially, the problem is that the tyrant as a companion chooses a chosen one without ambition, calm, aimed at marriage, household chores and the creation of family comfort. He really at the beginning of a relationship gives the girl everything. A despotic man very nicely caring, skillfully creating a picture of an ideal person, giving gifts, fulfilling desires, indulging women's whims. Corresponds to the 100% image of a passionate lover and the standard spouse.
Gradually, over time, patriarchal relations will be established in family life. Initially, it looks quite adequate: a man earner, earns money, and the spouse is engaged in household work. Then the children appear. The entire environment of the wife is quietly rooted out: friends, colleagues, relatives, just friends. After the husband of the tyrant shows his real face, he can assure that he will correct, but if the wife behaves correctly, and after that he will continue to occasionally give his wife attention, care, and give gifts. The wife will consider that the husband has changed his mind and corrected himself, but in reality this is not the case.
The main reasons for not allowing your wife to change their lives are:
- low self-esteem;
- naivety that the husband can be remade;
- the presence of small children;
- subconscious contentment of the role of the victim: no need to take responsibility for the family, to make decisions, the woman gets pleasure from scandals, followed by reconciliation;
- material dependence on the husband;
- lack of work,
- memories of the initial good relationship and the conviction that the spouse will correct, becoming the same;
- lack of friends, relatives, who could help;
- a sense of guilt for the fact that the spouse has become different;
- lack of self-confidence;
- fear of being alone and not understanding what to do next.
If a woman sees a way out in continuing to live with a tyrant, then she has the following behaviors:
The first is to submit in everything and submit to the husband.
The second is to win back your position and be able to stand up for yourself.
The choice is only for the woman.
You can make life easier with a tyrant, but if you decide to fight him back. To do this, you need to turn to a psychologist, with whom to deal with each specific situation, making a specific plan of action.
Psychologists advise not to occupy a subordinate position in the family, not to lower the head and not to give up the slack. As soon as the woman shows weakness, the tyrant will go on the offensive, so you need to become a strong personality and love yourself.
How to get rid of the tyrant husband
If life with your spouse has become unbearable, then the best way out is to end the relationship and divorce.
For this you need:
- to awaken self-love and realize that life is one and live it with a man who does not love and respect is silly;
- it should be understood that a woman for her husband is only a victim, he does not see her as a person, therefore, without any problems, she throws out all her negativity, uncertainty and inconsistency;
- you need to seriously think about your future plan and not take serious actions yet, but it will be necessary to start creating a financial airbag and finding housing. It is advisable for a woman to turn to a psychologist for specific advice, since it is the specialist who will help to understand each specific situation, will give recommendations on how exactly to behave with her husband, how to stop his male cruelty;
- it will be necessary to restore lost contacts with relatives and friends, to tell them about what happened, for what reason they stopped communicating with them. To do this, you should announce your problem in case you have to contact them for help;
- If there is no battery of hands in the family, you can declare your intention to part directly. If the spouse does not give his consent, it will be appropriate to seek help from a lawyer or a crisis center, where they will provide legal assistance and a roof over their heads;
- one should get a job, save money for a future independent life without a husband;
- it is necessary to start communicating with people again and go into society in order to get away from home, acquire new interests and friends;
- If the husband is engaged in battering, you should pack up when he is not at home and move out immediately. You can rent an apartment or ask for help from friends, relatives, write a statement to law enforcement agencies;
- if a man enters into the taste of tyranny, then he will not stop, so it makes no sense to engage in self-deception, to believe that he will correct and be led to the persuasion of such a person;
- when the decision is made, you should seriously consider how to get away from the husband of the tyrant and successfully implement the care plan without negative consequences;
- if it so happens that a woman does not have material resources to rent an apartment and relatives, then you can use the help of the crisis center, where they will give shelter and protect them;
- Do not be afraid that the ex-husband will start to pursue. Often, these people are cowards and are afraid of publicizing their actions. With a strong fear you can move to another city and start living there. In any case, it will be better than to continue life, going on about their fears. You should not also endure beatings and bullying, for the sake of family preservation for children. In such a family, children grow up unhappy. Remaining living in a tyrant’s family, there is a high probability that children can repeat the pattern of their family’s behavior;
- to give yourself confidence, you should communicate with women who survived the separation from the tyrant. Among them it is difficult to find those who are upset by the decision. Most regret not having done this before.
The problem of domestic violence is considered to be a fairly common social phenomenon. Domestic violence is found absolutely in all social strata of society. Therefore, women need to remember that any psychological act of a violent nature refers to a crime. Various humiliations of the person, insults, after a little time only will amplify and aggravate. Silence of this problem will not solve the outcome of the situation favorably. First of all, women should seek help from family law specialists and psychologists, and support should be sought from loved ones. To refuse to communicate with loved ones is not necessary. Even if they are not able to help, it will give an opportunity to speak out and get psychological support.
It is often difficult for women suffering from violent actions to accept help from others. Often they are shy, ashamed and just afraid to ask for help, so they are left alone with disaster. There are people who do not know where to turn, suffering from domestic tyranny. If there is a need for an immediate response, then you must contact the police. But it should be borne in mind that the police do not resolve family conflicts, which require a cardinal position from a woman. First of all, a woman should try to get rid of her husband’s emotional or physical oppression. Until the woman makes her own final decision that she is no longer a victim, changes in family life will not occur.
There are specialized organizations (crisis centers, social services) that provide assistance to women victims of violence. It is important that the phone numbers of these organizations in case of need are always at hand.
A woman can give phone numbers to neighbors and children so that they can independently ask for help if she is unable to do so at a critical moment.
Husbands who have committed violence bear civil, administrative or criminal liability. It is necessary to understand that before the husband tyrant bears responsibility, a lot of mental strength and time costs will be spent, but all this is minor compared to the tragic consequences of the silence of the problem.