The book "People from the Cabinet" tells the story of the path of a classic loser who has not achieved anything in life and for this is offended by the whole world. What is the difference between the perception of a successful person and the feelings and experiences of a loser? A successful person relies primarily on himself. A loser in all depends on other people. A loser is trying to prove to the world something or to “make the world happy” or to achieve something at the expense of the world. A lucky man does not prove anything to anyone. He builds a relationship with himself, not with the world. The loser spends all his time in pursuit of external confirmation of his actions. And for approval - permission. And for the adoption and self-affirmation (at the expense of others, of course). Failure behavior patterns are always aimed at getting something from others.
Where do these important, key differences come from? Let's try to understand the original source of problems.
I am and I live. Could these important, life-affirming concepts be in doubt? Despite the apparent evidence, they may be absent in our perception. Especially they are absent in the perception of a person hiding in a closet. With his behavior he says: "If society does not notice me, then I am not." Or: "If you do not want to see me, then I will leave you." However, his “withdrawal” does not mean humility. Being in the shell, the hero dreams of “coming out” more than anything, and proving to the whole world that I am: “And to make this world love me, see and respect”.
- How is this possible? - the reader will ask.
The feeling of lack of self and the need to start living in the full sense of the word are subconscious. Feelings are generally difficult to describe or explain. One can only feel them, by the way, it is on this that the narration of the previously mentioned book is built. The reader should not analyze and not peer at the letters, but perceive the plot through associative thinking, through emotions.
Suppose a person feels anxiety inside himself while trying to achieve his goals. What is it (experience) experiencing? What does this anxiety mean to say?
The perception of the "loser" in question processes what "I see, I can touch, feel, try, hear." But the whole problem is that “I don’t see myself”! Or do not believe my eyes (I believe only in someone else's eyes). "There is a mirror," the reader will argue. Yes, but for some reason I do not perceive myself through it! The mirror is irrelevant because "my mind does not matter." What I see is questioned. More often than not, the “other person sees me” is true. Thus, it turns out that "I am not in my perception." But if "I do not have", it means "I do not live." By the way, the feeling of life in such people is really small. We can say that they really didn’t begin to live.
So we begin to understand the essence of behavior of a dependent person. An individual who depends on the views and behavior of the society in which he is located. The desire to get out of one’s own imprisonment is motivated not only by the goal of “proving something to them.” In fact, the hero, without realizing it, does not allow himself to fully be. And it is precisely the need for full presence that drives them most. He has not learned to live alone and alone, and all the time he clings to others. He does not know how to feel the world of himself! You can even say that he perceives the world through the perception of the interlocutor represented by him.
By a strange coincidence, such heroes meet on the path of an individual who does not accept them in everything: argue with any opinion, interrupt, accuse, humiliate, ignore, do not want to see / hear, and sometimes openly express their contempt. It may even seem that society rejects the main character. By the way, this is how a seeker behaves towards others (only he does not notice himself). The task of the described participant in the events in this case is to first learn to truly feel, and then the fullness of his own life. And this he must do without reliance on society and beyond the fulfillment of a "successful" dream. This is his only way to "salvation."
Practical understanding of the statement "I am" (working with the mind)
What does it mean, "I am?"
What am I? I am my body - you can touch it, make sure that it lives, breathes, feels, hurts. To heighten beliefs, you can even hit your foot on the ground (on the floor). Here I am, I stand firmly on my feet! Legs are my support. With them I feel the land that holds me, gives me support.
I am! I live! These words must be repeated as a mantra.
"I" is also my thoughts, feelings, beliefs, impulses. My behavior is reflected in the outside world. My actions are the reaction of other people (no matter what, it is important that it is, which means I am alive). My thoughts are read by others (unconsciously, of course, but they are read, which means they are). And that means everything that I think, feel and live is not empty. Presence is not in vain.
Practical exercise (work with feelings)
Get your own album or let it be called a diary. It must be paper! Fill the album with your "reflections": your own photos with your own hand, circled and painted hand, your own drawings. Do you remember how in childhood at school girls painted and painted notebooks, made beautiful inscriptions in them, etc.? So this album is about the same, only dedicated to you. This is the album "About Me."
Put whatever you want in it. And look in when there is a need to talk with yourself, to receive confirmation of "I am", or you want to make another update, which should also be perceived as building up "I am." In addition to the album, you can make a wall newspaper (and hang it on your door, wall, in the middle of an apartment, etc.). Let this be no reason for the jokes of your real family. Explain to your family why you need it and let them treat you with understanding. And even help if they have the strength to do it. You can shoot a video and watch it. You can circle the entire body around the contour (ask your partner to do it), decorate it, decorate it in the desired way and also hang it. It is important in all of these visual exercises to achieve attitudes towards the perception of "I am." You need to see with your own eyes.
There is one more facet of the new sensation. Try to feel it in motion: “I’m going to - (means) I am. I feel –– (means) I am. I eat –– (means) I am” and so on.
Just want to warn. The feeling "I am" is not very simple. It is not acquired through a single phrase, told to itself once. This is a long and continuous practice of auto-suggestion. And I want to believe that one day the hero will feel the need to understand "who am I ?!", and "what am I not?". This will mean that he began to feel and now needs to draw the first boundaries between "I" and "Not Me." The need to define the boundaries of one’s own personality is a very important step towards separation from society, separation from excessive attachment to people. This will be discussed in the following publications. The reader can feel the described states on himself by reading the books "People from the Cabinet" and "turning on" his own associative thinking.