We continue to publish a series of articles devoted to a series of books called People from the Cabinet. It would not be entirely correct to consider success beyond such a component as money. But how do money and self-perception intersect? What does it have to do with psychology? Why do I need money?
Money or life ?!
The first book, People from the Closet, begins with defining the goals people are willing to follow. One of the heroes claims that his goal is to make a million. No wonder - any person will not give up a million. And often this person associates his viability and success with this same million.
When a society raises the question of financial well-being for anyone: "Without this, you can live" will always be: "Well, how to live without money ?!". And here it is very important to share the objectively necessary means for life. And (everything else) is a means of determining the degree of comfort (and not a fact!) Of my life. We are not talking now about cases where a person requires costly surgery to survive. We are talking about situations where the hero formally has everything: body, head, mind, legs, possibilities ... But, it is common for the hero to confuse how much money is needed to save life and the amount necessary to increase the degree of comfort from this life! And this, dear reader, is a completely different goals and expenditure items!
We consider the degree of psychological comfort as a psychological component of the concept of "financial well-being".
What is money to me?
Money is an opportunity.
Money is "a pleasure to live."
Money is my solvency (not only financially, but also from the point of view of self-realization).
And the most secret knowledge is: “With money, I define my value for society and for life. If I have money, I am a white man. And without money I’m no one can call me anything.” Is it not this “self-elevation” that we flaunt when we choose a prestigious car, clothes, and so on?
In this article we will pay special attention to money from the point of view of "my solvency as a person and a specialist", or "self-worth". As stated in the famous dictum: "If you are so clever, then why are you so poor ?!"
Money is a universal means of assessing and receiving (?) Everything. If you have capital, it seems that it is no longer important whether you are talented in your business or complete lack of talent. Financial well-being allows you to buy the illusion of what you want.
Is any man purely impulsive and soul cunning when he says that money is not the main thing for him? You would think that any. After all, there is nothing easier than to justify your own powerlessness with wonderful impulses. Is it possible that a person may not need money? Necessarily needed! Elementary at least in order to eke out even a miserable existence. However, there is one "but." Not everyone’s comfort is top priority. And this means that not everyone and not everything measures money.
Moreover. There is a suspicion that life itself gives a person the opportunity to see and appreciate real, sincere feelings or attitudes or personal preferences. Suddenly, it turns out that money cannot buy true love, humanity, happiness, or even soul attraction.
Is money the only line of your self-worth?
From the foregoing, the assumption is born that self-worth - an unconditional sense of self-worth and importance - is not a product of purchase or sale.
If the designated definition is single root with the word "value", then does it always mean money? Is value always an estimate? Or maybe there is something more, undetectable, and even contaminated by the fact of evaluation?
Given that not very successful personalities are much more than very successful ones, it can be assumed that there are many people in the world for whom life is impossible to measure, evaluate, sell and buy. For them, there is good, there is magnanimity, mercy, justice, and many other priceless things. Your world, loser, is not the worst! Another question - why do you use a successful line of self-worth, according to which you measure the values of the whole world, including yourself?
I always tell my children: “You don’t need to prove to your peers that you are worth something or are capable of something (interesting, smart, talented) with expensive smartphones or jeans (from our youth). Try to be someone without it! " Feel yourself, finally, a significant person in your soul, deep inside and do not attach empty external attributes to this!
Children often ask their parents, "Why did you give birth to me?" - implying: "I did not ask you to give birth to me." And those, unfortunately, do not know what to answer. But the question of children is illegal. Birth does not happen just because mom and dad want it or not. Are children left in orphanages, born at will? Rather, by irresponsibility. Here it is necessary to understand: you are on this earth - also because a multitude of random circumstances, causing the emergence of life, have come together. And parents are not the only "rulers" of these accidents. More information about the gift of accidents can be read in the book M. Litvak "The principle of the sperm."
By receiving the priceless gift of life, we also get the opportunity to achieve something in this world. Each person is looking for his only way. And the questions “Why am I here?”, “What am I serving?” Seem very important to each person. "What is my purpose?" But is the only correct answer here - money? How do you: "I was born in order to earn as much money as possible!".
Is money a payment for your life?
Is money worth your life?
When you find your real business, you will feel the true value of your activities and the meaning of your existence. But the destination will not reveal itself, if you do not make any effort. Put aside the pessimism that holds back your abilities.
Finding a sense of self-worth in yourself
As you may have understood, your opinion of yourself is important. It is his read and surrounding. In this part, it is important to form a personal opinion in which, firstly, you sincerely believe, secondly, this will undoubtedly be true, and thirdly, you will be satisfied with the copied perception of others.
Exercise 1: Work with the mind
Ask your program. Write what you believe in (and this is true and truly) and what the people around you should "count". In this exercise, well take into account their own shortcomings. But in such a way that they "become a virtue."
An example from my experience
What are my professional values (for work) ?:
1. I love the job I work for. I treat people who want to do everything qualitatively, and not for a tick. I strive to accomplish the tasks set in the most favorable way.
2. I am a thinking person. And therefore, constantly looking for the best ways to implement known goals.
3. I am lazy and this tenacity makes me optimize my actions in the most efficient way. Excellent time management skills complement this quality. Thus, I manage to complete all scheduled tasks during business hours.
4. I am an aspiring person. I constantly read the available literature in my direction. I am happy to go through regular training and advanced training.
5. I am a wonderful organizer. I am able to work in an accelerated mode when it is necessary to organize any events as soon as possible.
6. I have not yet reached grand heights in professional activities. But this fact does not stop me in improving and continuing to go towards my goals.
7. I am proud to have quit my last job. And he could not regret it.
Guided by the questions:
What should I pay money for and how much do I rate myself as a specialist? What can I give to the employer? (Or what will he get by taking me by investing money in me?) What real goals can I achieve in my work activity? What achievements and personal qualities I am really proud of?
Exercise 2: I Am
It is much more important to value oneself unconditionally, than for “virtues” and “disadvantages turned into merits”, but by the very fact of its existence. The previous article was devoted to this topic. And as I said to the feeling "I am", we will return more than once.
Rumble in the feelings that respond to phrases:
• I feel love from
• I feel attention (a look) from outside - they see me
• I see and feel myself from the side = (equivalently) I live.
Exercise 3: "I am not"
Method "by contradiction".
Imagine that you are not there. You have never been. There are no people in life, no children of yours, there is nothing connected with you. Stay sad about yourself. Feel how this sadness creates warmth in the chest. Fill with this warmth.
Exercise 4: Self Value
Remember how you want those who were left without you to regret this very much. You can imagine how situations arise in which you are able to find the best solution. And people around them surely know and feel regret that you are not there. As long as you think and want about it, nothing like this will happen. Fill with the feeling that appears in such memories without reference to the desired situations. External emptiness without you is unconditional.
Exercise 5: Awareness
In the book "The Boy Born to Fly," the authors conduct a study of talent. As a result of many thoughts and experiments, they come to the conclusion that there are no talented people. There is a wrong upbringing, a misunderstanding of one’s own characteristics and inclinations, wrong priorities, and so on. The reasons why so many. But not the absence of the most important thing: the ability of each person to give birth to thought, create, it is interesting to stand out among the others.
Imagine that you are a desert. Useless, barren land, sultry heat, lack of water and any life worth living. Pathetic spines, and occasionally running lizards are all your wealth. Think of at least 10 reasons why your barren desert can be useful, a special meaning on earth. Everything should be believable, realistic. But at the same time, projections onto the future, the past, and, of course, the present are allowed. Get started!
Was your desert useless? The problem turned out without a solution? Look for ways to cure yourself. Nothing on this earth is "just like that."
And here's an example:
1. In the desert a lot of sand from which you can make glass
2. Sand filled sandboxes for children
3. In different deserts, sand is also multicolored. Entertaining kits for children are made from multicolored sand, beautiful beautiful patterns are painted.
4. In the "miserable", but the surviving flora and fauna of the desert, scientists and simply observant people find solutions to many problems of water conservation, survival and other things.
5. The desert affects the climate of the earth. This is a powerful air heater. It is difficult to imagine and design what our climate and nature would be without deserts.
6. The desert, for objective reasons, cannot be (yet) a place of full human dwelling. And this means that animals and plants have a chance to adapt to a quiet life there (from the realm of fantasy).
7. The desert is beautiful, but you want to see it. Each grain of sand from billions of sand has its own color, size, shape. Moody sand with a magnifying glass turns into an interesting world of fantasy.
8. The deserts are grand. They amaze with their size and majesty. The desert is just there. It may even be completely useless. But she is still there. And nothing will erase it from the face of the earth. This means that it has to be considered.
9. The desert is not only sand and sun. It has, albeit rare, but oases - islands of special beauty, especially highlighted on the background of barren land. These islands - as if heaven on earth. Amazing, unforgettable world!
10. The majestic sand dunes - the eternal companions of the desert. Together with the wind, they rule the ball. And nothing can stop them, counteract them!
If you could not cope with the task of the desert, try to improve on other examples: think up, why the body needs appendicitis (science has not yet given an unequivocal answer to this question). Come up with your own questions and find solutions on the topic: "what can be useful useless?".
When you feel that your imagination is ready for the main thing, find the answer to the questions:
1. What could be the meaning of your life?
2. How are you helpful now?
3. How can you be useful in case of your development?
Exercise 6 (the most difficult): Answers to the main questions
Now work with a sense of self-worth apart from being tied to society.
Answer your main question: How can I be useful to myself? What (and who) am I for myself? What can I do alone, not attached to anyone? How can I live alone and fulfill my goals on my own?
This is the most difficult, but the most important question, the answer everyone must find himself. And, perhaps, this is the only answer that can satisfy one hundred percent of doubts.