Psychology and Psychiatry

Personal space - the place where I am, and I can afford everything

Can you say no? Can you not let strangers and unwanted guests in your life? Allow others to make decisions for you? Being careless about your inner boundaries, you accumulate indignation, fear, anger and anger, and then blame others on these feelings ...

The topic of personal space in the context of excessive striving for success, described in the book "People from the Cabinet" is not in vain. The main question is: why does a typical loser lack personal space at all? How did it happen that the hero is trying to build relationships with society, without having any relationship with himself? He does not even have an understanding of his personal territory — a place where he can do everything.

What does it mean to have a private space for you?

This is the assumption of any manifestations of the self within the circle of security. Here it is not necessary, as in previous articles, to defend the right to one’s own point of view. There is no need to "attack" on others in order to win "a place under the sun." It is enough to allocate your own space for self-affirmation. Thoughts, actions, beliefs no longer need an external statement. You yourself give yourself rights and do not require the consent of others.

Expressing your point of view in advance aggressive, designed to protect your previously non-existent space, has lost all meaning. You no longer need anyone to prove anything, to win or defend. No need to chase the external resolution to be: approval and consent of others. You don't even need their attention and hearing.

You do not let strangers, unpleasant people into your abode, and generally close the door there. Thus, you save yourself from unpleasant attacks and insults. Not obliged to "show courtesy" and contact with those who are unpleasant. You build a psychological distance for which the offenders do not move.

To stop communication is to leave and take your world out of the common world. The participant does not lose "a place under the sun", but preserves the integrity of nature, protects itself from destructive emotions. And this is normal. It is better to be alone in your own abode than in the pursuit of warmth and support, to bring in guests who will inherit, insult and leave a load of unpleasant feelings.

And at the same time you acquire the ability to protect and see someone else's space. You do not attack with harsh criticism, you do not feel the need to express an opinion at all costs (often unkindly). You share the impression. But only when you are asked about it. And then the judgment will acquire the very value, importance and attention that he dreamed of.

You do not impose on anyone you like with the desire to maintain an interesting conversation and, thus, to express themselves. Do not tighten the stranglehold desire "finally talk to a smart man." Rather, you maintain a mutual interest, in which it is fascinating to all participants, thus not invading someone else's space. Respect the personal emotional territory of each person. And, as a result, you find contacts in which not only you are interested, but still passionate about you. And this is a clear confirmation of your interesting. So why so long and unsuccessfully chased. Thus, you get a healthy all-round communication, and not as before - based on your worship and admiration of the interlocutor. The interlocutors, by the way, no longer scatter in different directions, frightened by aggressive interest.

No more need to share. The storehouse of knowledge, reflections and finds does not break, wanting to splash out and fall upon the defenseless victims from the last paragraph. The inner world quietly fits in the space allocated for it. Does not require confirmation, attention, space. The space is designated by its own awareness and thus has an automatic right to exist.

Practical work

Exercise 1

Imagine that you are surrounded by attention. All your actions, thoughts, actions fall into the range of parental, loving attention. No more provocative behavior to call attention.

Attention shell - your personal territory

Exercise 2 (very important)

Apply tactics of self-suggestion. In each situation from the past, speak up (program) a new criterion of behavior: "In my personal space, I have the right to my personal point of view. I must not prove it to anyone, explain it or ask for its right to exist. I just have it and everything" .

In reality, when contact with insults occurs, go to your own protected space. Stop unnecessary communication - cut short without regret. And be sure to "catch" new sensations. With the right approach, a new pleasant feeling of integrity, safety of warmth, importance of one’s own world should appear. Try to gain a foothold in this new emotion. Eat it and remember how it is acquired.

Suppose you understand the main idea, agreed with it, but you can’t do anything with yourself: an unknown force pulls people towards them and makes them prove something. In this case, we can talk about deep subconscious forces acting as if against your will. Can I do something here? Can! But for this, you first need to realize the destructive power of someone else's influence on you. People do not accept you, do not want to see and hear, do not want to use the important things that you can give them, and you with your ability to live only due to their reaction are sitting and being killed: "I have no life" (quote from the cycle "People from cabinet ").

You can break away from people! And all the "losers" need! Because the “loser” is not the fact that a person has no talents or personal characteristics that allow one to realize oneself. "Losers" - this is a public stigma, the fact of denial of a given person by society!

For separation, you need a long, serious work on yourself, on your own perception. In this work, it is important to still strongly want to break away from people, from their actions on you, from their opinions, from everything that comes from other people and affects your life. And learn to live again, in a different way, relying only on yourself and on your own manifestations. This is the way of everyone who has come out of the closet and is learning to be free. And the other can not be.