Psychology and Psychiatry

Why provide selfless, but often useless help to strangers?

- I feel very bad. Here, by God, do not want to go home! Sheer misfortune! - the stranger complains to the hero. And does he necessarily catch him (call?) For help? And, of course, as the most positive participant of events, I am ready to immediately drop everything and rush to save. Already at the start. The locomotive runs forward with its obsessive ambulance. He is so sure that he can help, he knows how to do it in the best possible way. He sees his mission in supporting all the disadvantaged who turned to him, who shared his misfortune. Sincerely believes that it can and should make efforts to achieve happiness in someone else’s life:

- Let me help you? I will get into your personal life and stomp on it with the most accurate recipes? You can safely rely on me!

But, strange thing, no one leans! And who will like it when someone else’s experience is introduced into his personal space, someone else’s opinion, an uninvited presence ?!

The participant of events will come to relatives or friends with an uninvited opinion. He will insist on being right, re-educate, demand consent and will definitely wait for a detailed report on the implementation of what he is proposing.

Nobody says such a valuable and long-awaited "Thank you." The maximum that comes from the cabinet is a polite hearing. And then - from a rare person. And that - offensive by its courtesy, step "for my sake." "I tried for the sake of good! For you! And again you did not hear, did not appreciate." It does not work to be necessary and useful to others. The participant of the events does not notice that in the conversation he hears only himself. And asking questions to lead to one known truth.

When "my opinion and wrong" is your truth!

And the opinion is the most important, the only "right" owner aggressively imposes, justifying the holy desire to help. And it does not matter that no one asked for help. And I did not ask for opinions. And he came, without demand, without knowing whether they wanted to listen to him on this topic.

Why is all this action needed?

Why is the hero so much absorbed in someone else's life, and not his own? Why not bring your own order inside? The answer to this question is. His feelings, sticky to strangers, do not know how to be independent. They need someone else's joy, which he allegedly gives, someone else's happiness, which he allegedly is involved. And the question is not about holy virtue. An addicted person does not know how to give something, without expecting gratitude or a feeling of being needed in return! Assisting, he is affirmed in his own usefulness and usefulness. At the same time, their own opinion is not left in their personal space and is not used to build their own well-being. Own opinion is imposed on others, and someone else’s opinion is accepted as your own! The need for someone else's positive opinion, for warm emotions and for gratitude is direct evidence of this.

The hero clings like a vampire to unfamiliar well-being and to other destinies. He lives at the expense of others! This is the essence of dependence on the people around them.

How to get rid of dependence on surrounding people?

1. The first step is awareness - where is mine, and where is not mine. Dependent people have no personal space! And they need to learn to distinguish between their own and others. What I feel, I think, I think is mine. What decides, does, feels the other person is not mine.

I can only manage my life only within my own space. All my decisions, opinions, feelings are correct only in my life. In a strange life, they are unacceptable. The cure lies in tearing off the attachments to someone else's: someone else's opinion, emotions, feelings are not mine. Another person has the right to think and do what he thinks is necessary. Here is a very important awareness: the feelings of another person towards me are not my feelings! I can not control other people's feelings. But I am responsible for my even responses!

It is not necessary to tie other people into their own manifestations, their attitude towards me, towards my actions and decisions. Another person has the right to think about everything that he wants. Another person has the right to have an excellent point of view from mine.

The other person is not me. I have no place in a foreign space. The life of another is not mine.

2. Having spent the border: mine is not mine, realize where, in what situations you go beyond a foreign border. Stop their own similar actions.

3. Implement your own ideas through personal self-directed action. Concentrate on your life, not on others.

4. And the most important thing is to cope with those feelings that are drawn to other people. Here and pain and longing, and emptiness inside. This is a whole range of complex experiences. But you can overcome them! About how to work on yourself, how to cope with your feelings, how to overcome them and be stronger than them, has already been written in past articles.

This is a long and difficult path - separation from people around. But it is precisely in it that salvation lies for someone who does not imagine life without others, who dreams of saving success and authority, and instead of the desired gets a feeling of uselessness and uselessness, humiliation and rejection of others. This path can not go alone. If you need help and support, if you need a friend and companion, then they can be any hero from the bookcase People series.