Each person’s life has its own personality crises associated with different circumstances in life or, more precisely, with changes in these circumstances: relocation, divorce of parents, a new place of employment, loss of a loved one ... And a person needs to adapt to every change, developing a new style of behavior or changing his own outlook on life. The ability to accept life as it is, to find the positive aspects of any event, to adapt to changes (or, more precisely, to change with the course of life) are the features of a mature adult person.
The world does not stand still; it is constantly changing, forcing us to change. We can resist this, looking for stability and order, but we can develop using “pushing”. In fact, every situation in our life encourages us to evolve and change, it is given to us so that we stop, comprehend, understand something, and continue to move forward, develop.
Consider the personal crises of men and women inherent in the majority.
Let's start with the age crises in men. They occur, as a rule, every 7 years:
- at the age of 7, the boy “breaks away” from his mother and begins life in the outside world (school, sports circles, where mentors and appraisers appear);
- at the age of 14, puberty occurs and the final identification of oneself with the world of men. There is also a choice of future profession;
- At 21, the guy is already thinking about the future family. Therefore, she looks more seriously at girls, and also begins to look for work (to provide for herself and her future family);
- at the age of 28, the majority already have families and are learning to build relationships;
- at 35, a midlife crisis is approaching, that is, the first results of life and the search for its meaning;
- At the age of 42, the mid-life crisis is finally coming (for the majority of those who have not undergone it at the age of 35).
For now let's stop. We will immediately clarify that age is approximate and, of course, all of these crises are different. Described only relevant to the majority.
It is worth remembering that personality crises happen more regularly. This does not mean that you need to wait for them with fear. It’s just worth remembering that a successful period of prosperity cannot last forever, and that after it, as a rule, there will come a difficult period of failures and unplanned changes. And that's fine! So is the development.
Men during personal crises are often dissatisfied with everything at once: work, leader, relationships with friends, relationships with his wife and children, even intimate relationships. They feel that things are not going the way they planned for themselves ... Often they are looking for the culprit for their failures and often find him in the person of a loved one - his wife.
Wives should not take it to heart, but rather should be treated as a painful condition that will pass. By the way, during personal crises, men pay special attention to their health, they seek and treat various diseases (which in ordinary life almost do not pay attention to). And this is another hint for wives - thus, the husband shows that he needs care, care and support. In words, he cannot express it (perhaps even he himself doesn’t fully understand his needs), but it seems to him that when he falls ill, he has every right to great care and care from his wife.
In the period between crises, the wife should “stock up” with a good mood, respect and trust in her husband. So that later, during the crisis, when the husband begins to doubt everything and devalue everything (therefore, it becomes extremely difficult to respect and trust him), the wife could help him get through a personality crisis, could be confident in him even if he was completely disappointed in himself , could reassure him and believe that this is only a crisis that will pass.
At the same time, it is important to treat a man not as a small child who fell ill, that is, not to surround him with a maternal over-care, but to remain a faithful wife, confident in her husband, in his achievements and abilities. It is necessary to remind the husband of his achievements and admire his achievements. And be calmly confident in future achievements. This confidence helps a man to get through the crisis, stop doubting himself and all, make the necessary decisions (which, as a rule, concern changes) and move on.
It is important to remember that expectations of something from a husband are extremely undesirable, they negatively affect relationships (one of the greatest needs of a man is to be accepted as he is). And waiting for something from a man during his crisis ("stop whining", "when you finally stop being afraid of risk and responsibility", "it's time to do something") can destroy your bonds. Just be sure that this difficult situation is short-lived, and your strong and intelligent husband will cope with it, even if it looks different at the moment. Only your confidence in him will help her husband get through the crisis faster and with minimal losses.
And for myself and my confidence it is worth repeating "my husband is the best in the world!" daily and multiple. Even if in this situation you already begin to doubt it. After all, when you entered into marriage, you swore allegiance not only in joy, but also in grief, that is, in difficult situations. Therefore, be true to your oath and husband not only when everything is good and you are happy, but also when your half needs you, your love and support most of all.
Crises in women
For women, everything is easier (this time). Women are experiencing large personality crises during pregnancy. The female body, consciousness, thinking, sensations are greatly changed due to the action of hormones. It is quite difficult for a woman herself to accept these changes and adapt to them. At times, a woman behaves in such a way that she herself is surprised, but during pregnancy this behavior becomes natural for her. A woman regresses as if, becoming like a child who especially needs care, care and support. She does not have any special feelings for her relatives by her whims; she really doesn’t fully understand herself and her needs. After all, now it is not only her needs, but also a unique personality that develops in her bosom.
Men need to remember that pregnant women are much more sensitive and susceptible, sometimes even lose their sense of humor, so unsuccessful jokes often lead to conflicts. Pregnant women are very worried about the future and need even more protection and more confidence that you can take care of not only her, but also the future of the baby. And this is natural, because a woman well understands that she herself cannot cope, therefore she needs confidence, security, that a man can take care of her and the baby. Therefore, men should pay more attention to a pregnant wife, more care and care, because she has little physical and psychological strength (because her body is constantly undergoing difficult work - creating a new person).
There is another personality crisis in women who were on maternity leave (or simply did not work while caring for the baby). This crisis is not particularly dependent on age, although, the later it happens, the more difficult it is. He comes when the youngest child goes to school (or kindergarten) and mom realizes that she no longer needs to “stay at home”. As a rule, going to work after maternity leave is pretty scary. Even worse is to look for a new job if a woman did not work before the child was born.
After all, a woman compares herself with her friends, as a rule, with those who did not have children or had and still worked. Of course, such a comparison is not in her favor, because during that time other women have achieved a certain status and career growth. Then the woman asks herself whether it was worth “sitting at home and changing diapers for children”, because so much could have been achieved (as a rule, in material terms and in terms of social status). And now, after the maternity leave, she will have to start first from the lowest positions at work. And if they take. Because it’s not very much that young mothers are hired to work (babies get sick so often, and they have to give sick leave ...).
In this crisis, a woman should understand that social status is not the key to happiness. Our society has the stereotype of a successful woman - she must have a family and children (one or two) and at the same time be realized at work (usually full-fledged, "full-time"). But, unfortunately, such "successful" women are not happy. They simply do not have the strength of any physical or psychological.
They, as a rule, are given to work and for the family, there is little time left to build relationships with the husband and children (a couple of hours in the evening and weekends, at best) and strength, of course. Yes, and housework (cooking, cleaning, and other household chores) also take time and effort ... Therefore, it is difficult to talk about the "happiness of successful women."
Another thing is when a woman works not "full-time", but for her own pleasure, really for her self-realization. Then she gets job satisfaction (and does not earn money or social status), and she doesn’t work full-time or daily. Therefore, a woman should understand what she really likes to do, what brings her such pleasure, that she wants to do it even “for free”. Only such work will give a woman the strength and happiness of self-realization. And in such work, a woman feels free (after all, money and status do not control it) and will be able to self-update (she will create as she wants).
It does not say that a woman should work for free, but in any case money should not be an incentive for a woman to go to work, only in that case she will feel free. Work for a woman is needed more as her creativity, her self-realization, her communication with others, in the end, and not at all for making money or social status. Only this kind of work (one that looks more like a hobby) gives satisfaction and leaves enough time and energy for the spouse and family.
After all, no work and no material means can bring as much happiness as healthy relationships (especially in the family). And in order for these relationships to be healthy, they need to invest a lot of time and a lot of strength. Probably, therefore, many women “run away” to work or social activities, because it is difficult for them in the family (there really need to put a lot of effort, first of all, working on themselves), and in society they become “indispensable” (as they think) and get approval. But not for long…
For those mothers who are experiencing whether they are losing their best years on maternity leave - you are doing the most important thing in the world, raising healthy, happy children who are confident in your love and feel protected. Having matured, such people will be able to accept and give love, be able to take care of others (and not only compete, prove something and look for love and understanding everywhere), will build healthy relationships with others, because this is all they can learn only in a family. No kindergarten or school is able to provide the child’s primary needs for love and safety. These needs are provided only by parents, mature adults, strong and responsible (somewhere here there is a requirement of high material wealth or high social status?).