Teenage love is the earliest experience of romantic feelings, caused by changes in the hormonal background and the restructuring of social interaction. These feelings are the brightest and make you perform rather risky actions and disbelieve elders about the transience of sensations. This happens due to the lack of experiences of romantic experience, perception of what is happening as something magical, eternal and unique.
Criticism to what is happening is reduced, because the adolescent lacks practical skills in experiencing love feelings, choosing the right partner and general assessment of the situation.
Stories of teenage love often have a sad ending precisely because they are designed to provide a certain life and soul experience, to initiate the maturity of the soul world, and only a small percentage of couples are able to carry the first feeling that has originated through the rest of their lives.
Problems of teenage love arise from the fact that people have not yet decided on their own personality, their way of life, but they are already trying to make the final choice of a satellite - as a result, the tracks can go so far that you can find an absolutely alien, unfamiliar person next to you, and and an unpleasant person.
The meaning of adolescent love comes down to the knowledge of their new physiological reactions and immersion in the world of pleasure. Together with the new opportunities offered by puberty, adolescence also gives more freedom, and the joy of night walks, the first alcoholic parties and independent travel, shared with someone is magnified many times. If such a new way of life divides the satellite of the opposite sex, then the feeling of independence and adulthood overwhelms.
The psychology of adolescent love is similar to an epidemic, when, following the first formed pair, just a few more appear in a week, and then all the classes and neighboring courtyards are divided into lovers. This effect is associated with a strong desire to imitate in adolescents - they copy adults, favorite performers, movie characters, and if you look at the teenagers themselves, you can see a small percentage of individuals, usually the whole group looks and wears the same thing.
Teenage love is a manifestation of its own attractiveness, and many are just waiting for the ban from peers to fall and to be friends with the opposite sex will be cool, not shameful. At the same time, there are couples that are created according to the principle of finding social positions in the topic - when a person understands that it is now fashionable to start with someone to meet just for the sake of maintaining their image (very much like in childhood they demanded a toy that has all).
However, the difference in the causes of relationships or just the appearance of a feeling of love, and also regardless of the end (romantic wedding or misfortune and semi-annual depression), it is teenage love that helps to learn many basic and extremely necessary things. In such a relationship, the ability to listen to a partner, notice other people's desires and give them freedom develops; communication skills are developed, namely the ability to deepen the conversation, develop its interest and build a dialogue so that another person can open up and become closer.
Signs of teen love
The entire transitional age is a rather crisis period: the behavior, tastes, preferences and emotional reactions change. You can understand the parents' concerns about what is happening and help them a little to figure out exactly what the changes that have come about. Perhaps you should not immediately sound the alarm about drug use, when excessively good mood is caused by elevated levels of endorphins from experiencing first love.
Usually, having fallen in love, everyone tries to spend more time with his passion, so what changes in the behavior of a teenager is time spent outside the house in the evening. The romance of squares and parks with lanterns, the ability to hide, helps young people to survive the embarrassment of the first manifestations of feelings and immerse themselves in the atmosphere previously observed on romantic screens.
Since parental control is still present, and young people do not have the opportunity to spend a day together, then they can fill the hunger for emotional communication during their home stay with telephone conversations and correspondence. Even those who usually avoided talking on the phone, begin to use it intensively, because you really want to hear the voice of a loved one. In the course are video calls and constant correspondence, that is, a teenager and so spending a lot of time in gadgets begins to hang there even more, only toys are replaced by increased use of other programs.
Adolescents in love can send each other photos of almost every step and new discovery (morning cup of coffee, read quote, a bird sitting on the next window). They begin to watch films together, including the conference and everyone is at home - the possibilities of modern means of communication allow them to bypass the prohibitions of parents, being in constant and comfortable communication with their loved ones. The only bright difference is that there is now a lock on the mobile, and to talk, the teenager will go to another room. It is not connected with criminal secrets or with something forbidden, there is just a big emotional need to preserve the intimacy of the first feeling.
Requests for pocket money may increase, regardless of gender. Boys will spend all their savings on cute gifts, flowers, food, and girls will buy new dresses and jewelry to make them look even more beautiful. It is not always appropriate to fully satisfy the increase in the material needs of the adolescent, you can show him how to make money on his own.
Experiments and increased attention to their appearance are an external need for attention and a desire to be liked. Due to the lack of experience and the coincidence of tastes, a teenager cannot always carry out this harmoniously. Of course, hygiene is maintained at a high level, everything is smoothed and washed, but the piercing is done excessively, and the hair is dyed to acid colors.
The emotional sphere changes - a person becomes more vulnerable, sensitively sensitive and independent of surrounding factors. So, if the relationship develops mutually, then no one will be able to darken the happy euphoria, but if love is not answered, then there will be no limit to grief. Light vulnerability leads to quick spiritual closure from everyone, so the usual criticism that passion is unworthy of a sufferer can cause not relief, but only to turn away a person and make him no longer disclose his experiences.
If parents allow themselves to rummage through the things of a teenager (which will soon emerge and confidence will be lost completely), then they can find contraceptives. It scares some of them, because parents are not ready to admit such manifestations of adulthood, but this speaks of concern and just a logical approach to the situation.
Tips for teenagers in love
Adults remember themselves and their experiences of teenage love, so they will try to protect the teenager from all negative manifestations, but this will not be done by quality methods. The truth is that this first feeling is unstoppable - it is the brightest and freshest, it will be exchanged for all the possibilities and available prospects.
Adolescents in love, left without support in their choice, it is recommended to choose a neutral position - you should not conflict, but you should not over-dedicate your family to your experiences. You must try not to suffer other parts of life while you develop your relationship. That is, set aside time for study and friends (you can do it together), help at home (for example, arrange a parent's day on Saturday).
The more you can create success in the most diverse parts of your life, the less there will be feelings and reproaches from adults, because they fear not so much the wrongness of your choice, how many lost opportunities. Yes, and you yourself will continue to be easier - until all the loving couples fail the exams, you will enter the chosen institution and lay a further foundation for strong relationships.
As for the part of the interaction with the partner, it is best not to rush to dive into his world completely, losing its individuality. Remember that hormonal surges sometimes play a cruel joke and a person who satisfies in bed may turn out to be someone who can substitute in other life situations.
While the mechanism of recognition of own reactions is not developed, it is better to slow down a bit and give yourself time to think. Drag your passion to all the places where you like, devote to classes, without which you can not - if this is your man, then such a pastime will only strengthen the relationship. And do not hesitate to ask the opinion of people around you and significant people - if the tenth friend already speaks about the same negative quality that you cannot see in your chosen one, you may want to try to look more attentively and not quarrel with the tenth friend.
Unhappy teen love
Friends, parents, and even books can help a teenager to survive unhappy love. How this stage will take place is largely determined by the further development of a person’s personal life, the ability to choose a partner, resist unworthy treatment and in general the readiness to build any relationship. Some are burned so hard, and then, locked in on themselves, do not give way to feelings that they live without full-fledged relations. Naturally, these people have novels and perhaps even spiritual affections, but everything passes tragically, without bringing spiritual fulfillment, in some ways repeating an unsuccessful teenage experience.
If the child himself came to share the tragedy that had happened, the main thing that can be done is to listen, without criticizing anyone in this situation. Even the one who made your child cry so much now - this person is so significant and still love that any negative feedback in his direction can silence a teenager. You will immediately notice the chill and the absence of tears in your presence - from now on, the choice will be made about self-reliance, because it is less painful than when one significant person condemns another.
Treat condescendingly whims and some violations of accepted norms for the first time days of emotional turmoil. It is quite possible for a girl to buy a new dress, if she really wants it - so increases self-esteem, and boys can be allowed to walk a few lessons on the sports field - so aggression and pain spill out.
In this situation, it is important for parents to be for the child, for his inner feelings, which are more important now than social conventions - this is how trustful contact is maintained. Regardless of the level of experience, it is impossible to get into correspondence, to eavesdrop on conversations and start following the child - it’s better to ask direct questions or show your constant readiness to come to the rescue and support the decision made.
One should be wary, if after unhappy teenage love suicidal thoughts and statements begin to emerge - some of them are only demonstrative and manifest when it is necessary to attract attention, others are pronounced because of the loss of life orientations against the background of the brightness of the experienced emotions. Only a quiet preparation with an indifferent attitude to the surrounding reality is an alarming signal and the possible help of a specialist, all other options are solved by switching attention and new impressions.
How to behave parents
Parents love their child scares no less than the youngest romantic, so many are trying to bring everything back, ignoring the laws of mental development. This is where the main mistake lies - the rejection. The greater the resistance to the personal changes that have occurred, the greater is the gap between the parents and the adolescent. No prohibitions and ignorance will stop the feeling of love that has come, but it is easy for a teenager to develop a feeling of incomprehensibility and loneliness. Criticism and authoritarian demands relating to hobbies and pastime, cause silence and opposition. If the parents are far beyond the dictatorial line of behavior, then in the end the child may even leave home, concluding that it does not make sense to be among strangers.
Instead of condemning and expressing their concerns, parents are encouraged to ask questions. About what exactly this person attracts or what they have in common, how his friends relate to him, what his successes and weaknesses are. Noticing that parents also show an interest in the object of sympathy, the teenager will begin to actively share experiences. It is better if the attention will be of the same sex as the child - various secrets, advice and transfer of experience, and the opportunity to get around moments that cause embarrassment and shame are possible. But this is not mandatory, there are quite a few cases when the girls went to the fathers for advice on building relationships, and for understanding what the beloved wanted, the boys turned to their mothers. The main thing that should be absent is a criticism of the object of love, because any negative remark turns the person who expressed it into an enemy.
All that is allowed to parents is to ask the right questions, which make the adolescent himself think about what is going on, where it leads and what he gets in the end. It is impossible to save everyone from mistakes and heartache, so in a situation where everything is going downhill, it is important for parents to prepare themselves mentally, to maintain trust and be in a resource to provide support. This is an experience necessary for the child, and if you force him out of this situation, you will only remain guilty and incomprehensible.
Do not interfere and do not try to upset the relationship by accident or by proxy - adolescents are extremely sensitive to such manipulations, and from the spirit of contradiction they can only cling to the wrong person. It is better to constantly increase the self-esteem of your child, so that this level allows you to choose the worthy ones and not be kept on manipulation.
Remember that this is not the relationship between adult people, and you are the main one, so give more freedom, for example, letting go for a longer walk, but never retreat from the established boundaries. Do not allow the arrival time to move home without prior agreement. You also have the right to demand the fulfillment of the assigned household duties and school-related tasks - this will be given more and more difficult, but the main thing is to keep the border. Now you are the only person thinking about the future, the teenager himself is completely absorbed in love and is ready to give up all his life and plans for her.