Psychology and Psychiatry

Guest marriage

Guest marriage is a documented form of marital relations in which partners do not live permanently in the same territory and do not maintain a common household. The presence of children, joint property and other alleged moments of a classic marriage is decided by the spouses individually and depends solely on internal family and interpersonal arrangements by analogy with a classical marriage when living together, only the number of prejudices is much greater. Moments governing these relationships include trust, sincere feelings, loyalty and mutual assistance, and other similar categories. That is, people completely excluded from their relations coercion, obligation and legal regulation of interaction.

Those who do not study the historical stages of the formation of social models, believe that this tradition of relations is a new one that has emerged in recent decades. This is erroneous, since even in primitive communities only guest marriage was accepted, which served as the basis of the relationship. Men hunted, lived in the same place, not far from their prey, and settled in their life, and sometimes they came to women to exchange their supplies and hides, as well as to continue the race. Women, living in more protected places, settled their life completely differently and were periodically ready to accept men for temporary settlement, which is typical, usually the same man came to the same woman, bringing prey only to his posterity. This is the first prototype of the guest marriage.

Now the tradition is gaining new popularity, thanks to the establishment of economic stability and the ability of people to live independently. Previously, one of the main reasons for living together was to ensure their survival, now it can be regulated only by personal wishes. This is a kind of compromise for those who are not ready to leave their hometown, if the beloved person lives in a different way or the undesirability of a conscientious life for the sake of maintaining romantic relationships. There are more and more reasons, as well as opportunities to implement any format that brings satisfaction to both partners.

What is this relationship

Dealing with the fact that such a guest marriage in the modern sense will help immersion in the details of the entire system of relationships, virtually eliminating any framework and convention at this stage of social interaction. The choice of people as to how to equip their personal intimate space is less and less reduced to the pursuit of traditions and is increasingly governed by internal needs. The sacrament and holiness attached to the classic marriage, almost completely discredited itself by a huge number of divorces, adultery, double lives, or simply the painful state of the spouses.

Having destroyed several relationships with simple everyday problems, modern people think about maintaining interaction and not moving towards the merging of territories. Young people value the freedom to express their own personality in all aspects, but this does not affect the manifestation of those who are close by - it allows you to develop fairly deep relationships without the need for living together, because each of the partners is an independent adult and mature personality.

Guest marriage is always a conscious choice for people. There is no material or documentary attachment, there is no need to listen to the other or adjust your actions. All interaction is consciously and mutually desirable - people meet there and when they want both, while minimizing domestic and daily complaints. The frequency of such meetings can be determined not only by the personal desire of the partners, but also by the distance between the spouses. The options are varied and can be adjacent entrances or even different continents, because the reasons for such a union are sometimes due to geographical factors.

It is important to distinguish guest marriage from polygamy or many families - there is always loyalty in it. This form is chosen because, economically, the family is created more with the aim of survival and minimizing the cost of living, now it is more done for the personal feelings and development of each of the participants. Accordingly, the level of respect for personal boundaries and awareness of their own manifestations is even higher and does not allow the situation to change, which is often for families created for the sake of economy. So, the wife can tolerate numerous mistresses, because she has nowhere to go, in the guest marriage after the first betrayal, people simply no longer meet, because the very meaning of the relationship is lost.

Live guest marriage can people who initially do not look for in it the possibility of deceiving and realizing permissiveness. Rather, this option is viewed as a unique opportunity to be with a person who is pleasant to one’s own soul, without regulating such relationships by dependence on social status or material support, restriction of freedom or subtle manipulation. In such a relationship there is no complete isolation at all, because the spouses plan all large joint purchases or trips, vacations, meeting friends and moving.

The implementation of this type of relationship is available only if the partners wish each other to exist. This requires internal readiness or specific personal characteristics. Those who choose the guest form of relationships are suited to highly value personal space or the need to observe special rules (5 hours of silence per day, no clutter, total rest, available only in solitude, etc.). But besides features, such relationships can be justified by experienced psycho-traumatic events of past relationships (from criminal divorces to betrayals) - those who are not able to fully trust a partner chooses such a form as a way to adjust the frequency of meetings or termination of relationships, the ability to maintain their achievements and independence.

The unfortunate result of guest marriage is possible only in the variant, if one chooses such a format not because of spiritual maturity and respect for the boundaries of the other and awareness of one's needs, but because of infantilism. The not fully matured person chooses to live as a guest marriage for fear of losing a partner, but there is no possibility to bear responsibility. If two psychological children accept such a model, then the problems that have arisen will be solved as a result of their parents, who will most likely live with their spouses - each with their own. This is more and more reminiscent of the game in the family, as in kindergarten, when in the evening you can forget everything and go home.

There is still a second misguided motive for guest marriage - it is the hope of keeping a spouse eager to leave a classic marriage. The decision to divorce is an indisputable factor in the end, and such a temporary journey to different living spaces in the end ends up with parting anyway, while the resources of the psyche are spent and the duration of pain can last for years.

When children are born during separation, this form of relationship is directly imprinted on their condition. With an insufficiently sensitive approach, everything can turn out to be the same problems that children face whose parents are divorced - lack of attention, stigmatization of society, and so on. With adequate communication, on the contrary, a person develops more adaptive and creative with broad views and potentials, but also as a result inherits this model of relationships, which can cause difficulties in building his own family.

Types of guest marriages

It is impossible to reduce the diversity of guest marriages to a specific typology, because initially such relations imply a fairly free format of interaction, and therefore, they are regulated by each pair separately. There are only criteria, thanks to a combination of which many species can be distinguished.

The first factor is the amount of time spouses spend together. Some are comfortable to meet on weekends, and work days are completely dedicated to work. Such a format is typical for busy couples or those who are building a career, where more convenience involves getting home and going to bed, rather than forcing yourself to delve into home problems. Someone suitable to meet several times a week - it mimics the previous, romantic period. There are strong feelings, and the same strong desire to preserve those bright moments that are present.

There are so-called seasonal marriages, when people spend together several months, and then are separated by the same amount. This is usually associated with work (long business trips, projects in remote cities and other options). There are couples meeting on the day a week or a month, trying to spend it as magically as possible, and full - they turn off the phones, put things off and completely devote this time to the family.

In creative people, the frequency of meetings may not be marked at all and depend on the muse, order, mood. This seems utopian, but when two people really love and feel each other, even such chaos is structured and is understandable in their personal picture of the world. Most of all planning is occupied by meetings with those who live at a fairly long distance. These are usually marriages where people may not see each other for half a year or more, spending joint vacations together, or alternately visiting guests, but also for long periods of time (it makes no sense to cross the ocean for two dinners).

The second criterion is more rigid than the schedule of meetings is the presence of children. This parameter is decisive for many marriage processes, but is not always able to regulate meetings. And another criterion is the distance of the spouses from each other, which also determines the format - it matters, for example, how much effort the husband will have to make in order to get to his wife in the hospital (whether it is one quarter, or a few days' journey).

Naturally, the parameters affect each other, and the classification does not stop only on these. Other categories are more likely to be more individual and less significant in the format of species distribution.

Guest marriage advantages

It is believed that guest marriage for a woman is a necessary measure and each wants to translate it into a classic one or uses it as a means of holding a man. This prejudice is an example of stereotypical thinking since long ago when a woman was economically dependent. Now guest marriage offers a large number of unique features.

At first, the visible plan is the absence of domestic problems - everyone is busy with their own housing and people are deprived of scandals because of unclosed toothpaste or scattered things. The habits developed over the years are difficult to change, difficult to give in, and it is impossible to endure constant reproaches - this is how many relationships collapse. Therefore, reducing the number of domestic quarrels directly strengthens the relationship.

The next factor is the novelty and brightness of the senses. Not flashing, constantly in front of each other, there is a genuine interest in the person of the other and the opportunity to get bored. They live different lives, and at each meeting there is something to tell and discuss. The external perception of his companion has a direct connection with the intimate energy of the couple, with the disappearance of which the unions usually break up. From this position, living in different territories, everyone gets the opportunity to put himself in order, choose a beautiful image, and not encounter in the corridor the same shaggy and unwashed creature. Sometimes it is cute, but there are things that both partners want to hide from the eyes of the other (the same depilation), which is almost impossible, living together.

Guest marriage for a man provides an opportunity to immerse yourself in a career and get the much-needed distinction between work and rest. Along the way, he needs to perform household duties, and finish tasks at home. A woman can take her time as she pleases - burn incense sticks, watch silly TV shows or gather with her friends, which is quite often condemned by her husbands. Thus, this format allows people with completely different hobbies, interests, everyday habits and rhythms of life to get along. How many quarrels are caused by a banal mismatch of biorhythms, and with a guest marriage all get enough sleep.

Guest marriage lasts longer not because people see little, but because they strive to show their best sides, show care and participation. Nerves, bad mood, breakdowns due to problems at work usually remain outside the framework of communication between two people. So it turns out, because meetings are rare, they are waited and appreciated, and most importantly, they understand that communication comes only from mutual desire and is clearly not in order to disrupt the anger of a loved one.

A large amount of personal freedom is the key to personal fulfillment; accordingly, each spouse gets more opportunities to take place, as a professional in creative terms and in his mission, without sacrificing his family. This may be manifested in the opportunity to learn, forgetting to cook dinner, or rehearse playing the guitar at midnight, and it is possible to paint the entire floor with paint, while working on a new painting. Requirements for the disclosure of their capabilities are not always aligned with the needs of others, and in a separate area there are no borders.

At the beginning of family relationships, this can be a way of transition to the classical form - this is how people have a way to regulate intimacy, to get an opportunity to get used to without traumatic experiences. So you can stay, knowing the freedom that at any time you can go to yourself - this is a more eco-friendly option than to endure the inconvenience or choose a divorce.

Cons of guest marriage

As with any phenomenon, guest marriages not only have positive moments, and what's interesting is that most of the minuses have the same roots as the pros. For example, the lack of negative mood and the ability to regulate their bad sides makes partners not ready to see and accept their spouse completely. So, several years later, shocking discoveries occur, and someone may be frightened by flashes of rage or hysterical seizure.

All the romance of relationships begins to crumble when people spend more time together. Remember how nice you are in the work team and how badly the relationship deteriorates if you need to stay, and the longer the delay, the more intolerable the situation. So here, two learn to withstand a certain level of stress and explode if it is exceeded. This excludes the possibility of developing relationships.

When children appear, the guest marriage format often ends - some choose to move out, others get divorced. This is connected with social foundations, social disapproval, as well as a lack of understanding of the child himself, why this is happening in his family (most of the families live together). In addition, for a psychologically normal formation, education should occur simultaneously by both parents, and not by alternating suggestion of different truths. Constant gossip behind his back, gossip and questions in an uncomfortable form can erode the emotional state. Someone has the strength and ability to resist the attacks of society, others will begin to put pressure on the partner. The social exclusion of all who are different has always been the question of how much people are ready to move.

If a person does not have a huge need for personal space, then the separation can leave a feeling of loneliness in the soul. That is, formally a person is not alone, but when families of friends gather for holidays, he is forced to remain alone, just one evening with problems. Of course, some only need to be left alone and no longer require stupid adherence to traditions. But if the second person agrees to a guest marriage, having at least a little need for traditional interaction inside, then over time this need is not something that does not fill up, it can grow to the size of a neurosis.

Together with domestic problems, this form of cohabitation takes away household joys. No one will meet you with an umbrella, will not feed a ready dinner or will not pick up a bath. This is not related to the direct provision of a comfortable life, because you can call a cleaner and repairman, order food from the restaurant, and come home by taxi. The only difference is that all these services lack human participation and warmth. A crooked sandwich cooked while you are late for work is tastier than the most expensive restaurant dish. The financial issue can be a plus - everyone is counting on himself, no one is spending other people's money. But sometimes with joint efforts you can buy the necessary things faster.

Guest marriage does not give the feeling of daily full support, it is impossible to hug another person after an unpleasant telephone conversation, for this will have to fly several planes or go out into the yard. Теплота и близость некоторых моментов ценна именно своей доступностью в настоящем без откладывания на потом. Очень тяжело понимать, что потребность в объятиях на ночь будет удовлетворена через неделю, когда это необходимо сейчас