Many psychological and philosophical concepts suggest that people need to believe. It brings peace to one’s own soul and makes life easier. Distrust in many ways brings experiences sometimes superfluous, and often when these experiences are strong and groundless, they can destroy any relationship.
The need to have a circle where complete confidence is possible determines the normal development of the personality, its stability and the ability to adapt to the world. That is why, after a series of collisions with the real world, where betrayal and lies are possible, a person wants to return to the original state and is looking for ways to believe people after betrayal.
The need to trust people
Trust is a purely psychological category that occurs in humans - in the animal world, such a feeling and relationships built on it are absent. It always implies endowing a person with unique, special powers. This can be expressed in sheer emotional openness, with a non-voiced requirement of secrecy or given keys to their own apartment - each has its own unspoken body of such concepts, where it will not be betrayed.
Naturally, since everyone has different understandings, people behave in different ways, and the purity and depth of feelings do not always coincide. And so it turns out that the trust that has been shown disappears due to some actions. The more a person gets burned, the more difficult it is to give away important pieces of the lives of others, but at the same time the moment of being able to trust remains significant - it gives you a sense of security and the ability to mentally relax. Everyone needs a place where there is no need to constantly scan the situation and defend.
The trust concerns all spheres of life or only one, for example, a person can entrust a secret to someone, but not money, and another can be assigned to sit with children, but does not tell a single gram of personal experiences. Absolute and total trust affecting all spheres of life is extremely rare, since most often people cannot justify such high expectations of others.
Usually, by the middle of a life, unpleasant experiences appear so much that a person seeks strength in himself, how to trust people, if you have been deceived more than once and whether it is worth doing it. The opportunity to do it immediately and naturally disappears, but the need for a person standing behind them does not disappear anywhere. Trusting at least one person helps to maintain emotional balance, strengthen the nervous system and not feel lonely. It is this kind of communication that makes life filled, not the number of formal acquaintances and imaginary friends, who can not be trusted with even the slightest information.
There is also a special mechanism of the psyche that increases the coefficient of trust in people depending on the duration of the acquaintance. That is, unfortunately, even the most reliable person present in our life for a couple of hours will not cause as much confidence as friends from school. This is understandable from the position that for a long time, people have already shown themselves and you can understand what to expect from anyone, but this does not characterize personal characteristics. That is why the betrayal of friends and family is so painfully perceived - the level of trust in these people was initially too high. I remember the marriage fraud or deliberate rubbing into trust solely for the purpose of profit, and therefore it is necessary to develop the skills not only of the subconscious setting of boundaries, but also of conscious control and evaluation of a person, no matter how much time passes.
It is inappropriate to trust everyone or do it from the first minutes of acquaintance, but also a destructive opposite attitude when a person is closed from everyone and cannot even trust those who are considered his family. The adequacy of the proximity and level of trust provided directly characterizes a person’s psychological maturity, his ability to listen to his own feelings and to assess the people around him. This all comes with a certain not only life experience, but rather spiritual experience (events of personal life and people around, read books and real stories - all this helps to form close relationships and establish their type).
Unfortunately, many people lose the ability to trust, because they incorrectly use the experience gained and, instead of using the skills of assessing a person in the first stages, they simply pull the pain of betrayal by closing beforehand, not even giving the other a chance to demonstrate their qualities.
The reasons why betray or cheat
Can you believe a person who once betrayed, depends on the motivation, the causes and the very situation of betrayal or deception, as well as personal characteristics of a person and the feelings present. With the exception of rare situations of planned betrayal, the perpetrators themselves do not consider their actions to be something bad, and if you still try to see not only your own injured party, but also the reasons for someone who allegedly betrayed, you can reduce the level of resentment and complaints.
Not only different semantic and vital concepts provide the basis for actions unexpected for another, but also the emotional state of a person. A colleague is not going to deliberately hand you over to the authorities, but if he has been shouting and accusing him of all sins and failure of the corporation for twenty minutes, then reporting any shortcomings in the work of others is a defensive reaction in a stressful situation, an attempt to somehow save his own psyche from frustration .
In principle, trusting, we ourselves give a person the opportunity to betray - trust disappears where the other does not meet our expectations, and we impose them on the other, without informing or advising if he can fulfill them. When you have not placed accents, that you should not discuss your experiences with others, the story can be considered a betrayal. But you did not forbid to do this, and the motives could be in search of help you get out of this situation.
If you have never discussed your future together, the requirements of loyalty and in general views on the interaction, then the presence of his second passion can be considered as a betrayal, but this may be normal for him. After all, it is only you who have invented loyalty, but for another your relationship may still look like the initial stage, when there is freedom of choice. To avoid this kind of betrayal, you should constantly clarify your requirements and even seemingly self-explanatory points.
The situation is different in situations where all actions seem to be regulated, for example, in a war. There it is not customary to abandon others, hide or hand over important information, this is recorded and voiced, each person follows this code. However, there are situations when personal predominates - under the threat of life or the health of loved ones, during prolonged torture, during post-traumatic stress and other other conditions, a person is not able to control his behavior by strong-willed efforts. Yes, this can be considered a betrayal, but if you put yourself in the person’s place, it may turn out that you would have surrendered more quickly.
And of course one should not forget about such causes of betrayal as personal gain and advancement. When the explanation does not include either the situation or the emotional state, the person simply goes to the intended goal. Perhaps this is true betrayal, carried out deliberately.
How to start believing people
After numerous betrayals, I want to learn to believe again, this is especially true if a decent person appears next to him, which does not make him doubt his reliability, but his past experience keeps him in constant tension. Here it will not be possible to overcome the state by force of will - it is necessary to search for the root cause and work with those traumatic relations that have left such an imprint.
Sometimes it is enough to find someone who hurt and talk to him about the reasons for the behavior, perhaps it will be easier or the person will sincerely apologize. In some cases, do not do without the psychological help of professionals. At the next stage, it is important to recall the experience of relationships where trust was justified, and perhaps even unexpectedly for yourself - this will help to see different sides.
So having actualized your life experience, you can carefully approach the new communication. Study a person, analyze his words and behavior, and most importantly his own feelings next to him - this will help to understand what questions and how totally you can trust a particular person. Do not rush to open all the locks at once, it is better to go gradually, receiving positive confirmation that you are not betrayed. And so over time, you can expand the border more and more.
Own feelings in the moment of building trust can play a cruel joke. For example, having the experience of unsuccessful relationships, the girl will begin to be very anxious and look for various reasons for mistrust precisely when intimacy will become larger, when the guy is surrounded by care. It’s all the fear of letting go of your emotions and trusting, because a picture pops up in your memory, that it was already and it was very good, and then it hurt. That is, pleasure and pain in the psyche are connected, but to begin to trust you need to be able to stop and ask yourself about the causes of fear - it is from the past or something is not happening now.
It is necessary to try, and not just sit in ambush, looking at the person. Begin to give - your feelings, things, errands, requests, whatever. Let it be small steps, but if you don’t give people a situation where they can demonstrate their reliability, you won’t know how much you can trust. The faster you do it, the better - and less time is spent and the soul is more whole.