Shyness in many literary sources is presented as a positive quality that delights others and gives a person a certain charm, but for the person himself this quality may not play the most positive role. It is shyness that makes you not take a step towards your own dream, refuse excellent offers, complexes about your own behavior or appearance, etc. In general, it steals a large piece of human happiness and does not allow to live the life that is chosen and liked.
For many, the actual question is how to stop being afraid of people and shy to communicate, because it is strongly developed shyness that is an excellent ground for manipulating a person by lowering his self-esteem and developing additional uncertainty.
It is important to note that a person does not begin to be ashamed immediately, this quality is produced throughout life and is not innate. On the contrary, being born, all people loudly declare about their own needs and emotions, not seeing anything reprehensible or inappropriate in their behavior or appearance. Only with time, socializing and receiving external evaluation and messages from society, does a person begin to mute his manifestations or evaluate his own qualities as insufficient. Being embarrassed is a social emotion and is characteristic only for people - this is one of the regulatory mechanisms developed for building relationships in society.
Causes of Shy Behavior
One of the leading causes of shy behavior is the desire of a person to be better, which is dictated by the fear of being excluded from society, which for many is the basis of survival. The second point is the fear of failure, resulting in a person in such a stupor that he can not even budge. Usually, this fear of failure was provoked by negative experiences in the past, when a person’s action or feeling was severely criticized by significant people. So if at the moment of the first confession in feelings over the young man they laughed, then further declarations of love will cause embarrassment and impossibility to express their emotions.
Behind any shyness is always the fear of showing your true self. This fear appears in several cases, most often during the traumatic socialization, when the explanation of social norms and practices is not carried out correctly. Similar influences from other people program the person to an increased level of shyness throughout life, giving rise to complexes, but there are other reasons. So many are trying to stop being ashamed of their appearance - and here we are talking about the need to comply with external requirements, and not with their internal directions.
It is also possible internal conflict between the desires of the individual and the requirements and requirements imposed from the outside. If a person’s desire is beyond the limits of permissible society, then already at the stage of the emergence of this desire, the first manifestations of constraint may arise. Usually, if internal contradictions are not worked through, the feeling of restraint develops into a feeling of shame.
Often, shame, insecurity and embarrassment seize the sphere of interpersonal relationships, and then girls start looking for ways to stop embarrassing a guy who likes, completely ignoring the fact that a certain degree of embarrassment and embarrassment is normal. Experiencing how to please a nice person is normal, just like trying to hide some of his own shortcomings.
The more critics a child receives from others, the more he is forbidden to express his feelings and desires in the form in which they arise, the higher the likelihood that shyness will acquire the format of destructive feeling, despite the fact that initially its function was to create comfortable relationship.
Instructions on how to stop being shy and become confident
Since constraint has the main reason for the development of the past negative experience gained and the protective inhibitory reactions developed on the basis of it, it makes sense to begin work by clearing our perception of the influence of past experience. For this, various visualization techniques are suitable, during which the significance of the traumatic event is reduced or the whole situation is relegated to the background. There are options with the exception of paints or the use of screen technology and its shutdown - in any case, a person needs to move past experience.
After the perception has cleared a little, it is necessary to reduce the level of criticality and evaluation, both of oneself and others. Constraint is a direct outcome of the comparative assessment of their actions and desires, as well as the appearance and possibilities with the requirements of society or the opinion of other people.
The less comparison and criticism will be in any perception of the situation, the less constraint one may end up experiencing. If you can’t start with yourself, then you should try to treat other people more condescendingly, to perceive them as they are in their natural manifestations. At the first stages, such an attitude can be problematic, and, out of habit, comparisons and different rules will emerge, but the longer you practice the non-judgmental perception of the people around you, the more surprising and unique you can see in them.
The weakening of control and conformity ultimately leads to a more loyal attitude toward oneself, and by allowing others to be themselves, one also gets the right to express oneself.
Further analyze your own list of situations that cause constraint. For some, it will be a sphere of relations, for others it is necessary to seek help, and someone is shy of their body.
It is necessary to identify problem points and the degree of experience that arises - this will subsequently provide an opportunity to prepare for disturbing events. At the next stage, it is necessary to highlight your strengths or qualities that help to cope with this situation. This approach helps to see the whole picture, and not just focus on the negative. If you are afraid to come to meet on the street, but you know that writing your lyrics is your strong point, then start to get acquainted on social networks, if you feel stupid at various meetings, but at the same time have a good sense of humor - share positive things with people.
There is no task to stop worrying or to overcome the situation by force, you can always look for new solutions, alternative options. The more a person tries a new one, the wider the supply of his reactions and interaction experience becomes; therefore, absolutely any new skill, even if it is not related to the constraining theme, can give an impetus to development.
Tips on how to stop shy of your body
The cult of the body in society imposes certain requirements, the covers tell how to look, and others consider it their duty to mention the shortcomings in their opinion. It is complexes and uncertainty about their own appearance that are the most common.
There are a number of objective factors affecting how the body will have a person laid down genetically, and nothing can be done about it, no matter how much effort is applied. The first thing to do to someone who is shy of his appearance is to figure out where the roots of this problem come from.
Perhaps, in childhood, someone criticized a non-standard appearance, or maybe adults talked about the child’s mismatch with their expectations, and teasers from kindergarten also do not pass by. What other people denounce and try to correct usually refers to differing features, and depending on the environment it either becomes a business card of a person or instills complexes in him (a big mouth can be associated with a toad or sensuality, high growth impart grace or slouch) .
A careful, impartial study of their features will help to place the accents correctly. So a more correct practice is to emphasize their merits or unique features, than to try to hide obvious differences or adjust their appearance to the average.
If you can not independently explore their appearance - contact the advice of stylists and beauty industry professionals. Often, changing the perspective of your body helps to reveal love for your body, for example, during a photo shoot or shooting - people standing on the other side of the lens see us quite differently and are able not only to create a masterpiece, but also to show how beautiful a person is in the manifestation in which he is now .
Any practice aimed at developing self-love not only reduces shyness, but also allows you to enjoy your body. This includes any bodily practices - massage, body-oriented therapy, dancing, yoga, jogging, spa visits, and other things that bring physical comfort.
Appearance begins to like more if you take care of it. Those. you should not wait for the moment of reaching the ideal figure, but to buy beautiful clothes right now - it may turn out that you don’t want to change the figure. Such moments of care as masks, self-smoothing, providing a comfortable berth and a place of rest directly affect the level of self-acceptance.