Psychology and Psychiatry

Quarrels in the family

Quarrels in the family relate to an annoying and inevitable misunderstanding that worsens the relationship between spouses. A quarrel can arise for no apparent reason, but it will always be based on open or hidden conflict. And any conflict after warming up gets its own life. Psychologists advise if you want to resolve the conflict yourself, calmly argue your opinion, because the inability to argue their point of view hides the cause of problems in the family.

The causes of quarrels in the family

Conflict-free families, a priori, does not happen. Family quarrels are the most common form of conflict. According to statistics, 85 out of 100 families clash, and the rest quarrel over various petty occasions. American scientists have found out the nature of family quarrels. As it turned out, women and men differently understand the meaning of the word "love". And besides all this, couples reluctantly turn to psychologists for help and give preference to independent solutions of their problems among themselves. Men put trust, approval, admiration, encouragement, acceptance and appreciation into the concept of “love”. Female gender is associated with the concept of "love" tenderness, care, understanding, dedication, respect, recognition.

For each person there is a certain style in a conflict situation. It depends on the psychological type of personality. For those who instantly flashes like a powder keg, any trifle can serve as a pretext. Such people always want to be in the center of attention, they are characterized by a high level of impulsiveness, which does not allow them to keep their behavior under control. As a rule, such individuals quickly depart. These people are unforgiving, quite open when expressing their emotions. But to provoke and tease them, leading to conflict, it is not worth it. At the time of fever, as well as anger, they are impulsive and indulge in immoral acts, they can strike and offend.

On the contrary, people are restrained, control the expression of their emotions, but in a conflict situation they are able to resort to threats, blackmail. Such personal offenses do not forgive, and also openly warn about it, while they are carrying out revenge for a long time and always carry out their plans. For such people, persecution mania is peculiar, conspiracies against them seem to be against them, intricate intrigues seem to be intricate. These personalities are dangerous.

The third type is conflict-free. Often they are unstable in their opinions and assessments, easily suggestible, do not have sufficient will power. Their behavior largely depends on the opinions of others and they are driven by an excessive desire for compromise. From the foregoing it follows that the outcome of a quarrel in a family depends on the psychological type of personality.

The reasons for quarrels in the family are the following:

- intractable material problems;

- intimate disharmony of partners;

- material dependence on one of the family members;

- treason;

- pathological jealousy;

- the opposite of aspirations, interests, value orientations of family members;

- interference of relatives in family matters;

- the struggle for leadership in the family;

- the opposite of views on housekeeping and participation in the process;

- restriction of self-expression and freedom of action of one of the family members;

- drug addiction, alcoholism of a family member;

- monotonous life and boredom;

- disagreements in matters of parenting.

Quarrels in the family differ in the form of leakage. For some, there is an increased emotionality of the parties, for others a different speed of development, others differ in the form of confrontation (insults, reproaches, threats, scandals). Ways to resolve the scandals are mutual concessions, reconciliation, divorce and the achievement of consent.

Frequent quarrels in the family lead to serious social consequences and often tragic cases. The reason for the frequent quarrels in the family is that for many years one of the spouses is trying to persistently re-educate their half. According to statistics, in two cases out of three the provocateur of scandals is the wife. The researchers concluded that frequent quarrels are due to the peculiarities of women's memory, which is characterized by tenacity, the ability to hold all the details of offenses, as well as grief. When a similar cause and the former unpleasant experiences, insults emerge with a new force. If quarrels in the family, as you think, are inevitable, try to carry them out according to all the rules.

Quarrels in the family - what to do?

Initially think about the topic for today for a quarrel, if you start several at once, there will be no sense. When clarifying family relationships, make sure that there are no other family members around. Do not make a quarrel when your half is resting, eating, washing. Do not attack your spouse in a fit of anger, cool down initially. Use only specific phrases: "I was upset by your behavior," "I was counting on your support," avoid meaningless phrases, such as "it is impossible to live with you." Always express your claims clearly and clearly, wait for a response. Do not blame your half for physical disabilities, do not go on to insult his / her parents, do not remind of past failures. If necessary, admit that you are wrong, because your repentance today will open the way to repentance tomorrow to your companion. Never go into a dull defense, playing in the "silent". Without giving a way out to your emotions, and also not expressing your claims to a partner, you suffer much more than those people who let off steam.

How to avoid quarrels in the family?

One of the reasons for quarrels in the family is misunderstanding. Women often resent men because of insufficient attention. If a man is unemotional and calm, then it seems to a woman that he is indifferent to her. To avoid quarrels in the family, it is important to learn to avoid them. Control yourself, feel the edge of a possible conflict and do not overstep it. Stopping in time, the dispute will not turn into a quarrel.

If there are constant quarrels in the family because of life, then immediately try to negotiate everything. Initially make a list of important cases, discuss them and go on to discuss the details. For example, discuss all the details of the arrangement in the house, leisure, distribution of economic duties: washing dishes, cleaning. If you do not get a spouse to talk, pedantic women painstakingly write down, for example, the intended purchases or the possible design of the house, the upcoming events and then discuss with their half. With a reasonable approach, everything is solved.

Avoiding quarrels in the family is possible if you try to understand your spouse. Learn the details from the childhood of your half. Be interested in the experiences of your spouse in the present. Maybe it is important for a spouse to speak out and explain. When defending the interests of both spouses, scandal becomes almost inevitable. Therefore, learn to control yourself, weighing all the circumstances. Whatever the quarrel and its cause, try to always keep yourself in hand. Of course, the insult after the sandalwood will be present, but you keep your family, understanding and peace of mind. Someone in a family quarrel needs to be wiser, let it be you! And what if quarrels are not avoided? It is necessary to learn to quarrel in such a way that after they end, family life does not end.

Methods for overcoming prolonged quarrels:

- find time to talk;

- it is necessary to prepare the conditions so that no one and nothing distracts you;

- discussion of the problem begins with the phrase: "our problem arose because of different points of view ..." or "tell me how you see the situation ...";

- listen to the spouse carefully and patiently, not allowing the will to emotions and irritation;

- your task is to change the position of the spouse "I am against you" to the position "we are against the problem" and of course personally accept this position;

- discuss options for solving your problem that will satisfy both parties;

- make an agreement in which it will be announced what everyone is doing to solve a common problem.