Psychology and Psychiatry

Conflicts in the family

Conflicts in the family - This is a fairly common phenomenon today. Conflict can be considered an ordinary feature of social institutions, it is inevitable and inevitable. That is why conflict must be seen as a natural fragment of family life. It should be taken as one of the manifestations of natural human interaction, since it is not in any situation that it can act destructively on a couple. In some cases, conflicts, in contrast, are among the core processes that serve to preserve the whole.

The main value of conflicts is considered to be the fact that they work to prevent the system from getting ossified, they open the way to neoplasms and progress in relationships. Conflict is a peculiar stimulus that leads to transformations, it is a challenge that requires creative response.

Causes of family conflict

Many people who marry are often not aware of the fact that family relationships are not only cohabitation and the birth of children, but also the ability, the desire to care for and understand each other, to give happiness.

So, for some reason, there is a psychological conflict in the family? A conflict situation is a collision of opposing, and sometimes hostile, needs, attitudes, opinions, opinions, interests. There are several common typical causes that provoke conflicts in almost any family. These include:

  • completely different views on life together;
  • unmet needs;
  • adultery;
  • drunkenness of one of the partners;
  • lack of respect for partners to each other;
  • non-participation in the home and upbringing of children;
  • spouse selfishness;
  • excessive jealousy, etc.

The listed causes of conflict situations in family life are not all possible reasons that can cause quarrels between partners. Most often, in the joint life of the weak and strong half of humanity, conflict situations cause several reasons simultaneously. Therefore, all conflicts should be divided into two types, each of which is dependent on the way in which they are resolved.

The first type is creative, which consists in a certain level of tolerance towards each other, endurance, refusal of humiliation and insults. Creative conflicts include the search for the causes of the emergence of conflict situations, mutual readiness and ability to engage in dialogue, the effort to modify existing relationships. The result of creative conflicts will be a well-established, friendly relationship between partners. The main result of such conflicts becomes a constructive dialogue. One can rightly apply a saying to such communication that truth is born in a dispute.

Destroying the psychological conflict in the family is the countless insults, humiliation of each other by spouses, the desire to offend a partner, to teach a lesson or blame him. The result of such conflicts is the loss of mutual respect. And communication between them is transformed into a duty, duty, and most often unpleasant, aggravating, which leads to the disintegration of the family.

It should be noted that the majority of conflicts of a destructive nature are due to improper female behavior. Women are much more likely than men to make them out of spite, try to take revenge on their partners and teach them a lesson. This is due to the high emotionality and sensitivity of the weak half of humanity. And also with the well-established feminine role in family life, which has long since not been satisfying women's needs, ambitions and aspirations.

Therefore, it is possible to identify the following main causes of the emergence of conflicts in the family:

  • the aspiration of one or both partners to realize in a marriage, first of all, their own, personal needs;
  • unmet need for self-realization and self-assertion;
  • the inability of partners to communicate constructively among themselves, with friends, relatives, comrades, acquaintances and work colleagues;
  • Excessively developed material aspirations of one of the spouses or both at the same time;
  • the reluctance of one of the partners to participate in family life, housekeeping;
  • overestimated self-esteem of one of the partners;
    the discrepancy between the methods of education or views on the education of one of the partners;
  • lack of desire from one of the partners to engage in raising children;
  • differences in judgments of the spouses about the essence of the roles of the wife, mother, husband, father, head of the family;
  • mismatch of views on the role of women or men in family life;
  • flimsy and empty expectations;
  • misunderstanding, the consequence of which is the unwillingness to conduct a joint dialogue or constructively interact with each other;
  • different types of temperament at partners;
  • the inability or unwillingness to take into account the types of temperament;
  • intimate neglect, excessive jealousy, or betrayal of one of the spouses;
  • material distress or domestic disorder;
  • differences in spiritual, moral and value orientations;
  • bad habits and their consequences.

There are also private reasons related to the characteristics of a particular family.

Conflicts in a young family

In order to minimize the likelihood of the emergence of conflicts in newly formed families of destructive nature and answer the question "how to avoid conflicts in the family", both partners must have the proper motivational, moral, social, psychological and pedagogical readiness.

Moral social readiness is civic maturity. The criteria for civic maturity are age, education, profession, morality, health, and economic independence. The most favorable age for marriage in terms of medicine is considered to be 20-22 years for the female part of the population and 23-28 for the male, since the male body reaches full maturity later than the female.

Also an important point that helps the successful adaptation of spouses in marriage, is the ratio of their ages. The fragility of family relationships, in the overwhelming majority, is observed in families where the woman is older than the man. The strength of a marriage is dependent on the difference in the age of partners. The older people entering into a marriage, the more a man must be older than a woman. In this case, the maximum difference in the age of partners should not exceed 12 years.

The level of morality of young individuals is one of the most important factors of readiness for the conclusion of marriage and the creation of a family. Developed morality is manifested in the recognition of the social importance of the family by the spouses, a thoughtful choice of the chosen one, a serious attitude towards matrimony, a sense of responsibility for the family, full respect for the future spouse, his relatives, responsiveness, and communication with them.

The readiness and well-being of family relationships has a considerable dependence on the health of individuals who are married. A healthy lifestyle contributes to the development of spirituality and moral culture of the individual, the strengthening of family relationships, maintaining friendly and respectful relations with the surrounding society, and also helps an individual to cope much more easily with psycho-emotional difficulties and often confront stressful situations that often arise in family life.

Conducted numerous studies indicate that the criterion of housing security and material well-being does not directly affect the stability of the family. However, poor housing and material conditions can often exacerbate conflict situations that arise for other reasons. Motivational readiness unites love, as the main motive for creating a family, a sense of responsibility for the family, a readiness for independence, the creation of children and the education of children, the formation of them self-sufficient personalities.

Psychological readiness consists in the presence of developed communication skills, unity of positions or similarity of views on social and family life, the ability to create a healthy moral and psychological climate in relationships, consistency of character and feelings, formed volitional personality traits. From the family atmosphere in which future spouses were born and brought up, for the most part, it depends on how the fate of the young family will develop in the future, whether it will break up or not.

Pedagogical readiness contains pedagogical literacy, intimate upbringing, economic and economic skills. The pedagogical literacy of individuals entering into marriage presupposes the availability of knowledge about the laws governing the formation of children and the methods of their upbringing and skills in caring for babies. Economic and economic skills imply the ability to plan and distribute the family budget, to organize leisure, to create comfort, to establish life.

Sex education consists in acquiring the necessary knowledge about sex between partners and the intimate aspects of an individual's life, about how to save your love.

Conflict prevention in the family includes certain preparation of individuals for living together.

Families without conflicts, especially young ones, are practically non-existent. After all, the person is in a steady conflict, even with itself. Conflict situations in family relationships can be completely different. They are found between spouses and children, there are also frequent conflicts of generations in the family.

Conflicts between children in the family

Conflict situations in the family between children is a fairly common phenomenon. Practically all families face this problem after the appearance of the second baby. Children conflict with older or younger brothers and sisters in order to try to defend their own position and attract the attention of adults and drag them over to their side.

As a rule, parents always intervene in conflicts between children, trying to reconcile them. However, often, it only worsens the situation. Parents think that they have solved the problem, but in fact the children simply stop quarreling in their presence. This is because the true cause of the conflict was not found, and therefore it is not possible to resolve the conflict.

Frequent causes of children's conflicts are the struggle for leadership among other children, the situation in the family, and also for the attention of adults. Quarrels between children in the family are the so-called indicator of family relationships. If they happen often, then all is not well in family relationships. Moreover, the disadvantage of family relationships is expressed not only in frequent quarrels between children, but also between the parents themselves. Conflict generations in the family are also a clear indicator of the unfavorable relationship.

However, you should not be upset about the occurrence of conflict situations. After all, they are inevitable. Conflicts are found even in the happiest families. However, they pass and are resolved in different ways.

You should not try to explain the frequent children's quarrels by the nature of the character or the hereditary aggression of the kids. After all, the behavior of children, basically, is directly dependent on the specific circumstances and methods of education used by their parents.

Prevention of conflicts in the family, which arise between children, is ignoring their adults. Indeed, in most cases, the cause of children's conflicts is the so-called work "to the public." And if this “public” is missing or does not respond, then the conflict itself is ineffective. Therefore, it does not make sense.

Naturally, it is quite difficult for parents to remain indifferent and not to intervene when their children quarrel. Most adults are simply convinced that if they do not intervene, then the children will certainly cripple each other. Therefore, they are trying to reconcile the warring parties, often without delving into the causes of such hostility. Very often it remains to blame that of the children who are older. So, the only solution to family conflicts that occur between children is to ignore them. If you are still afraid that children can harm each other, then take away dangerous objects from them and let them solve the problem on their own. Kids only in the rarest cases are able to intentionally harm each other, because this is not their goal. They just want to attract the attention of adults, involving them in their own quarrels.

Resolving Family Conflicts

The constructiveness of resolving conflicts between spouses is directly dependent, in the first turn, on whether understanding prevails between them, whether they are guided in their life together by behavior that is based on the ability to forgive and give in.

The main condition for the constructive completion of the controversial dialogue is under no circumstances to achieve victory over each other. After all, the victory is unlikely to be considered a personal achievement, if it is obtained through the defeat or resentment of a loved one. In any conflict, you must remember that the partner is worthy of respect.

How to avoid conflicts in the family between spouses? It should be understood that conflicts are an inseparable part of family life, as well as communication, life, leisure, etc. Therefore, conflict situations should not be avoided, but should be tried constructively. When quarrels arise, one should adhere to a constructive dialogue with the use of reasoned facts, without, however, applying categorical, claims, generalization and maximalism. It is not necessary to involve outsiders or family members in conflicts if they do not directly concern them. It should be understood that a favorable climate in the family depends only on the behavior, goals and desires of the spouses, and not on other individuals. Outsiders can become a catalyst or a detonator for a destructive conflict rather than an aid mechanism.

The resolution of conflicts in the family occurs in various ways, which lead to both the establishment of relationships and their destruction. One of the ways to resolve conflicts that leads to the breakup of a family is divorce. According to many psychologists, divorce is preceded by a process that involves three stages. The first stage is an emotional divorce, which manifests itself in cooling, indifference of partners to each other, loss of trust and loss of love. The next stage is a physical divorce, which leads to separation. The final stage is considered a legal divorce, which implies the legal registration of the termination of marriage.

Many couples are so tired of endless quarrels and conflicts that they see the only solution - divorce. For some, it really is a deliverance from unfriendliness, hostility, hostility, deception and other negative moments that darken life. However, it also has its negative consequences, which will be different for the society, the divorcing themselves and their children.

A woman is considered more vulnerable to divorce, since she is much more susceptible to neuropsychic disorders. For children, the negative consequences of a divorce will be much more significant in comparison with the consequences for adults. After all, the child thinks that he loses one of the parents or blames himself for divorce.

Ways to resolve family conflicts

A well-to-do family is distinguished from others by the presence of a sense of joy, happiness of today and tomorrow. In order to preserve such a feeling, partners should leave a bad mood, problems and troubles abroad of their home, and bring home only an atmosphere of elation, happiness, joy and optimism.

Overcoming conflicts in the family and their prevention lies in the mutual assistance of the spouses and the acceptance of another person as he is in reality. If one partner has a bad mood, then the second needs to help him get rid of a depressed mental state, try to cheer up and take his thoughts with something pleasant.

Overcoming conflicts in the family and preventing the occurrence of many mistakes depends on adherence to several basic principles of married life together. We must try to really look at the contradictions arising before marriage, and divergences of opinion that appear after its conclusion. Do not create an illusion to continue to not be disappointed, because the present will hardly meet the standards and criteria you have planned. Take the difficulties for the benefit, as their joint overcoming only unites people. Overcoming difficult life situations by both spouses together is a great opportunity to find out how much a partner is ready to live, guided by the principle of bilateral compromise.

Do not miss the opportunity to learn the psychology of the spouse. After all, in order to live together in love and harmony, it is necessary to understand each other, learn to adapt, and also try to please each other.

Цените мелочи. Ведь незначительные, но частые сюрпризы, знаки внимания не менее ценны и важны, чем дорогостоящие подарки, которые могут скрывать за собой равнодушие, холодность и неверность.

Научитесь прощать и забывать обиды, будьте терпимее друг к другу. After all, each individual is ashamed of some of his own mistakes and it is unpleasant for him to recall them. Why remember something that once broke your relationship and what should be forgotten as soon as possible if you decided to forgive a person.

Do not impose your own requirements, try by all means to protect the feeling of the dignity of a partner.

Appreciate a short separation. Periodically, partners annoy each other, because even the most delicious food will eventually become boring. Separation allows you to get bored and helps you understand how strong the love between spouses is.