Divorce is not only a negative event, but also quite joyful and expected, but a small percentage of women think through their existence in advance after the end of such an important and long-term relationship. Many spheres of life remain connected with the former spouse, obey certain rules and laws, and when a person disappears from life, they actively require restructuring. Based on this fact, the question of how to forget the former husband and start a new life remains the most relevant in the first post-divorce period.
Naturally, quickly forgetting the ex-husband is possible only for those who were not interested in this man in marriage, but the main task of the woman comes down not to the speed of amnesia, but to the fact that there is no jam in the transitional period from the married status to the free one. The sooner you begin to change your life, despite the memories and possible regrets, the sooner they will stop torturing you. The worst option would be to sit and wait for the complete disappearance of his image, and until then limit his activity and implementation.
In order to quickly forget the former and rehabilitate, you can turn to professionals, or you can take the first steps yourself - the choice of a solution and appropriate methods depends exclusively on your personal situation. If many emotional injuries were received in the relationship, it will be almost impossible to forget the ex-husband until they are fully worked out, if you managed to part in positive moods and friends, then most likely the forgetting process will go organically and you will not need to ask for help or look for tips in articles.
Psychologist's advice on how to reduce pain after breaking up
Forgetting and letting go of a person, like forgiveness, are the final stages of the process of mourning and living in acute stress. In an effort to go straight to the finals, without going through more painful stages, a woman only exposes herself to self-deception, which ultimately emerges in the future and is likely to harm the following relationship.
Psychological professional recommendations on how to forget the ex-husband and let go begin with completely burning off.
An attempt to forget the ex-husband is not considered an adequate response, if a lump from the mere mention of his name appears in the throat or plans of various kinds of revenge immediately arrive.
Conduct an audit of your inner experiences, you can gather for this company support from friends or sign up to a psychotherapist, for those who are totally alone, suitable anonymous chat rooms where you can always share your feelings with an unknown interlocutor. At this stage, it is necessary to remember all the insults and situations that brought pain, but it is also important to take the proper place for pleasant moments, such as the romance of the first date or its sweet sniffing at night.
The main task is to make a complete picture of your relationship, your feelings in them and experiences, as well as a logical assessment at this stage. Perhaps something that has previously enraged earlier will begin to seem sweet and dear, and the moments that have delighted earlier will seem like subtle manipulation or deception. All these conscious memories are needed to defuse the emotional sphere from accumulated tension and restraint, because the more emotions a person accumulates in himself, the more he becomes attached to a certain situation. The same technique works when it is not clear how to forget the former love - the less emotions accumulated, the faster the thoughts go.
After getting rid of already irrelevant emotions comes the turn of getting rid of unnecessary reminders.
Carefully inspect your surrounding space and the ability to build life - how much of everything reminiscent of a former partner is around you and what is really removed from it.
It is necessary to hide joint photos and interior items presented to them in his apartment; On the Internet, you must at least temporarily hide his page from the news feed (for those who practically do not vouch for their willpower, you can even block it), remove from the reminders and calendar all the dates associated with it (from your anniversary to his mom's birthday).
Take a closer look at the organization of your day, whether you continue to fry croutons out of habit, although you prefer scrambled eggs for breakfast, go only to those stores that he deemed worthy - right now it’s time to realize your true desires and design your life, enjoying as quickly as possible, because it is not known how long it will last.
Another stage that is important for women is the revision of their external image. Buy yourself a new scarf, if from all possible options there is only his gift, remove the dress not of your style, but which your former spouse liked. Feel free to throw out the colors recommended by him and buy what you have always wanted, but restrained yourself. This concerns the style of clothing, as well as make-up, haircuts, the overall filing itself. But the main thing is not the maximum degeneration into the opposite image in an effort to show what beauty he lost, but to find his own individual appearance, without the influence of his taste and stereotypes.
After clearing the space of the influence of the former and, accordingly, reminders about it, many empty places, free time and emerging issues appear. These problems must be filled out otherwise, out of habit, they will be filled again with the former spouse, only with thoughts about him. Now it is worthwhile to concentrate as much as possible on one’s own interests and needs, to develop a hobby or to start new activities. The freedom that has appeared is not only about loneliness, but also about the unique opportunities opening up for the implementation of its activities.
How to forget about feelings - what to do
Permanent memories of a person poison life exclusively as long as feelings for him are alive or memories are present. Accordingly, it is necessary to erase from the memory not the person himself (it is impossible to do this without organic brain damage), but to forget about the feelings or hopes associated with them.
The first recommendation is to reduce the importance of the problem, because the more we focus on one thought, the more it controls our consciousness. It is recommended to avoid thoughts and search for options on how to forget the ex-husband forever. As soon as you catch yourself already accustomed to thinking about ways of removal, immediately find out how to occupy your brain - read a book, call friends, take a new project, listen to music. Any options that help to distract from senseless brain gum are suitable.
Work with feelings and detachment from them is directly related to the whole emotional sphere. Therefore, the main thing is not to close from any emotional turmoil, but to saturate every day with a large number of pleasant and inspiring impressions.
Human life is not measured by time intervals, but by how many emotions have been received, which means that the more varied and richer you make your day, the faster your love will move away from your experience.
Adding positive moments, do not forget to limit the negative ones - clarifying the relationship with the former, trying to figure out who was more to blame and who should be who, what else should be better left in the past. The more she puts her own energy even in such moments concerning justice, the more she loses as a result, exhausted emotionally. Of course, the triumph of justice would be desirable, but in the end it may turn out that the material compensation for the spent nerves will cost very much and be unnecessary.
There is an opinion that a new lover always accelerates the process of forgetting past feelings. It helps to instantly switch from strong depressive experiences to the extremely positive euphoria of new love. Optimally for this purpose to use the resort novels, which remain there a beautiful fairy tale without continuing. If such a relationship becomes more serious, then all the un-worked injuries of past relationships will surely emerge in these, or it will turn out that a number of completely alien, unsuitable people.
The guaranteed option consists in gradual residing of all arising feelings, sometimes accompanied by the psychotherapist that will allow to make this process less frustrating and fast. A more appropriate word in the context of such work with your feelings will not be forgetting, but letting go or living, when every day the sensations become increasingly paler and lose their emotional significance, turning into simple facts of the past.
How to forget a husband if you have children
When couples break up with a short period of life together, then passion and pain subside over time, and then they are completely forgotten when a new love meets. In a situation, if the diverging have common children, then it is impossible to forget the ex-husband, because he remains the father of the children. With a joint and civilized parting, the woman will meet with him regularly at the general holidays of the child and at the weekend. This may be at different frequencies (from evening calls to meetings once a year), but the former spouse will still remind himself of visits and calls. Even if a man disappears and does not appear in the fate of this family, then the child himself will be reminded of him - with his appearance, similar habits and periodic inquiries about the pope.
Initially, it is worth analyzing the situation, making conclusions about your contribution to what happened, and most importantly - to find positive aspects. Finding your personal, even selfish pleasure, the fate of your ex-husband and feelings for him will stop worrying you so much.
The second point is a conversation with the child, where it is necessary to explain the situation and the attitude of adults towards him without lies. Here one should speak as openly as possible, try to clarify all the questions and details. This will help to avoid constant inquiries and as a result of unnecessary reminders of the spouse on the part of the child. When the baby initially understands the new rules and the fact that the feelings and attitudes of parents personally to him remained the same, then excessive fantasies and sick questions will not be heard from him.
The ex-husband should be given a completely different rank, leaving him in life, but changing the effect on her, i.e. now he is not even the former, but only the father of the child. If you call him that way, then the range of his power changes, for example, he cannot demand emotional involvement or lay claim to you as a woman, even a former one. In addition, this position allows you to internally free yourself and look for opportunities to arrange personal life. Based on the new role, set appropriate boundaries, including both its behavior and the allowed impacts (up to the time and frequency of calls, as well as the wording).
If the reluctance to somehow intersect with the former spouse is critically strong, then the question of his meetings with the child can be resolved by excluding you from this process. For example, he can pick him up from school and then bring him home on certain days or pick up a child from your sister. In this situation, the minimization of contacts, of course, will help to abstract from the existence of this person, but it is worth understanding that his background presence will forever remain in life.