Situations in life happen quite different, while not always the psyche can calmly cope with what is happening, then you need the help of those nearby. Confusion from the need to somehow stabilize the state of another person is quite understandable, especially when it is not clear how to calm a person with words at a distance, because removing the cause of the experiences can not only be overwhelming, but possibly unnecessary.
Most of all, I want to calm a crying person, because everyone’s own psyche is arranged in such a way that the view of other people's tears is intolerable. However, we do not take into account those reactions where strong experiences and destructive processes of the psyche can occur without tears and loud defeat.
In a difficult moment
It is possible to help a person overcome difficult experiences without arranging special rescue operations or completing courses in crisis psychology. The main thing is to be attentive and sensitive. Do not rush to take active steps and give advice on how to calm down, and listen to the situation. The more a person speaks out, the more strongly the emotional intensity decreases, there are situations when telling a problem to several friends in a row, negative emotions disappear, the significance of bad events diminishes or the actuality of what is happening is completely lost.
Even if the situation is more complicated and requires real intervention, then after your attentive and active listening, with supporting statements and clarifying questions, there may be a plan to get out of this situation or a certain rethinking will come. But you shouldn't dwell on problems either - it's one thing to tell friends what is happening to throw out burning emotions, and a completely different situation develops, if you allow a person to constantly cheat himself with retellings of what happened. As soon as you notice that the mention of a painful situation causes a deterioration of the condition, and not emotional relief, gently change the topic of conversation, distracting from the discussion on the thumbed topic. It is even better to distract and calm the person with activity.
Participation and a proposal to help, and expressed in a straight form, helps to calm a person during a panic attack. You can ask how to help or offer your options for a person right now, even small things (bring water, wrap a blanket, give a lift home, etc.).
And do not forget about physical contact - hugs, friendly pat on the shoulder, touching the hand can do much more than any words. If a problem arises how to calm a person at a distance, then contact techniques are not available, but you can influence the emotional background of a person with your own voice, namely loudness and intonation. Try to speak in a measured, slightly drawn manner, bringing your voice closer to falling asleep, which is in volume, which is in intonational sound. The instinctive mechanisms of the psyche work, which is impossible to sleep, and if you fall asleep, it is safe, then the other will have a subconscious perception of what is happening as less threatening.
In an extreme situation
The problematic of extreme situations is that people who have long been familiar in different event variants give completely unpredictable reactions. The most common reactions are panic, stupor and hysteria. It is necessary to work with them in various ways.
If a person is covered with a panic attack, then focus on breathing and nearby objects will help calm down. Initially, you will need to control his breathing, i.e. talk about the need to take a breath, make sure that they are not very deep (hyperventilation leads to loss of consciousness, which is already narrowed with panic) or too frequent (a small amplitude of breaths can increase anxiety).
Transfer the person's attention from abstract concepts or attempts to evaluate a general stop on his well-being - warmth in the limbs, convenience of posture, ask him to do some minor work (put things together, type a message).
From stupor will have to withdraw physical methods, easily shaking or shaking a person. Immediately after withdrawal from stupor, all pent-up feelings may rush, and hysterics will come. Here it is necessary to listen silently to any text pronounced, even with threats and insults to you (apologies will be heard later when the person stabilizes emotionally). If a hysteria turns into a threatening physical activity, then the task consists solely in restraining destructive impulses - perhaps with your hands, you can throw it with water.
In extreme events, the question of how to calm a drunk person is especially important, because the harm from his thoughtless and over-emotional reactions can lead to disastrous consequences. Suitable methods of dealing with hysterics - to listen or throw water when you notice that a person ceases to control their behavior completely. Control your own behavior - you must remain calm, speak exclusively on the case. Choose neutral phrases to reassure a person in which it is impossible to provoke a new emotional outburst. And there is also a secret way - to pretend that you do not notice a drunk, so you deprive him of the emotional feedback and the person either calms down or moves off further in search of those who support his wave.
With the loss of a close
The death of someone close to the disease, with predictable dates or due to extreme situations, when it happens unexpectedly, always has a strong frustrating effect on those who live. In addition to the immediate loved ones of the victims, those who will try to help them and somehow calm down are also subject to secondary traumatization. This explains the stupor of many and the inability to find the right words to reassure a person.
There is no recipe capable of eliminating pain from loss and reassuring a person who has lost a loved one in one magic phrase or action, but you can help the other live through grief and return to their lives by creating new models of interaction. Do not try to distract a person from what happened by other conversations or suggestions of activity - the first period is still all thoughts will be devoted only to death, and your attempts can lead to suspension. If there are no words, then it is better to sit down and shut up, and you can start talking only when the ghost living himself turns to you, but rather listen to what he tells you.
Your task is to show that you are nearby and can provide support. It is important not to say this phrase, but to make it clear on completely different levels - maintain constant contact. You can make phone calls and ask if a person has products, need help in closing accounts and registering papers of the deceased, drive in and drive where necessary. Those. you do not focus on what has happened with questions about the state of health and how difficult it is after the loss. Perhaps one day, when the person himself becomes ready to talk - he will call and ask for a meeting. Then be prepared for tears and painful experiences with which it is not necessary for you to do something, it is enough to listen, but listen carefully.
What not to do
Since the suffering of others is intolerable for those who are nearby, and the desire to soothe a person increases as much as possible and requires any decisive action, many people stop worrying about who really needs to calm down now and make mistakes. Remember how a mother shouts at a crying child, trying to calm him down in just this way, as a result, all the participants in the situation get inflated. It is necessary to listen to the sensations and move away, if you are unstable - let others calm down.
You can not devalue the cause of a person’s frustration, because it can hurt a lot. Those. those who grieve for the dead do not need to say that now they are better or so should have happened, and a woman experiencing a divorce should not be told about her beauty and unworthiness of a man, because self-esteem is now at the bottom bar, and the suffering from his absence is painful.
If you are going to help, then stay, and do not leave with the phrase that you arrive at the first call. When a person needs to calm down, he can not always adequately test reality, to understand what help he needs, but he can also fall into such a deep depression, pick up the phone and not remember the phone number.
When you compare the suffering of a person with others (the starving children of Africa, the disabled, the homeless), trying to show that someone is now at times worse, then at best you will not be heard. With a more adequate response, you can learn an aggressive reaction or provoke a desire to shut down emotionally. When you personally have already suffered the suffering or hysteria of another, then exclude yourself from the situation, and do not begin to order the person to calm down or switch. Believe me, if a person could do it, he would have done it a long time ago.
Approximate phrases, how to calm a person with words
Properly chosen words can be a truly healing power. The first thing to remember is that all formulations should transmit a positive moment, but not bending the stick. You can recall positive stories about a deceased person, instead of taking advice, quickly get distracted.
"I can not survive this pain instead of you, but I can live this pain with you, together we will withstand everything"
"I'm sorry about what happened. How can I help?"
"Please accept our sincere condolences to the loss, remember the warmest words ___!"
"We empathize with your loss! The death report ___ struck our whole family"
"Words can not convey all the pain and sadness. We sincerely empathize with your whole family!"
"Shocked by the sad news, we share the pain of loss. Golden man ___, what a few! Let us remember ___ always!"
If a person is simply in a difficult situation, and you understand that he will overcome it, then the words of support to hold on or not give up are quite appropriate - here they will be out of place. In complex cases, you can cheer with questions about your participation and help, or you can help a person clarify the situation for himself.
"You can count on me"
"Your failure is a springboard to success."
"I'm here to help"
"I believe in you, you will endure"
"Finish is the start for something new."
"One stage has ended, a new one will begin"
When you see that your friend has closed in himself and can only talk about the problem that is tormenting him, then translate the topic - talk about butterflies and plans for the weekend. If the conversation with you is not supported by yourself, then involve questions - ask for an opinion regarding your new suit and the planned conference, ask to tell something concerning the professional sphere of a friend.
To calm a person in hysterics help not so much semantic, but rather affectively saturated phrases. Those. quiet and calm asking a person to think about his behavior may be useless, but a terrible cry with an order to shut up can easily bring it to life.
If a person is imputable, his actions are adequate to what is happening, but it is difficult for him, then discuss his feelings with him more. It is not your advice and words that are valuable, but the ability for a person to be in the center of attention, to feel true support, when all the time and space is devoted to him.
Remember that not only words will help to calm a person, but silence and hugs can divide and reduce sadness, calm anger, return a lively experience of emotions.